You Already Know

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Can I Laugh Now? *Turning Pain And Embarrassment Into Laughter Since 2011*

You’ve been together for almost 3 years now.  You’ve met all of his family and friends, you’ve changed your relationship status on Facebook, and there are pictures of the two of you together all over Instagram…his mama even likes you.  So when is he going to make it official and declare his undying, unwavering love for you by putting a ring on it?  You’ve discussed it, he knows you’re praying for it, but he’s not ready.

You know she’s the one.  All the other girls you’ve dated have nothing on her. She’s smart, beautiful, successful; she loves God and is great with children.  She makes you feel like no one else has ever made you feel.  You know without a doubt that she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life.  But she’s is so success driven that marriage is not on her mind right now.  She wants to achieve all she can and go as high as she can in her career before she gets married and has a family.

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Waiting on Mr or Mrs right but they seem to have gotten lost?  Most people are dating for a purpose.  That purpose is usually marriage…unless you’re like me.  I’m sure what my purpose for dating is, but it sure as heck isn’t marriage.  So if you’re dating to one day reach marriage, how long is too long to wait on someone to finally be ready for marriage? Should there be a limit on how long you wait for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get themselves together? I say no. Now let me explain that no.  Everyone has their own limit or breaking point and it usually varies depending on the situation.  So technically you can’t put an official time limit on how long you are suppose to wait on someone, but we do it anyway.

So how long do you wait on someone? Well, let’s look at your relationship.  Your wait time is going to depend on YOUR relationship.  Now I need you to be honest when answering these questions, don’t lie to save face.  The first and most important question is does this person love and have a relationship with God? If the answer is no, then they definitely do not love you and you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.  There is no need for you to continue reading this blog…GET OUT NOW! If the answer is yes, keep reading.

Question 2: How long have you been in a relationship with this person? It is my belief that you should date at least 2 years before expecting the commitment of marriage. If it has been less than 1 year, stop rushing it. If it’s been 2 to 3 years, have a discussion about it, but don’t push the issue. If you have to constantly push the issue of marriage on someone, you probably shouldn’t wait on them. Something that has to be forced isn’t genuine.

Question 3: Does communicating with them seem like a burden…on them? Every time you try to talk to them their body seems to get heavy.  They start to slump over in exhaustion and their facial expression suddenly goes from sugar to salt.  Communication is key in a healthy relationship. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend without them fighting it, you will never get anywhere in that relationship.  It will always be one-sided because only one of you will be happy, and it won’t be you.

Question 4: Would you let this person have your ATM card and pin number…all day?  You have to have a significant amount of trust to let someone have your ATM card and pin number.  At least I would because I need ALL of my money, I ain’t got time for nobody to be dipping in.  If you can’t trust someone why would try to wait it out? Now at some point just about everyone in your life will do something to make you question whether you can trust them or not.  But, if this person has caused you to lose trust in them and they are not working to regain that trust, why are you waiting for them to get it together?  If you can’t trust someone you probably have very little respect for them.  Respect and trust…without there is no need to wait.

Question 5: Really?! You need more evidence as to whether you should wait around on someone??? Come on people! Truthfully only you can answer this question.  The examples I gave above are good reasons not to stick around, but only you know the details of your relationship and before reading this blog you already knew the answer to the question.  You know that gut feeling you have right now? Yep, you already know.

Right people energize you, wrong people exhaust you.  Are you energized or exhausted?  If you’re exhausted, you’ve been waiting too long.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Ditch The Name!

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Can I Laugh Now? *Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011*

What’s in a name, more specifically, a last name? I have always wondered why some women keep their married last name after they have gotten a divorce. I would think that after you have separated yourself from that man and situation you would be glad to also get rid of the last name associated with that man or situation.  Especially if it was a bad marriage or the divorce got ugly. But many women choose to keep their married last name after a divorce.  So what about when that ex husband marries another woman? Now he has two women with his last name. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to have his last name after he’s given to another woman.  It’s like he’s collecting trophies or trying to see how many women he can give his last to.  I know that may sound weird to you, but that’s how I see it.  And if you are a regular reader of my blogs you know that I have an unconventional way of thinking so get that confused look off your face.

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To satisfy my curiosity, I asked a few of my divorced Laughers why they chose to keep their married last name. Here’s what they had to say:

Laugher #1: “I kept my (married) last name for quite some time after my divorce so that my daughter would realize, that at some point, her father and I loved each other and that she was born into a family of love.”

