Eenie Meenie Miney Mo, The First One’s Got To Go

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging You To See The Humor In Life’s Embarrassing Moments*

Ever been in love with two people at the same time? Can you really be in love with two people at once? Well, according to Chris Brown you can. But in my opinion, he’s still in love with Rihanna but was being comforted by Karrueche and mistook that comfort for love. Ahhhh yes! Write that one down…”mistook that comfort for love.” Now back to my initial question. I came across a picture on Instagram that prompted that question.                                                   choose oneAccording to the picture Johnny Depp thinks, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” What kind of foolishness?! So if I love someone already and I meet someone new and think I love him too, I should choose the second one and tell the first one to hit the bricks because clearly this new guy is the one for me? So what happens when I meet the third guy that I think I love? I guess number two will be the next victim. In situations like this someone ends up hurt and that boomerang eventually comes back searching for a target. If this is how I decide who I really love, my relationship status will have a very high turnover rate…a never ending cycle. How could I possibly know this? Well, if you’ve learned anything from reading my blogs or watching my vlogs you know I have an experience to go along with my disagreement for this relationship theory.

Picture it, Sicily, 1998…Ha…okay it wasn’t Sicily it was Tennessee. And I won’t give you the year because some of you people are smart enough to put a timeline together and start figuring out names…can’t have that. So, a few years ago I had a situation where I had feelings for this guy but the situation was strange, to say the least. After a while I met someone else and decided to push my feelings aside for the first guy and jump head first into a situation with the new guy, even though my heart was clearly with guy number one. For some reason I thought guy number two would be soooo much better. So I stopped talking to guy number one and began my tumultuous journey with guy number two. Fast forward a few years, guy number two is now married, and not to me. Guy number one is off living his life not thinking about me and I’m, well, writing this blog telling you not to believe that ridiculous theory by Mr. Depp. Oh and did I mention I still have feelings for guy number one and he could care less? Yep, my decision bit my in the _ _ _!

So what should we base our decisions on when it comes to matters of the heart? The answer is simple…God and your heart should guide all of your decisions. I know many people say that when making decisions you have to but your emotions on the back burner. I agree with that, but only in certain situations. When it comes to who you love you should use your heart. If you use your head only, you will never take risks. Trust me I know, I always use my head and put my heart on ice when it comes to love and what am I? Say it with me….SINGLE! Now I’m not saying that you should never use common sense in love, but what I am saying is sometimes you have to follow your heart. Now if your heart is telling you that you want to be with someone else, then maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship. But never, I repeat NEVER, leave the one you’re with for someone else. Because that person will in turn leave you for someone else.

Do me a favor, if you’re in a relationship and you are falling for or have feelings for someone else, take the time to evaluate your current relationship and figure out why you’re feeling this way. At some point in every relationship, questions of whether or not two people should be together will arise. Some may start to get bored when the man or woman suddenly gets too comfortable and stops doing the things they once did to make their partner happy. Changes may occur in the relationship that may not be so easy for some to deal with.

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Take the time to step away from the relationship and see if this is where you want to be. I said step away from the relationship, not step to another person, stay with me. I hate when people jump from relationship to relationship. Being unhappy in your relationship is not your cue to run to someone else. You’ll never find the one that truly makes you happy if you can’t be happy by yourself. Love, or what we think is love, can be very confusing at times. But when in doubt we can always go to God. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” So if you find yourself in love with two people, take that situation to God and ask yourself which one really has your heart and which one is just your “comforter.”

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

“It’s All Mine…I Paid For It”

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments*

Synthetic or natural, Virgin/Raw, Brazilian, Indian, Yaki, Remy. It can be sewn, fused, bonded, or braided. What am I talking about? Weave! Many people believe that black women are the only ones the wear weave. NEGATIVE my dear readers. Weave is popular among all races: whites, Asian, Latinos, everyone. Weaves have become so common that people aren’t offended anymore when someone ask, “What kind of hair do you have in?” or “How much did you pay for that hair, girl that looks like that good hair?” Besides wearing braids I have never worn a weave. I know you’re saying, “Braids is weave chick!” But when I think of weave I imagine the free-flowing hair styles that are achieved by adding extra hair to get more volume and length to ones own natural hair. One reason I’ve never worn a weave is because of this crazy fear I have. I would think that if someone pulls your hair and you’re wearing a weave it would hurt more than if it were just your natural hair being pulled. Not that there is any hair pulling going on over here, but that’s just my crazy fear. It’s okay to laugh, I laugh at myself because I know how crazy that sounds.

