Fatherless Daughters: 5 Things She Needs Her Father To Know

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My relationship with my father has never been a close one. Even when I was a child he wasn’t around much. I saw him on holidays and I spent most of my summers in Missouri with him, accompanied by my grandmother. I thought I was fine with our relationship because, well, I was a child and when all you’ve ever had is a part-time dad you really don’t know that it’s suppose to be different. When he came around I knew that I could get whatever I wanted as far as material things. I figured that was his way of saying ‘I love you’–eventually I figured out it was his way for making up for not being around much. Even though I didn’t see him on a regular basis I still thought he was a good father. But that was partly because, at the time, I didn’t really know the difference between a good father and a bad one. It wasn’t until I got older that I started noticing things and became aware of the fact that my father could be doing a way better job. He played no part in raising me. He was more like the favorite uncle that you looked forward to seeing during the holidays and at the family reunion. As I got older the relationship got worse—virtually non-existent. He got married when I was in middle school and didn’t bother to tell me. The summer before he got married was the last summer I spent with him. I went several years without having any contact with him and finally got acclimated to not having a father in my life so I mentally blocked him out. It was like he was dead. I’m now in my thirties and since the age of 12 I’ve only spoken with him maybe 3 times.

No matter how old we get, we still need our parents around. We never stop needing our parents. We may pretend to be okay with that absent parent, but if those of us who don’t active an active father (or mother) in our lives, IT HURTS! The feeling of not being wanted, by your parent of all people, is one that cuts deep. If I had to speak for all women who had a father that chose not to be around, I would say there are a few things we need our father to know.

I cried when you didn’t show up.

Children remember everything. Every promise you made, everything you said you were going to do, every place you said you were going to take me…I remember. So when you made a promise to show up for me and you broke that promise it hurt. No matter how many times you broke your promises to me, I never got used to it and it hurt the same every time.

You were the first man to break my heart.                                                                                

I’ve had a few failed relationships and had my heart broken more times than I would have liked. But the first heartbreak I can remember is the one that came from you leaving me behind. Tossing me aside like I didn’t even matter. Did you ever think about me or miss me? I’ve recently been in the same room with you and watched you speak to everyone except me…like I wasn’t even there. Fortunately, I’ve learned that not all men are like you and I am now open to receive love and have children of my own.

I wanted you to choose me first.

Everyone wants to be put first sometimes–to be the first choice. I wanted to know that I was more important than everything else you had going on. Choosing your girlfriend, new wife, or other children that aren’t biologically yours should never happen. I should have never been in second place to anyone or anything.

When you hurt my mom, you hurt me too.

What goes on between parents should really have nothing to do with the child. No matter how well, or not so well, the parents get along, the child should always be priority and that relationship should not determine whether a parent remains in his child’s life. But no child wants to see either of their parents hurt. When I saw my mother visible hurt by the things you did and didn’t do, it affected me. I lost a little more respect for you each time I saw my mother hurt.

For some reason, I still love you.

Whenever someone does something to hurt us, we wish we could instantly turn off our love for them. Unfortunately, for our hearts it doesn’t work that way. I feel like I should have no love for you–I barely know you and you show me no love at all. But because you are my father, I still love you.

Fathers, you are the first EVERYTHING for your daughters. You are the first man she loves and respects. She looks up to you and to her you can do no wrong. She will either admire you for the way you treat her mother, or resent you for causing so much pain. She learns from you how to be treated by a man. That can either have a negative or positive effect on what and who she allows in her life. The relationship, or lack thereof, that you have with her mother shouldn’t affect you being there. She doesn’t want your money or your gifts, she wants your time. She wants you to love her and fight for her and protect her. Don’t be the reason for her tears, be there to wipe her tears.

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Black and Missing: The Search Stops Here

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Every 40 seconds a child goes missing in the United States. Every 40 seconds…which means every time we blink a child is being snatched. Ever wonder how many of those children are Black or brown? Recently there’s been a spike in missing Black and Latinx children in the Washington, D.C. area. Latinx refers to the gender-inclusive way of referring to people of Latin American descent. The D.C. Police Department tweeted a list of 10 Black and Latinx teenagers that have gone missing in a matter of just a week. Since that initial tweet, 2 of the teens have been found but there are still 8 missing. Besides the tweet by the police department and many retweets, there has been little to no media coverage on this. Would it have been different if all of these teenagers, or even just 3 or 4 of them, were white? Many, including myself, believe so. According to the late reporter Gwen Ifil, the media doesn’t care about missing people of color. They are too caught up in the “missing white woman syndrome”, which means they have a strange fascination with missing white women who are young, pretty, and usually from middle or upper-class families. Many of those that live in the D.C. area, who are signed up for Amber Alerts, said they never received an Amber Alert on any of these children that have been reported missing. But the very moment that a white baby crawls out of his crib in the middle of the night we get an Amber Alert about it and the baby hasn’t even left the house yet. So why isn’t the same precaution and urgency put into finding our children, those that are Black and brown?

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Let’s look at some numbers. Did you know that minority children make up 65% of all non-family abductions, with 42% of that number being Black children? Because there has been a high number of missing cases since January of this year, some believe that it may be related to sex trafficking. It’s said that 79% of human trafficking victims are women and girls. It’s estimated that there are between 12.3 million to 27 million people enslaved in forced or bonded labor, child labor, or sexual servitude at any given time. According to FBI reports, 83% of those victims are U.S. citizens and 42% of those victims are Black. The alarming thing for the African American community is that the majority of people sold for sex in the U.S. are Black and brown children. The scary and heartbreaking thing is that a lot of countries, like Africa, Asia, and Latin America, do not even track missing children.

Let’s look at why children go missing. There are typically two reasons that children go missing: they are either abducted or they run away. With abductions, if it’s a family abduction, it’s usual because the family member (abductor) is trying to force a reconciliation or continue interaction with the left behind parent, punish the parent, or protect the child from a parent who is perceived to molest, abuse or neglect the child. If a child is abducted by a stranger, it is usually for sexual purposes. In 99% of family abductions, the child is returned alive, while there is only a 57% chance the child is returned safely in stranger abductions—40% of victims abducted by strangers are murdered.

These numbers are alarming and the fact that we don’t hear about a lot of the minority kidnappings and missing children is even more reason to be concerned. But perhaps the most heart wrenching piece of information I ran across was the existence of pedophile gangs. A pedophile is a person that is sexually attracted to children, and yes these people have formed their own gangs. Pedophile gangs are rare in the United States, although they do exist, but are very prevalently in the United Kingdom. Once these gangs have kidnapped a child, their members pay $10-$15 each to have sex with the child, after which the child is killed in order to prevent them from saying anything. Members of these gangs usually wear a distinctive piece of jewelry so they can identify each other.

This information should frighten us so that we start playing a more active role in protecting our children. If the police are actively shooting our young Black men every day, we can’t be surprised that authorities aren’t doing more in the way of searching for missing Black and brown children. Social media is a powerful tool and most of us spend all day looking at and posting selfies and other not so important pictures and videos, so why not use it for something productive. Whenever you see a posting about a missing child, share it, even if the child is not from your city or state. The more it’s shared the further it spans and you never know who may have seen something or who may know something. Follow organizations like Black and Missing Foundation that provide information on missing people of color and educate the minority community on personal safety. Get involved in search efforts if you have the opportunity. If there is a local search party in your area, do your part to help. Or if you know a family that is missing a child or family member and they aren’t getting much help from authorities, offer to help in their search efforts, even if it means starting a search party yourself. Parents, talk to your children and pay attention to what’s going on with them. Be mindful of their friends and know where your kids are at all times. Also, pay attention to any little changes that may be taking place with your children and always let them know they have your undivided attention, and don’t be afraid to talk to them about any and everything. If children are feeling neglected, unloved or abused those are often good reasons, for them, to run away.