Laugher #2: “Possibly convenience. If you have a lot going on ie: school, passport, military orders, ect, ect, ect, it’s necessary to keep everything consistent. It’s more than just changing your license… Takes time to call and correspond with all the necessary people, so sometimes it’s just easier to suck it up for the time being. The inconvenience of it all will definitely make me think hard about ever leaving my maiden name again.”

Laugher #3: “I still use my married name because my daughter asked me too. She wanted her and her mommy to have the same name. Otherwise I would’ve dropped it in a heartbeat!!!!”

Laugher #4: “I have had this last name for the past 11 years. The only thing I had to change when I got married was my driver’s license and my social security card…I was only 19. But now there is so much I would have to change and go through, it is just easier to keep my married last name even though we are divorced. And it bugs his new girlfriend so that’s a bonus.”

Some of these reasons I can understand, but the one about having to go through so much just to change your name back…not so much.  Yes, I understand that it may be a long time consuming process, but who wants to be stuck with the last name of a man you are no longer married to? Do you not think that if you meet someone that wants to give you his last name, at some point he may get offended that you are still holding on to ex’s last name? It’s like you’re still holding on to the past. How do you move forward holding on to something that you are no longer a part of? Maybe I’m over thinking it and I just don’t understand because I’m not in that situation. I don’t think the hassle of all the paperwork involved in changing your name is the real reason some people keep their married last name.  I think it’s the process of letting go of the past that influences people to keep that last name. For example, Tameka Raymond, Usher’s ex wife. She was married once before and she didn’t keep that last name, so why is she holding on to Raymond? Ditch it! And move on!

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

Stand Down

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Can I Laugh Now? *Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011*

It’s obvious that people love a good fight, a good argument. Every time someone in the public eye says or does something seemingly controversial, someone pops off and it usually starts a domino effect with others chiming in with their usually uneducated opinions.  The latest fight is against the world’s beloved Beyonce. Her song “Bow Down” has made some question her character and they have taken on the task of tearing her down and exposing her for the conceited evil person that she is.  All the people that have put her on the highest of the high pedestals are now rethinking her grandiose position and are ready to kick her to the ground.  So, according to some, Beyonce has written this song because she too recognizes her fabulousness and thinks that it’s time for her subjects, that would be you, to bow down and worship her…right? I mean, she is worthy to be worshiped right? Well that’s how some people feel…there is NONE OTHER like Beyonce. No one can do it like her…ALL HAIL QUEEN BEY!

beyonce-bow-down-lyricsI have seen so many posts and tweets addressing her song in the last few weeks, and frankly I’m tired of seeing people bash her because of this song. No, I’m not a Beyonce stan, but I will write a few words to defend her when it comes to this song. I have seen so many “church folk” say, “We should not bow down to anyone but God.” DUH! Beyonce knows that, and she’s not telling you to fall down to your knees and worship her. She knows that she is not God, it’s some others that need a reality check. This is not the first time someone has used the words “bow down.”  People have been saying that long before Beyonce put it in a song.  How many times have you heard someone giving themselves props or someone patting themselves on the back for a job well done in whatever it is they do best?  “They better recognize. I been doing this. They better “bow down” to greatness.”  Yeah, you’ve heard something similar to those words or even spoke them yourself.  But now that Beyonce is saying it, there’s a problem.

So what’s the point of this blog, you ask? Well, my point is that there are so many things that we could be focusing our time on. So why do we choose to give things that celebrities do and say so much of our time and energy? And why do we ignore the things that our friends and family say everyday that are offensive? Everyone knows at least one person that says just about anything no matter who they offend…my friends would probably point to me as being that person. Everyone has a right to say what’s on their mind right? Right, but most of us try to use a filter when speaking (I’m working on that filter). But think about it people, celebrities are here to entertain us. They work hard to stay relevant so every now and then they have to do something to shake things up a little. Be easy, STAND DOWN! You don’t have to go on the rampage or take a call to action every time a public figure says something that you don’t like or agree with.  And stop taking everything so literal.  STAND DOWN good people! While you’re condemning others for the things they say, what are you saying that is not so favorable in the eyes of those around you? Are there things that you’ve said at some point that you should have just left as a thought in your head? Matthew 7:3-5 says,  “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Focus on becoming a better you, because we all have room for improvement.  Focus your time and energy on other, more positive things, and don’t stress yourself with the sometimes foolish things that celebrities say and do. They thrive off of controversy, that’s how most of them stay relevant. Stand down…good people. STAND DOWN!

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta