Church Questions: From The Mind Of A 14 Year Old Boy

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

There are so many questionable things that go within the church. Like the many different funds that they collect money for (building fund, parking lot fund, new baptismal pool fund, choir fund, etc.) but members never actually see the fruits of the money they pour into the church. Or the pastor living more lavishly than anybody else in the church. My now 14 year old god son recently pondered some more humorous questions while sitting in church one day…some of which I’d personally like answers to.

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  1. Why are church songs 3 minutes long but take a whole hour for the choir to sing?
  2. Why when people stomp it shakes the whole place? Exactly how old is this church and is God trying to tell me something (in my male Sug Avery voice)? Like get out now before the whole building collapses?
  3. Are all the people that sing in the church choir ‘fruit snacks?’
  4. Why is that church only last for 2 hours but it feels like 365 days? Is it time for watch service again?
  5. Why is it that one old person that looks like your substitute teacher from school?
  6. Is that swaying motion really necessary?
  7. Why do you get sleepy so fast in church? Is the holy ghost really the sandman in disguise?
  8. Why is there always one old woman in every church name Margret? What is a Margret?
  9. What is that “yeeeyeeeeyeeeyeee” sound old women make when they sing?
  10. Why does my mom clap like a crab pinching its’ claws together?

These are questions that have gone unanswered for years. If anyone has any answers for my god son please share and I’ll pass them along to ease his inquiring mind.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

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