For more information on missing Black children and ways you can help visit the Black and Missing Foundation. And if you’re in the Baltimore area be sure to sign for the Hope Without Boundaries 5K Walk/Run to benefit the Black and Missing Foundation.

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Things My Kids Don’t Need To Know: Father’s Day Edition

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

As people, in general, we make tons of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Those of us that do not have children and are not married tend to be a little more carefree because it’s just us. Those who have kids tend to be a little more careful with their choices because they have little eyes that are watching, and often times mimicking, their every move. And as a part of growing up, we also make many mistakes, mainly because we’re young and learning. Our parents try to tell what is and what’s not a good decision, but usually don’t listen. We think we know what’s best for us and we sometimes can’t rely on what our parents are trying to tell us because we don’t know that they have been there, done that, and they have the Polaroid to prove it. Polaroid because, you know, they’re old (don’t send your parents for me because I called them old). It’s a blessing when we do actually learn from our mistakes and make positive changes in our lives. It sucks when we keep making the same mistakes and never grow from the place of immaturity to mature adult. Well, I talked to a few fathers who have made the transition to mature adult despite the mistakes they’ve made.

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Is That A Gun In Your Backpack?

“I have several things that I regret now that I wouldn’t want my kids to find out. My senior year of high school I was expelled from school for having a gun at school. I brought shame to myself and my family. I don’t think that’s something I would tell my children unless I felt it was beneficial to them. The good news is that I later went to college and graduated.” ~A.J.

I Love Twix

As most good parents do, you teach your kids about right and wrong, including not taking things that don’t belong to you. Well I remember there being a warehouse not too far from where I lived when I was growing up. My friends and I made more than one trip stealing cases of candy bars from their trucks. I’m a fan of Twix so it wasn’t too hard to convince me to do the dirty deed. I knew it was wrong and looking back I can’t believe that I did that. I was always paranoid that my mom would be cleaning my room and find the boxes of candy under my bed…luckily she never did.” ~C.B. (SN: I grew up next door to these young men and I’m a little upset that they never shared any of those goodies they stole. I never knew anything about a candy warehouse. Not that I condone stealing, but they could have thrown a snicker my way.)

Skating Around With ‘Kesha’

“I went to jail trying to sell weed. I got busted at the skating rink when they decided to search us and I had a joint that I had in a little baggy that I actually forgot was in my pocket. As they were throwing me up against the wall my cousin was calling my mom. I was 20 and still living with my mom at the time. She went into my room and found my stash…she threw away a pound and a half of Marijuana. I was so sick, but I would never want my baby girl to know her daddy tried to be a drug dealer.” ~G.B.

A Crackhead Will Steal From Anyone

“When I was younger I once stole money from my girlfriends purse to buy drugs. Now what father would want their kids to know that they were so low at one point that they actually went into a woman’s purse and took her money?”~CH.B.

I Loved The Ladies…Too Much

“This really isn’t a secret to those who have known me for years, but in my single days I was addicted to women…literally. At one point in my life I managed 9 committed/labeled girlfriends at once. And the adrenaline rush of getting caught drove me to desire more. My daughters (and wife) will never know that part of my life, but my girls will learn the difference between lust and love and all the possible angles men can utilize to have relations with them.” ~D.C.

I Love Your Mom…Now

“I would be embarrassed for my son to know how I treated his mom before we got married. When we dated the first time I was not ready for a relationship. I remember once on her birthday, I picked her up, took her through the drive-thru at Long John Silvers and then dropped her off at home. I went to kick it with my boys on her birthday. Our relationship was pretty much over after that. We went our separate ways and pursued relationships with other people. But I’m happy to say that we found our way back to each other and are happily married. So glad God forgive me and so did she. No more Long John Silvers on her birthday.” ~S.K.

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful fathers out there. Allow your past mistakes to make you a better parent and try to steer your children in the right direction. And remember no matter how hard you try to prevent your children from going down the wrong path, they will make their own mistakes. Just be there to help them up without judgement. You were once young and probably made some of the same mistakes. And if you’re a father that doesn’t have the greatest relationship with your children, take today to make it right. Someone has to make the first move.