So what is the fascination with hair weave? Why do women spend $100s of dollars on “extra hair?” Do you know what I could do with the money that some of the people I know spend on weave? Let’s just say me and the Micheal Kors website would be best friends. But seriously, why do so many women seem to be obsessed with wearing weaves? Is it a desire to be like the images they see in the media, an attempt to fit in, or insecurity? It almost seems to be an addiction for some. I had someone tell me once that she literally goes through fits when she takes her weave out; she can’t go more than 2 or 3 days before she has to have it put back in. And her own hair is beautiful and thick so I don’t understand the need for additional hair. I am not totally against wearing a weave, but I’m not a big fan of it either. So I wanted to get some additional opinions to see if I am missing the point or making too big of a deal out of the need for weave. Here’s what some women had to say:

photo32“I wear weave because I get tired of wearing the natural look all the time. I’m very diverse, especially when it comes to hair. I feel extra sexy when I have weave in. I don’t know why, but just the length and how it makes me look older gives me a new found confidence within myself. Weave is convenient and is a great protective style for my natural hair.” ~A.S.

“I’m a hair girl. I love everything about hair. I get bored easily and wearing a weave gives me the opportunity to change my style as much as I want without damaging my own hair.” ~B.K.

“I love my weave! But I started wearing it to transition from relaxed to natural hair. I wear sew ins and only wear Virgin hair. Virgin hair gives you ease without the tangles and matted weaves that is common with Beauty Supply hair. Weave gives you a chance to have some variety with your hair styles as well as keep your hair away from hot styling tools.” ~S.Y.

So what do men think about women that wear weaves? One of these comments shocked me:

“It doesn’t bother me. As long as it’s kept up and fits her face well.” ~E.B.

“I don’t like that most women are going natural. I am not a fan of the natural hair styles because they do not loo good on most women. Some can pull it off, but those that can’t should stick with the weaves or relaxers. I would rather have a woman with a weave than a woman with natural or “nappy” hair.” ~E.T.

“Hair style plays a huge part in who I date. If a woman starts off looking fake with fake parts such as hair, then it makes me ask, what else is she covering up.” ~A.A.

“As long as it’s not that cheap stuff where you can see the tracks, I have no problem with weave.” ~C.C.

“Wear it! Go to the salon and get it professionally done! Whatever makes you look good and sexy. If you can’t grow it…sew it!” ~R.S.

So it seems that most women wear weaves out of convenience. And most men just want the woman to look good, and if that means getting a weave, SO BE IT! Now I don’t want anyone to think that I am just anti weaves or that I’m too goo to wear a weave. It’s just not for me. What I do have a problem with are the girls that depend on things like hair weave to define their beauty. Long hair doesn’t automatically make you pretty or sexy. Beauty, true beauty, comes from within. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to look like the Beyonces and the Kenya Moores of the tv world. Everyone is unique in their own way. Yes, I like for my hair to look good; and let’s be real, when your hair looks good it makes you feel good. But in the end that’s not what defines my beauty. My hair can laid, but if my attitudes is stank then guess what, I’m still UGLY! I Samuel 16:7 says God see not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to look nice, but don’t let your outward appearance be the only thing that defines your beauty.

I want to know your thoughts on this subject. Leave your comments by replying to this blog.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

Embarrassed. Who…ME?

At what age should you start to be embarrassed that you’re still single? Should you ever be embarrassed to say you’re single? Some people have this idea that by a certain age they should be married, or at least engaged or in a committed relationship. And society supports that view by making those of us that are single feel like super losers…like there has to be something wrong with us that contributes to this condition of being single. Yes I’m single, yes I’m happy, no I do not have cooties and I’m not crazy…well, maybe a little crazy, but who isn’t? I told you all in my previous blog that everyone has a little crazy in them on reserve to use when necessary.

embarrassedI have never been embarrassed to tell anyone I’m single…until a few weeks ago. One day I was at the mall and while in a store shopping for shoes, because I can always use more shoes ;-), I was standing near this older woman when her husband approached her. In true male fashion, he started rushing her. She jokingly said something sassy to him and when he saw me laughing he laughed too and asked if I did my husband the same way. When I said I wasn’t married he said, “Well do you do your boyfriend that way?” My answer was a simple no, and I walked away. Now why did I not tell this complete stranger that not only am I not married, but I don’t have a boyfriend either? For a brief moment I thought about how he would look at me if I said that I had neither a husband or a boyfriend. I pictured him looking at me like “what is wrong with you little girl?”; almost like he would pity me for being alone.

