Wishing On A Star

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few months ago I wrote a blog stating my views on marriage.  I got a lot of feedback, mostly negative.  Which is fine, if you’re going to dish it you got to be able to take it right?  Well, after having a discussion with one of my friend’s mom, I came to the conclusion that I am definitely in the minority when it comes to my views on marriage.  My friend’s mom stated, “Girl you have issues.  It’s every little girls dream to get married.  Every woman has been planning her wedding since she was a kid.”  1001-little-boy-proposing-to-little-girl_weI beg to differ.  When I was younger I never had dreams of getting married nor had fake weddings like many little girls do.  I guess I wasn’t the average little girl.  I mean, aren’t there better things to do when you’re a kid?  Like make mud pies and take things apart to see how they work…that’s how I spent my childhood.  As a child, you have no idea what you’re doing when you set out to plan your wedding.  All you know is that you want a pretty dress that makes you look like a princess.  You don’t even think about the husband and the actual marriage.  I think even today, most adults don’t think about the marriage because they are too busy planning the wedding.

As much as I would like to believe that I’m not the only one that didn’t have childhood dreams of getting married, it seems that I am always in the minority on most issues.  So my curious little mind did a little probing to find out just how many people have their dream weddings all planned out and just how long those plans have been in place:

 Honestly, I didn’t really have those dreams when I was younger…when I hit 30, I started wondering what a life with someone would be like…now that I’m 35 and a single mother I look at life a lot differently, because my priorities are to my kids first.  I believe that if God has that person for me, He’ll send him in His time, not mine. ~L.L.

 I didn’t dream of getting married, having a wedding, or having kids as a child, which now leads me to believe that adults who dreamed of getting married when they were kids are either married or have been married before. They tend to get married young, in their twenties. Those who dreamed of marriage as a kid, end up making it their priority, while those of us who were not mesmerized by it as a kid don’t make it a priority. ~Y.S.

 I don’t know if I really agree with this statement because I really didn’t think about weddings (not marriage, but weddings) until my early twenties.  And that is mainly because I started watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC.  As far as marriage goes, I’ve only recently been obsessing about that and that’s because I’m dating someone that I would like to make me a wife one day.  But I definitely still have some growing and maturing to do before I even consider that.  I’m still trying to figure myself out as a single woman! ~M.R.

 I don’t think every little girl grows up dreaming of getting married.  In today’s society most women have an independent mindset and feel that they can do everything on their own, even have a baby without a man, LOL.  A lot of single women bring up their daughters to have this same mindset.  I consider myself to be very independent but I definitely want to get married one day.  I was one of those girls that grew up dreaming of my wedding day.  Heck I still do.  I think marriage is one the most beautiful things that God created when it is done in the right context.  Committing your entire life to just one person is so deep and amazing to me and I can’t wait to be committed to someone through marriage one day! ~A.G.

Well, Well, Well…it looks like I’m not alone this time, with the exception of A.G.  YES!  I finally have some followers.  Thank God!  I was starting to think I was an ODDBALL! (no comments please)  My friend’s mom says I have “daddy issues.”  I’m sure I do have a few “daddy issues” because my father was not active in my life.  But I do not believe that is the reason for my marriage issues.  I have no problem being committed to someone…one day.  But I just cannot see myself getting married.  I don’t believe everyone was meant to be married.  And I believe I am one of those people.  Whenever I tell someone that, their response is usually, “Awwww!”  Why feel sorry for someone who says they don’t want to get married?  Is that the ultimate goal in life…graduate high school and get married?  Hmmmm, I hope not.  There has to more to life than marriage, even though some women think of nothing more than finding a husband.  I have a few Pinterest followers that do nothing but pin wedding dresses, reception décor, engagement rings, and bridesmaid dresses.  How about pinning some recipes or some new DIY projects so I can repin them and try them when I get bored from not having a husband. 😉

marriage-vs-wedding Reality is, not everyone is going to find their prince charming.  One reason for that is most women focus on the wedding more than the actual marriage.  They spend less time making sure the man they’ve decided to marry is the man God wants them to marry, and more time worrying about finding the perfect dress, the perfect flowers, the perfect venue, and anything else that will make this day “perfect.”  Do I have any facts to back up what I’m saying? Nope, sure don’t.  This is just my opinion, what I’m feeling.  I’m in no way saying put aside your dreams of finding a husband and planning a wedding.  But, just be sure to focus more on the marriage and less on the wedding.

Until Next Time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

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Markitta-1021Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

2 thoughts on “Wishing On A Star

  1. I didn’t think about marriage at all as a young girl. Mainly because I was too busy cooking and cleaning up behind my younger siblings. I didn’t want children and I’m still on the fence, but I guess it all depends on your “up bringing”. All I dreamed about was leaving the hood behind!

  2. I didn’t dream about a wedding. I did have a hope inside me for marriage and a family the way God intended it. Growing up, we gain our view on the world based on our parents and what we see (“train up a child”). When parents don’t do things in God’s order, it makes it extremely difficult for kids to have a healthy view on marriage and family. Imagine if everyone in your family had a healthy marriage including your parents, that would have shaped your views to be quite different. In the black communities, we only see moms and kids, and don’t even understand why marriage is so important. The balance of male/female in the home is God’s design and it’s for a reason. Our earthly father shapes our view on many things including marriage and our heavenly Father God. I do agree that folks focus more time on the wedding vs. the marriage that’s why I’m a strong advocate for pre-marital counseling and continuous marriage education throughout. My dream is for marriage and family to be reestablished in our homes. NO Husbands/dads=CHAOS

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