As Always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Things You Don’t Need To Know: Mother’s Day Edition

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Do you sometimes ask your mom questions about her past? Maybe about things that happened before you were born? Like, Have you ever smoked weed?, Did you ever sneak out of the house?, We’re you a virgin before you met my father? A lot of us wonder what our mothers were like before we came along. We like to think that our mothers are perfect but, ummm, that’s just not a realistic thought. Just like we’ve done things that we aren’t so proud of and mistakes, some more than others (I’m talking about myself), our mothers made some mistakes too. There are things that they would never want you to find out because maybe they’re embarrassed or they don’t want you to follow in their footsteps. But I think in a lot of cases, if parents were more open about SOME of their past mistakes, they could actually help their children through similar situations or maybe even prevent them from going through the same thing. So in honor of Mother’s Day I found a few mothers that were brave enough to share some of their past experiences with me. Not brave enough to let me share their names, but brave none the less. Check them out:

The Dentist Is My Friend ~ by T.

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“When I was younger I dated this guy whose dad had his own janitorial business, so he had keys to several offices in our town. My boyfriend would get his dad’s keys and we would go to different places and have sex. It really didn’t matter where because we would basically do it anywhere. But there was one place we seemed to visit often, the dentist office. One day when I was taking my son to his dental appointment with his new dentist, I thought I recognized the address but couldn’t figure out if I had been there before. Once we got inside I realized this was the same dentist office me and my ex use to visit to have sex. And my son and I actually sat in the same area that our little ‘adventures’ took place. I would die if he ever knew that his mom had sex in the same office where he gets his teeth cleaned.”

Mommy’s A Liar ~ by J.

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“When I was in high school I would go midnight bowling all the time. Well, at least that’s where my parents thought I was going. I was really out with my friends going to different bars. I thought I was getting away with it, but I later found out that my mom kind of suspected that I wasn’t really bowling. But my dad totally believed I was into bowling. So much so, that I later found out he was going to buy me my own bowling ball and bag. My mom later told me she was so close to letting him buy it for me just so I would have to drag that heavy thing with me every time I claimed to go bowling. I would never want my kids to know that I was lying about my whereabouts every time I left home. And it’s scary to think that they would ever lie about where they are when they start going out with their friends.”

THOT ~ by C.

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“I have dated a lot of men. Over the period of a few years I can count at least 34 men that I have dated. And I’m 34 years old now. Of course I did not have all of these men around my son, but for a while I was ‘out there.’ I wouldn’t want my son to know that I was a THOT…That Hoe Over There.”

I Maced Your Father ~ by S.

Pepper Spray

“My relationship with my kids father has always been, for lack of a better word, rocky. We had an on and off again relationship. When he acted like a good human being we were together and happy, when he cheated with other women and even made a baby with someone else we would be broken up. Well one night my girls and I decided to hang out at a local club. Well, we hung out in the parking lot because, like most of the people hanging out in the parking lot, we weren’t old enough get in. What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend was also in the parking lot and he had another girl in his car. Of course I flipped out, although you would think I’d use to this behavior by now. We got into an argument and I ended up spraying him in the face with the mace I had attached to my key ring. We are not together today because I was finally smart enough to walk away. And I do not talk bad about him in front of my children because I never want them to know what kind relationship I had with their father. I don’t want to paint a bad picture of him and I definitely do not want them to think that I was stupid for putting up with his mess, LOL.”

Petty Theft ~ By M.

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“When I was younger I hung out with these two girls that were a really bad influence. We went to a store together one day and after we returned home one of them pulled out a pair of earrings she had stolen. I was shocked that she stole something and amazed that it was that easy to get away with it. We started going to various stores and shoplifting. We would take a shirt or a pair of pants. Well one day, unknown to us, store security was watching us. As we left the store security stopped us and we were escorted back into the store. Long story short we spent the night in jail. We were charged with misdemeanor theft and had to pay fines, given community service, and we were put on probation for one year. That’s why it’s so important for me to know my kid’s friends. I need to know who they are hanging around and where they are going when they leave the house. I don’t want them to have any bad influences that will lead to them making a stupid mistake that could follow them for years. I also don’t want them to be the bad influence on someone else, which is why I do my best to make sure they know right from wrong and the consequences of doing wrong.”

