Why I’m Single

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few days ago I was standing in front of the mirror snapping pictures of myself trying to take the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. I must have snapped at least 30 shoots before I had one that I liked and was presentable enough for everyone else to see. If you check my Instagram page you will see that I have posted very few pictures of myself. The rare times that I do post a pic of myself I go through the process of finding the perfect lighting and usually snap pics for about 10 minutes before I have one that I almost like. And if I stare at it for more than 5 minutes I can find at least 3 things wrong with it and I no longer almost like it. But, during this process a few days ago I realized why I’m single. Well I realized the biggest reason that I’m single, because there’s more than one reason. I, Markitta Michelle Garner, have a self-image problem. My mental picture of myself is poor. After doing a little research I was surprised to discover that many people with type A personality tend to have a poor self-image. Those with type A personality tend to be ambitious, impatient, truthful, sensitive and always try to help others. I should get a Type A Personality t-shirt made and wear it everyday.

unnamed3

I am constantly promoting Team Single. I never miss the opportunity to let the world know how happy I am with my single status, and I am happy being single. I am in no rush to be boo’ed up. But I also have to be honest with myself about one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to stay single for so long. It’s not that I don’t go out or that no one shows interest, or the excuse that a lot of women in my small town like to use, “There are no good men in this city.” I’m sure there are plenty of good men in my area. My why is my self-image. How I see myself is not the same as how others say they see me. When I’m at home getting dressed for work or a night out with my girls. I have a little confidence. But once I step over the threshold of my front door, that confidence level quickly diminishes.

unnamed4

Phot cred: Trunetta Atwater http://www.trunettaatwater.com

 I’m pretty as long as I’m the only one and there’s no competition. I’m pretty until I’m among my friends who exude a natural beauty…a beauty that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pretty until I’m surrounded by other women that I’m constantly comparing myself to. I’m pretty until I step on the scale. I’m pretty until someone wants to take a picture with me. I can’t tell you where my self-image issues come from because I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that I compare myself to others a lot and I’m sure if I stopped doing that I would probably like myself a lot more. So I guess my issues come from my own insecurities. I definitely do not lack people in my life, male and female, that tell me I’m beautiful inside and out. The problem is I don’t believe them. It’s kind of like when you’re mom tells you you’re pretty…I feel like they’re saying it because they’re my friends, not because they really mean it.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not looking for validation from a man. I love myself enough not to settle or let someone belittle or disrespect me, but I don’t always like myself. I’m single because I don’t feel attractive. And if I don’t feel attractive I can’t attract anyone else. I’m single because I literally don’t want a man to hug me or touch me in any way because I don’t have the perfect body. I’m single because I feel like if any man gets to close he’ll see all my imperfections.

My friends recently asked me if them telling me that I’m pretty make a difference and the answer is no. You can tell someone something a thousand times, but until they can see it for themselves you’re wasting your breath. Other people’s opinion of me shouldn’t shape how I feel about myself. I have to change my mental perception and realize that God made everything beautiful, including me. So in an effort to reverse my self-image I am going to look in the mirror every morning and repeat Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

I am currently reading the book Glamour Girl: How To Get The Ultimate Makeover! by Megan Mottley. One of my favorite quotes the book reads, “Problems arise when we compare ourselves to others as well as what we constantly see on television, in magazines, and so forth. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors and no one is better than the other. Our society has defined beauty, fashion, music, religion and many other factors to be a certain way and anything else is ugly, not stylish or just plain wrong. The key is to define your own style and attitude, while taking only a few tips from magazines, television or the people you observe on a daily basis.”

Summer 2007

I know I’m not the only one struggling with their self-image. To all my beauties, “you are created in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile.” ~Vicky Courtney http://www.focusonthefamily.com

unnamed

To purchase the Glamour Girl book visit The Glamour Girl Movement

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

6 thoughts on “Why I’m Single

  1. First I want to applaud you for your honesty. As I became older, I had to ackowledge my own self-image (esteem) issues and God has shown me the reason, so many of us have or still do struggle with this. Fatherlessness is the answer. When your father is not in your life and is not there for you, you ultimately feel like you are not good enough. I know I questioned many times, why does he not want to be in my life? What is it about me? Fathers validate their children. And when they aren’t there, it leaves so many questions and insecurities. This is nothing that God cannot heal, but it is tough. Because the first man that was supposed to value me, did not. So, subconsciously that causes a fatherless child to question their value. We must first be honest about the hurt from childhood, then be honest about how it has affected us. We must forgive the father who wasn’t there (he more than likely experienced the same thing and was dealing with similar hurt and ignorance as to how to be a father). Lastly, seek God for healing and His word for validation of who we are. We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

  2. I join in the applaud! For me I feel the core issue lies in the way we view GOD/ourselves. Religions have us feeling that in our core we still have to be a certain way to be loved by GOD/ourselves. Religion has caused many to compete to be accepted.. If u don’t fit this idea or that image or do these acts a mind can have one feeling less than . Ppl have been taught to look outside of themselves for answers and that causes feelings of lack, like who am I, why don’t I know this or that and why did I create myself to look this way etc.?
    I suggest that we all accept (all) we surrender and know that it is ok to feel the way we do, not what we were taught and grow w those feelings.
    We also need to hear our truth… U stated when u finally do find a photo u like ..your first thought, u see you, which is a work of art(truth) .. Then u said after 5 mins u start to doubt and then maybe a feeling of sadness comes w another feeling of lack. Whenever this occurs we as ppl need to immediately recognize the truth which comes first and build on that. While symotaniously throwing out the doubt. YOU WILL SEE YOUR OWN BEAUTY AND NOT ANOTHER’s OPINION OF IT.

  3. it takes. a lot of courage to look at yourself and identify a flaw most people cant do that but the next step is for you to reconcile this problem

  4. Great post, Markitta. There are not many people (including myself) who could provide this level of detail and honesty in such a thought-provoking post for the world to see! I, too, join in the applause and look forward to the helpful discussion I know this post will garner.

  5. Great post Kitta, So many people including myself can relate to this. I salute you for being open and transparent about your story. I saw a short video a few days ago that touched on this topic. It was very moving so I wanted to share it with you! Check it out.

Leave a Reply to Magnet for Foolishness Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s