For me, being single right now is a choice. I need to be fully comfortable and completely happy with myself before I can think about MAYBE letting someone special into my life. God is working on me and I have surrendered my life to Him and welcome the change He is taking me through. So I am usually never embarrassed to tell anyone that I am single. So what makes being single so undesirable and almost a curse for some? Well, I can tell you the one time of the year that is possibly the most popular time to not be single…Valentine’s Day. As I write this, flower, jewelry, and candy sales are going up as most of the world prepares for the big day of love…or lust for most. This is a day that most single people do not look forward to and often make it a goal to find someone as the holiday approaches so they don’t have to spend yet another Valentine’s Day alone. And some try to to get rid of the mates they already have in an effort to save money from buying a gift, but that’s a different blog.

So my question is, what makes you embarrassed to say you’re single? Is it your surroundings that make it taboo for you to be single? Is it your family and friends that make it seem like you’re cursed because you’re still single at whatever age you are? Does the pressure of all your friends being in relationships make it embarrassing for you to be the only one in your circle that’s single? I say none of those things should matter. You cannot let situations, a stigma, or your family and friends push you into a frenzy of finding someone. That frenzy could cause you to come home to your man wearing your new freak em dress. Or a girl that’s addicted to eating toothpaste and chasing it with rubbing alcohol. Now I know that was extreme, but it’s some weird stuff going on in this world. And nothing against the men that wear dresses or the toothpaste/rubbing alcohol girls, but these are things I need to know before I fall in love with you. So I’ll take my time and stay single until the right person comes along.Take your time and make sure you fall into the right kind of love with the right person. I know some of you may be tired of waiting and think that “right person” is never coming and it’s too late for you. I need you to keep in mind that Ephesians 3:20 says He is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine. That means you too can have that relationship that you desire. Don’t be embarrassed when someone ask if you’re still single. Hold your head high and take comfort in the fact that some of those that are looking down on you for being single are probably faking the happiness in their own “perfect” relationships. Instagram and Facebook photos don’t always show the full picture.

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~Kitta

I do?…I don’t!

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments*

Here’s what I think about marriage. I’m thinking I don’t want any parts of it. So many people ask me, “Kitta, do you really not want to get married…ever?” And my answer is YES! I really do not want to get married…EVER (in all caps so you know it’s real). Go ahead and have a seat so I can tell you my thoughts. Now if you’re happily married then kudos to you, may God continue to bless your marriage. But I gotta be honest, I talk to a diverse group of people, young, old, black, white; and none of them make me envious of the fact that they’re married and I’m not. And if you’re one of those people that I associate with, my apologies, but it’s true. Every time I talk to you I am happy to still be single.

Now I’m about to be brutally honest so don’t you judge me! And you may want to go ahead and have that seat I spoke about earlier because it’s about to get real up in here, up in here. I believe that one of my biggest fights with God is the fact that I do not want to get married, but I sometimes want to do the things that married people do. Wipe that stank look off your face! The struggle is real and I know I’m not the only one who thinks and feels that way. I’m just one of the few that’s bold enough to admit it and share it with the readers of this blog. And it’s not like I’m out spreading my unmarried wild oats; I said sometimes I WANT to do the things that married people do, didn’t say I act on those feelings.