Taking The Back Roads ~ by K.

"Will it take you long to fix it ?.I have to be home in twenty minutes."

“One day after school I went to visit my boyfriend, one my parents didn’t know about. When I left I was rushing home because it was almost time for my mom to be home. On my way home my car stopped on a back road that I didn’t have any business being on because it was coming from my boyfriend’s house. Of course I had to call my mom. When she asked me why I was on that back road I told her that a police car was behind me so I turned onto another because I was nervous that he was going to give me a ticket. Well, my fuel pump had gone out on my car and I went like a month without a car because my mom made me save the money to have my car fixed. Something always goes wrong when you’re doing something that you’re not suppose to be doing. I wouldn’t want my son to know that I had relationships that my parents didn’t know about. I wouldn’t want him hiding anything like that from me. And my car stopping on that back road could have been a worse situation than it was if I didn’t have a way to call for help.”

WOW! You mothers are something else! But we’ve all done some things that we aren’t proud of. It’s called life! I know there are some things I would never want my kids to know but thankfully I’m never having kids so I won’t have to worry about that. But if I did have children, and they can read, ummmmm since mommy is a blogger that puts ALL of business out there for the world to read about…they will be able to read about all of my stupid mistakes. And I think I would be okay with that. If it helps them to know that mommy went through the same thing they may be currently going through, I’m fine with them knowing about the time I played the fool for a guy…several guys. Oh geez! Happy Mother’s Day Laughers!

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Suppose Jesus Said No?

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” ~Matthew 26:39

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Have you ever wondered what this world would be like if Jesus said ‘NO’? If He hadn’t went to Calvary? If He hadn’t died for our sins? That’s a terrifying thought and one that has honestly never entered into my mind. How often do we say this prayer: “Your will be done, not mine.”? Do we really mean it? I can honestly say that I’ve prayed that prayer, wanting God’s will to be done but still wanting very much to do want I want to do. What if Jesus was more concerned about Himself and not the will of God? What if He threw them deuces and was like, “Nope! I’m not dying for y’all!”. What if He was just as disobedient as we are when it comes to carrying out God’s will and walking in our purpose?

‘Suppose Jesus Said No’, which started out as a song and transitioned into a play, was written in 1976 by Russell Morrow. Mr. Morrow is the pastor of Forest Heights United Methodist Church of Jackson, TN and the founder and executive director of New Generations Ministries. While at Wilberforce University in Wilberforce, OH, Pastor Morrow wrote the play as his graduate project. The play didn’t make its’ first debut on stage until 1988 in Brookhaven, MS. The upcoming date of April 3, 2015, will make only the 4th time the play has been presented to the public.

Pastor Morrow explains, “The play explores the experiences of Lisa and Imani, two young women who grew up in the church as they struggle with life changing decisions. Life changing decisions that have the potential to lead them down a dark and troubled road, one, because of selfish ambition and the other, because of love. Through drama, laughter, music and personal reflection, we follow them through their personal struggle with self-denial to their joyful experience with the power of gratitude.

Pastor Morrow is hoping to draw in a lot young adults with this play. Pastor Morrow’s objective with this play is to have it speak to people in a compassionate, loving, and truthful way, versus condemning the victim. Many times people go to church and instead of being loved and welcomed they are victimized and mistreated. He feels that the church has a major responsibility of reaching those who are broken. Pastor Morrow’s hope is that through drama, laughter, personal reflection, and music people will ask themselves, “Am I putting Christ first or am I saying no to Him?”, “Do I love things or persons to my detriment when I should be loving God?”. Pastor Morrow hopes to eventually develop a traveling ensemble to perform the play in different cities and states.

