Just Call them Lessons Learned…from the Ex(s)

“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:9-11

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

LESSONS LEARNED…FROM THE EX’S

I called on some help from friends and family with this one. I wanted to compare and contrast the snidbits of wisdom men and women salvage from ended (I won’t say failed, sounds so harsh) relationships. So I asked:

What have you learned from your ex(s)?

Man:  Long distance relationships don’t work.

Woman:  People put time into the things they want regardless of what they say.

Man:  Never settle.

Woman:  A guy won’t do anything before he’s ready.

Man:  You have to understand “lady emotions.” (Lady emotions? Is it bad that I’m dating the guy who said this? lol)

Woman:  Trust your instincts.

Man:  Talk about the red flags you notice about her. (I was taught to take notice of red flags and RUN!)

Woman:  Don’t let the hot ones treat you like sh*t.

Man:  If your ex gives you her number w/o seeing or talking to you in a while and wants to “catch up,” write it down, ball it up in her face, throw it in the trash and walk away. (Wow!)

Woman:  He has to have a working relationship with God and not just be his Facebook friend. (Lol, I feel ya!)

Man:  Learn from your mistakes.

Woman:  9 times out of 10, he literally means what he says. (So stop reading into and analyzing what men tell you; he meant what he said!)

Man:  Don’t have sex too soon; make sure you know her first. (I mean really know her)

Woman:  I have the right to be 100% exclusive.

The most common response I received from men and women:  “Don’t rush into relationships!”

Well at least we agree on something! 🙂 

This scripture came to mind:  “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Let’s take our lessons learned and apply them, grow from them, and actually learn from them so that we don’t have to be taught the same ones again!

*So, what lessons have you learned from ex’s? I’d love to know! Post them below!

Speaking of lessons learned, our next Laugher learned an important lesson the hard way:  If he’s not completely single, stay away!

Laugher:  Kitta (yes, Kitta, your Laugh Coach!)

Premise:  Fell for a “married” man…well almost

Lesson Learned

*About 9 months ago (yeah this is still kind of fresh) Kitta revealed to her friend about a guy she was crushing on

*With Kitta’s permission, her friend disclosed all of this to the crush

*Even though the crush said he was “involved” he still contacted Kitta on Facebook (good ole Facebook)

*They soon began talking quite often (everyday) through Facebook and eventually over the phone

*Kitta soon discovered that her crush was not just “involved” but that he was actually engaged! (Wow)

*At this point Kitta had developed a friendship with him and didn’t see why that had to change. She also doubted this “engagement” because he never talked about his fiance. So Kitta and her crush kept up the friendship.

*Soon after, Kitta realized that her feelings had moved beyond friendship and that she had developed true feelings for him (which is what usually happens). This meant that she had now fallen for a man who was engaged to someone else. (Why do we do this to ourselves?)

*Despite the red flags going off in her head, Kitta continued the relationship with the guy. They reached the point of talking everyday; her day literally felt lacking if she hadn’t heard from him.

*Even though their relationship was never physical, Kitta still confessed that at times she felt like a side-chick.

*One day Kitta logged on to Facebook and noticed a status change on her guy’s wall. He was now listed at “married”! (Oh, boy)

*Kitta was devastated. Not because he was married (she knew that was coming eventually) but because he did not tell her. She had to find out on Facebook; she expected more from her friend than that.

*Kitta no longer has a friendship with him. Despite what you all may now think, she does value and honor marriage. (I got your back, girl!)

Kitta shared this story because she wants to own up to her part in her heartbreak. (Deep! Not an easy thing to do!) Too often she feels people place all the blame on the other person without taking any responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship.

So, Laughers, what do you think? Was Kitta wrong for putting herself in a position to fall for an engaged man? Do you consider her a side-chick? How do you feel about her owning up for her part in her heartbreak? Have you accepted responsibility for your role in your break-up? Here are some other ways we set ourselves up:

*Are you involved with someone you know has commitment phobia?

*Are you dating a person you stole from someone else? (It’s only a matter of time before karma catches up with you. IJS)

*Are you dating someone God didn’t give you the green light on?

We do it to ourselves all the time, getting involved with people we know we have no business being with…if (I’m not wishing bad mojo on you or myself) it blows up in your face, will you pass the blame or will you be like Kitta and own up to your mistake?

What would you do?

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

Want to watch Kitta share her laugh story? Of course you do! Click the link http://www.youtube.com/user/canilaughnow?feature=mhee 

5 thoughts on “Just Call them Lessons Learned…from the Ex(s)

  1. I wouldn’t put the blame totally on Kitta but I think she should have asked him more about his relationship with the female to clarify any misunderstandings. I would put more of the blame on the guy because he didn’t mention anything about being engaged. Men can be so misleading lol!! Why talk on the phone and spend time with another female when you know you are involved with someone else!! One lesson that I learned from an ex is that communication is essential in a relationship. In my last relationship I wouldn’t communicate the issues that I was having with my boyfriend, instead I would just hold all my emotions in which would later lead to a huge fight. Another lesson that I learned from an ex is that if they tell you they want to explore other options never give them a second chance when they try to come back. A guy shouldn’t have to see what else is out there he should recognize your worth from the very beginning!

  2. Thanks for the comment Amy G. but just to clarify I knew he was engaged, we just never talked about it. He said she never wanted to set a date and then one day he was married and just didn’t have the balls to tell me before he did it. That’s where I have to take responsibility. I figured I would have time to break it off before I got hurt, but I stayed too long. Better yet, I shouldn’t have been there at all.

    • Wow! You just spoke some TRUTH with those last two sentences! It’s hard to look back and own up to our mistakes. I commend you! And I truly hope I’m not writing my story as Part II!

  3. Pingback: Clearly a Comedienne « cilnblog

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