Someone made the comment that me wanting to do the things that married people do without getting married, is like wanting to earn a paycheck without actually working. Um no ma’am, I disagree with that comment. Don’t ask me why, I just do. I know what the bible says about this–1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. And let me reiterate, and I can’t stress this enough, I am not actually out doing the things that married people do. I just sometimes want to. So now let’s get to the real meat of this blog, why I don’t want to get married…EVER! And at the end of this blog I’m going to tell you something that will make your mouth drop so keep reading. 😉

I associate with quite a few married people and they do not make marriage look attractive. I had someone say that marriage is what you make it. Ummm, that’s all you have to say about your marriage? Where is the, “I’m so in love with my wife” or “I love being married to this man”? I mean I’m already trying to make the best of this thing called life, you mean I have to just make the best of being married? No! If I get married I want it to be because we are in love and I want us to remain in love with each other. Yes I expect to have ups and downs but I want to be able to say more than “marriage is what you make it.” Now I know what you’re saying, “Don’t most people get married because they are in love?” Yes, but how many remain in love? And how many stay together out of convenience?

Okay, Okay I’m done babbling. Reason #1 why I don’t want to get married is that I don’t want to have to ask or discuss my plans with anyone. For example, when me and friends make plans to go out to dinner or drinks or whatever, my married girlfriends of course, have to discuss it with their husbands first. I like not having to discuss my plans with anyone else. If I want to go to Zimbabwe and buy a zebra, guess what I don’t have to make sure it’s okay with my better half first, I just go. Well, not really because I can’t afford to do that and I’m afraid of animals…but you get what I mean. Now I agree that the respectful thing is to talk to your mate before you make any plans, I just don’t want to, which is why I’m single.

Coolest quotes - - 21Reason #2, I don’t want to have all of my me time taken away. Me time, I love it, I crave it, I must have it. I am actually somewhat of a loner. If you know me or know of me, I probably come off as someone who loves being around people, and I do…30% of the time. The other 70% is reserved for me, myself and I. One of my married friends commented about how when she first got married she had to get accustomed to having her husband come and sit on the couch with her while she was trying to watch one of her favorite television shows. She was use to being able to sit on her couch, alone, and relax while watching television. Let me tell ya, I like coming home to an empty house and sitting on the couch ALONE! Unless I’ve just watched an episode of Criminal Minds or Forensic Files, then you can sit with me on the couch because those shows sometimes spook me…but I love them!

Reason #3, I don’t want to get married, just to get divorced. I have seen so many people going through divorces, even had a really close friend go through it and it broke my heart to see her go through that pain. I once heard someone say that it would be easier to lose your spouse to death than divorce, because divorce feels just like death; but instead you have to watch this person build a new life with someone else. WOW! I’m not saying all marriages end up in divorce, but a lot of them do. Call me chicken, but I’m not willing to take that risk.

Reason #4, I don’t want to become an old boring married couple. The married people I know never do anything fun. I know several people that were always down to have fun…until they got married. I have a friend that was so much fun to be around, and then he got married. His wife sucked all of the fun out of him! Because she doesn’t like to do certain things he can longer do them either. She doesn’t drink, so he can’t drink either (now if your spouse is a recovering alcoholic then by all means, be respectful of that). She doesn’t like to go ANYWHERE, so he can’t go ANYWHERE either. Just because your spouse doesn’t enjoy certain things doesn’t mean you have to give up those things too. As long as everything is done in moderation and you are not disrespecting your spouse or marriage, you should still be able to have fun. I don’t go out much but I don’t want to be confined to my house because my spouse is a lamer and doesn’t want to do anything or go anywhere.

Reason #5…yeah I don’t have anything else, I just don’t want to get married. I think I’ve given you enough reasons. And by now you all are probably thinking this girl is either crazy or has been hurt…A LOT! Well it’s a little bit of both, because let’s be real, we’ve all been hurt and we all have a little bit of crazy in us that we use when necessary. The big truth is I love being single. I love being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don’t want to make time for someone else in my life right now. I have too many other things I want to do and marriage is not one of them. For all those that desire to be married, great, keep praying for the one God has designed for you and don’t settle. Will my thoughts and feelings on marriage ever change? I think my mom is praying that they will. Oh, and remember I said that I had something that would make your mouth drop? Well here it is…..

I have a secret board on pinterest that only I can see. On this board is nothing but wedding stuff…dresses, flowers, rings, decorations, etc. I have my whole wedding planned out and I even know who I want my future husband to be. But I know that’s up to God because he could have someone else in mind. And no it’s not Usher. I love him but I’m not as delusional as I may seem him it comes to him.

Utterly confused now? Yeah me too. LOL

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~Kitta