Now I don’t know about y’all but I will definitely be seeing this play. I mean don’t you want to see what could possible happen if Jesus said no? I do! And what’s even better is that a portion of the proceeds from this play will be donated to Keep My Hood Good, WRAP – Wo/Men’s Resource and Rape Assistance Program, and Martin Housing Authority Learning Center. How awesome is that! And y’all know I love to give back in any way I can. So you get entertainment and the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping support some of your local community organizations. The play takes place Friday April 3, 2015 at 6:30pm at Liberty Technology Magnet High School in Jackson, TN.

For more info or tickets to the play visit their Facebook Event page ‘Suppose Jesus Said No?‘ or contact Ms. Betty Lyons at (731) 668-5209, Monday – Thursday 9:00am – 1:00pm or you can even contact me for a ticket. Convenient right? 😉 I hear a lot of people say there’s never anything to do in Jackson. Ok, I say that a lot too but I’m happy I have plans this weekend to see this play. Start your Easter weekend right by taking your entire family to see ‘Suppose Jesus Said No’

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Thick

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

I absolutely abhor the word ‘thick’ when used to describe someone’s body, mainly the female body. EVERYBODY wants to be thick! I believe the word thick is a glorified term for the word fat. Why are we celebrating obesity by trying to camouflage it as ‘thick’? Women that are overweight will quickly label themselves as ‘thick’ rather than fat. We strive to have the biggest butts and thighs. This is the way most people describe the difference between thick and fat: if a woman has a big butt, big hips, and fat thighs but has a fairly small waist she’s considered to be ‘thick’. But if she has a gut, with the same big butt, hips, and thighs, THEN she’s fat. What the freak?! Flat stomach huge butt and thighs, not fat….big stomach with the same huge butt and thighs, fat. Never mind that the girl with the flat stomach is 5’5 and weighs 250…she’s just thick, not fat. Because of the extra weight she’s carrying in her butt, hips and thighs, there’s extra strain on her knees…but she thick though! Ayyyyeeeee!

I was watching the latest episode of Being Mary Jane and Mary Jane, played by Gabrielle Union, was talking to her niece, played by Raven Good win, about her weight and getting healthy. It’s like she was in my head because she took the words right out of my mouth:

mary jane and niecy

Mary Jane: This conversation is about your health, about Diabetes, High Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure

Niecy: I am Healthy, I’m just Thick!

Mary Jane:  No no no, Do not get me started on the whole, I’m thick conversation!

Niecy: Oh please get started, please.

Mary Jane: Ok, Why does every overweight black woman in the hood think she’s thick? We don’t eat well, we don’t exercise, and then we justify our diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure by saying I was born this way, God made me 60lbs overweight, and you know what, it’s all fun and games until you lose a foot at 40 from diabetes messing around trying to be an a** model on Instagram, ain’t nobody gonna call ya thick when you got three toes left.

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I’m not a skinny girl, so don’t think I’m picking on the fat girls. Nor do I have the desire to ever be skinny. I’m a person who is very health conscious and I am more concerned with being healthy than having a big butt or big thighs. I am a person that thinks we should be tired of losing friends and family to diseases that we can actually control and manage through diet and exercise. Ladies you can have a nice body without being skinny. I have no desire to be skinny, that’s not why I workout and try to watch what I eat. I workout mainly for my health, having a nice body is the icing on the cake. I have curves and I want to keep my curves, but I don’t want to be overweight. And ladies, can we please stop letting men and the media set the standard for our idea of what’s beautiful.

Why are we so quick to label someone as thick and not call it what it is…FAT?! I think the main reason women love to label themselves thick is because the word fat has become profane. Fat sounds sloppy and nasty while thick sounds curvy and voluptuous. Fat and thick are the same…they both are used to describe obese and overweight individuals. Stop glorifying fatness by calling it thickness…Fat is not thick! It’s FAT…OVERWEIGHT…OBESE! Calling it thick doesn’t change its’ appearance.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Now Hiring – Temporary Positions Available

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Wifey

A REAL lady, not your only but your favorite, different from them hood rat chicks. Sexy in every way possible, when she smiles it’s sexy, even when she’s mad at you it’s sexy.

