Why Does He Stay?!


Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

At some point all of us good girls have looked at “bad girls” and wondered why that type of girl always seems to get the guy. You know, the girl that is not so nice of a human being. The one who has a reputation for getting it in, has multiple baby daddies, cares more about partying than taking care of business, and doesn’t even really keep herself up. And the guy that most consider to be a “good guy” is the one that is drawn to her and seems to get attached and falls in love. The freak?! And yes I’m calling myself a good girl. Don’t judge me on my past, just take my word for it TODAY.

I can give you several examples but to keep your attention I’ll just talk about one situation that I am familiar with. I have an associate that I’ve known for about 15 years now. He’s been married for a while now and their relationship has been filled with enough drama to have at least 3 good drama filled seasons of a VH1 or Bravo TV reality show. They break up, she kicks him out, she changes the lock, they get back together. This is their pattern. They also have three kids, of which only one is his. Yes, she conceived all three of these children while they were together and yes he knows that they all have different fathers. Now that alone would send most men packing, but not this guy. And what I thought was going to be the last straw, but it wasn’t, was when she falsely accused him of hitting her and had him arrested in front of their children. But I guess he still has a more straws to suck on before he’s had enough. One week later I saw them together at the mall. He was so embarrassed when he saw me that he held his head down and didn’t even speak. Now don’t get me wrong, I know they are married and marriage is suppose to be for life…that’s the vow they made before God. But I do not believe that God intended for us live our lives unhappy. And I’m pretty sure he has done his share of dirt, but how much is too much? I’ve seen how unhappy he is and his excuse for staying…the kids. He says he doesn’t want to leave his kids and wants them to grow up with a mother AND father.

Kudos to him for wanting his children to have an active father but I think he is doing more damage by staying in this dysfunctional situation than he would do if he left. You can still be a father to your kids without being in a relationship with the mother. I know some men think it’s not possible but it is. So along with wanting the best for your kids, when do you start to think about yourself?

  2.7.12.parentsfighting  Is it in your kids best interest to see you move out every other month and have their mother change the locks? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father being handcuffed and arrested? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father unhappy? This is the most common excuse I hear from men that are in unhappy relationships. They stay because of their kids.

ds_img_direct.php I think that reasoning is just a lame excuse, so let me just be Kitta and say what’s really on my mind. There are a lot of men have that “captain save a hoe” mentality. They see a woman in distress, a woman that has potential, a woman they think they can change and make into a housewife. They see a woman that’s crying out for help and they must save her from that man that has done her wrong or that life that has treated her so unfairly (because of course that’s why she acts the way she does). Well guess what, fat meat is still as greasy as ever and that hoe can’t be turned into a housewife. You don’t stay for the kids, you stay because you fell in love with a not so good girl. Tell the truth and shame the devil! Oh, sorry I got kind of riled up for a minute.

Now I know you men that are reading this are thinking the same thing about us women. We end up falling in love with a no good dude and stay because we just can’t seem to break away from the hold he has on us. Yes that happens too, it’s happened to me. But the difference between men and women is that men don’t usually stick around in a bad situation as long as women do. So when you see a man constantly running back to a woman that continues to do him wrong you must know what it is that she is doing to keep him coming back. So my question is why does he stay? The man who is genuinely a good guy that is attached to a woman that some may not think deserves him. The man who’s in love with a girl that will never give all of herself to him because she just doesn’t want to. The man who stays with the girl that cheats on him, doesn’t have her ish together, doesn’t know how or doesn’t want to love him, and could care less about taking care of home. Why does he stay?

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

One thought on “Why Does He Stay?!

  1. Well i was never a hoe , but i had a lot of issues drug addiction, alcoholism , and i left my husband several times we also have three kids and i am grateful to god that my husband did not give up on me i have been clean and sober for almost three years now. My husband has made his mistakes also he used to be very cruel, manipulative ,controling, and i didn’t find out until i got clean but he had been having an affair with another woman. He is also a recovering addict but he has been clean for almost 13 years. Its kinda a neat story really when we first got together 13 and a half years ago he had just got out of rehab and at a party one night i saw him do cocaine i told him i was completely against drugs and could not be with someone who did that. He quit right then and never touched it again. Fast forward about 4 years i started getting ovarian cysts which are very painful and that led to an addiction to pain pills. Everyone told him to leave me alone that i wasn’t worth his time . Anyway we have been through more than most couples will in a lifetime including the loss of a daughter. But we are more in love now than qe have ever been living a wonderful life devoted completely to each other our children and God. You never really know all the details of a situation unless it is you going through it, I’m sure your friend has his reasons even if he won’t explain them.

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