Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011
Would you date you? Odd question right? When I asked myself that question my initial answer was NO! Because I’m a girl and I like men. But when I dive a little deeper into my psyche I have to really ask myself, “Kitta, would you date you?” If I were a guy and I met me at the grocery store or at a party or while I was out for a Saturday morning run and I’m looking all good in my workout clothes and I asked me out on a date, after getting to know me on the first few dates, would I continue to date me? I talked to one of my former pastors/mentors and I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes, I once was a member of a church. Anywho, he asked me the question that everyone always asks when they haven’t talked to you in a while, “How’s your love life? Are you dating?” I’m sorry, my what? Love life…Can I get the definition please? Nope, still don’t comprehend…can you use it in a sentence? Whenever I’m asked that question my answer is the same as it’s been for the last few years, “Boys Suck!” I can’t seem to get the hang of this dating thing. I’m either not interested in the guys that show interest in me or I seem to pick guys that have no interest in me…the guys whose like isn’t mutual, or so it seems. So that leaves me with one question: “Would I date me?” What am I doing or not doing that still has me in this single stage of life?” Okay that was two questions, but…just be quiet and keep reading.
My pastor/mentor asked me several questions that made me think about what guys see when they look at me…the vibe that I give off every time I speak. One question that he asked was, “Have you come to terms with the fact that guys find you intimidating?” That question almost hurt my feelings. Now this isn’t the first time someone told me this but it’s still surprising to me. I’m not sure what I am doing or saying that would intimidate anyone. I mean am I supposed to be a damsel in distress to attract a guy? Do I downplay my personality? I’m not really sure how I’m coming off as intimidating so any observations that you’ve made and would like to share are welcome (constructive criticism only please). He also said, to some, I can come off a little harsh with my words and may seem to not have a sense of humor. GASP! Now that one DID hurt my feelings. Me not have a sense of humor? Is that really how people see me? His words make me sound like a mean, stuck up person who doesn’t know how to laugh and have fun, and I know that’s not me at all. It made me kind of sad to think maybe that’s how people see me and that may be one of the reasons I’m not dating as much as I would like to be. But in my wanting to rejoin the dating world, and failing miserably at it, this conversation made me do a hard self-evaluation and figure out if I would be willing to date me before I expect someone else to want to date me.
As I let this self analysis sink in, I made some mental notes about myself. I’m not approachable, and if I’m not approachable I have very little chance of being asked out. I realize that I have built this wall of protection and I don’t let a lot of people pass, but those who have taken the time to get to know me understand that I’m not as tough as I seem. But I guess I need to at least knock a hole in that wall if I want people to know the real me. I’m buckets of fun to be around, but the only way to know that is to spend some time with me. But I also realize I have to be open to letting people get to know me. I also have a tendency to be very independent ALL THE TIME! I love when someone does something for me that possibly lightens my load a little or makes my day a tad bit brighter…but the way I reject acts of kindness sometimes you’d hardly be able to tell. Even when I’m with my guy friends and they offer to help me down the stairs or carry a bag for me I immediately say, “I got it“, because I’m so accustomed to doing things myself. I fail to realize that they’re doing these things for the mere fact that they’re gentlemen and that’s how they were raised. So, now that I’ve done this critique on myself I can honestly say right now NO I would not date me. Dang! I wouldn’t even date myself…that’s cold! But sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and recognize that there is a reason for everything, including why you’re still single (if you happen to be a single person reading this). We’re all looking for someone who can bring just as much to the table as we ourselves bring. But just what are you bringing to the table? You can’t bring baggage, a negative attitude, trust issues, and insecurities and expect someone to sop it up with a biscuit. For my singles who are wanting to date more or maybe looking for a more serious commitment, I urge you to do a short, honest self-evaluation on yourself. And ask yourself if you would date you. If your answer is no, pinpoint those areas of needed improve and commit today to making a few adjustments. If you keep doing the same things you’ve always done, you’re going to keep getting the same results you’ve always gotten…another weekend alone on the couch watching Netflix. ..or Pornhub (I don’t judge) LOL
Until next time,
Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.