Hubby

May refer to a woman’s partner who has the potential of becoming her future husband.

I get so annoyed when I hear someone refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend as hubby and wifey . When did it become okay to take the title of a marriage mate without actually being married? According to urban dictionary, a hubby or wifey is someone who has the potential of becoming a person’s husband or wife. How many “potentials” have you dated? Most of us have dated at least 2 or 3 in our lifetime. Throughout our lives most of us go through a few relationships before we find the one, if we’re ever so fortunate to find the one. Some of those relationships are going to be serious, having the potential to lead to marriage. So do we give every boyfriend/girlfriend we have the title of hubby or wifey? If we assign this term so freely, what makes it special? What distinguishes the one who could truly potentially be your marriage mate from those other ‘dudes’ or ‘chicks’?

I’m a fan of Kevin Hart but I have a problem with him calling his live in girlfriend his ‘rib’. Kevin recently divorced his ex-wife, Torrie Hart, because he cheated on her. The girl he cheated with…his now live in girlfriend that he refers to as “his rib”.  What the…?! Now of course I do not personally know Kevin Hart, his ex-wife, or “his rib”, but it seems like this girlfriend conveniently came along at the peak of his career.  So how did she earn the title of ‘rib’? Torrie Hart was asked in a recent interview how she felt about the term ‘rib’:

“It’s easy to be someone’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can. Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams. That’s what ribs do!”

I agree with Torrie. You cannot just assign someone a title and expect them to become the title. You have to earn the title of hubby and wifey…husband and wife. Genesis 2: 21 – 24 gives the true definition of a ‘rib’. God removed one of Adam’s ribs and created Eve.  Adam exclaimed, “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” Verse 24 goes on to say this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

After Torrie spoke her mind, Kevin’s ‘rib’ had a lot to say. She took to Instagram to post some pics that seemed to be aimed directly towards Kevin’s ex-wife. She also made comments about how classy she is compared to Torrie. How bold of her!!! Classy knows that a married man is OFF LIMITS! You started a relationship with a then married man and you think you have the right to throw shots at his now ex-wife?! It’s funny how women always think that they are better than the last woman in his life. What happened to her can SURELY happen to you. Remember, how you get them is usually how you lose them. I’m sensing that some of you don’t believe fat meat is greasy so let me give you a real life, it happened to ME, scenario.

I started “dating” this guy a few years ago. I put “dating” in quotations because I really do not know what we were doing. I was dating him but I’m sure he wasn’t dating me. Anyway, I met him because he and an old associate of mine were…well…I’m not sure what they were doing, but I do know she liked him first. Well, eventually he pulled away from her and gravitated to me. I was indeed in-love with this guy. Of course we didn’t stay together. And guess how I ultimately lost him? He met and started dating a girl that was dating one of his friends at the time. He married her. See how greasy that fat meat is? How you get them is usually how you lose them.

To Kevin’s girlfriend and all the self-proclaimed side chicks or temporary position holders, remember the position you chose…yes, you chose that position. Kevin’s girlfriend was a side chick that turned into a girlfriend. That means her side chick position is now open. When he promoted her to girlfriend, he posted a sign in the window that reads, “Now Hiring – Temporary Positions Available.” Stop giving out what should be permanent titles or positions to temporary people. And stop accepting these titles from temporary people.

Check out this little funny that was posted on a pic on Kevin’s Hart’s girlfriend’s Instagram

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As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

It’s easy to be somebody’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can.

Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams.
Read more at http://tattletailzz.com/torrei-hart-speaks-truth-about-ex-husband-kevin-hart-calling-his-current-girl-his-rib/#CcHdmMXsvSWPcS7f.99

It’s easy to be somebody’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can.

Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams.
Read more at http://tattletailzz.com/torrei-hart-speaks-truth-about-ex-husband-kevin-hart-calling-his-current-girl-his-rib/#CcHdmMXsvSWPcS7f.99

Why Does He Stay?!

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

At some point all of us good girls have looked at “bad girls” and wondered why that type of girl always seems to get the guy. You know, the girl that is not so nice of a human being. The one who has a reputation for getting it in, has multiple baby daddies, cares more about partying than taking care of business, and doesn’t even really keep herself up. And the guy that most consider to be a “good guy” is the one that is drawn to her and seems to get attached and falls in love. The freak?! And yes I’m calling myself a good girl. Don’t judge me on my past, just take my word for it TODAY.

I can give you several examples but to keep your attention I’ll just talk about one situation that I am familiar with. I have an associate that I’ve known for about 15 years now. He’s been married for a while now and their relationship has been filled with enough drama to have at least 3 good drama filled seasons of a VH1 or Bravo TV reality show. They break up, she kicks him out, she changes the lock, they get back together. This is their pattern. They also have three kids, of which only one is his. Yes, she conceived all three of these children while they were together and yes he knows that they all have different fathers. Now that alone would send most men packing, but not this guy. And what I thought was going to be the last straw, but it wasn’t, was when she falsely accused him of hitting her and had him arrested in front of their children. But I guess he still has a more straws to suck on before he’s had enough. One week later I saw them together at the mall. He was so embarrassed when he saw me that he held his head down and didn’t even speak. Now don’t get me wrong, I know they are married and marriage is suppose to be for life…that’s the vow they made before God. But I do not believe that God intended for us live our lives unhappy. And I’m pretty sure he has done his share of dirt, but how much is too much? I’ve seen how unhappy he is and his excuse for staying…the kids. He says he doesn’t want to leave his kids and wants them to grow up with a mother AND father.

Kudos to him for wanting his children to have an active father but I think he is doing more damage by staying in this dysfunctional situation than he would do if he left. You can still be a father to your kids without being in a relationship with the mother. I know some men think it’s not possible but it is. So along with wanting the best for your kids, when do you start to think about yourself?

  2.7.12.parentsfighting  Is it in your kids best interest to see you move out every other month and have their mother change the locks? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father being handcuffed and arrested? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father unhappy? This is the most common excuse I hear from men that are in unhappy relationships. They stay because of their kids.

ds_img_direct.php I think that reasoning is just a lame excuse, so let me just be Kitta and say what’s really on my mind. There are a lot of men have that “captain save a hoe” mentality. They see a woman in distress, a woman that has potential, a woman they think they can change and make into a housewife. They see a woman that’s crying out for help and they must save her from that man that has done her wrong or that life that has treated her so unfairly (because of course that’s why she acts the way she does). Well guess what, fat meat is still as greasy as ever and that hoe can’t be turned into a housewife. You don’t stay for the kids, you stay because you fell in love with a not so good girl. Tell the truth and shame the devil! Oh, sorry I got kind of riled up for a minute.

Now I know you men that are reading this are thinking the same thing about us women. We end up falling in love with a no good dude and stay because we just can’t seem to break away from the hold he has on us. Yes that happens too, it’s happened to me. But the difference between men and women is that men don’t usually stick around in a bad situation as long as women do. So when you see a man constantly running back to a woman that continues to do him wrong you must know what it is that she is doing to keep him coming back. So my question is why does he stay? The man who is genuinely a good guy that is attached to a woman that some may not think deserves him. The man who’s in love with a girl that will never give all of herself to him because she just doesn’t want to. The man who stays with the girl that cheats on him, doesn’t have her ish together, doesn’t know how or doesn’t want to love him, and could care less about taking care of home. Why does he stay?

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Not My Baby!

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

We all know at least one parent that thinks their child can do no wrong. Or that their child would never act a certain way or is capable of bad or less that favorable behavior. You know, the type that have kids that appear to be angels in front of the parents but are actually little devils.

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That’s right, DEVILS…imps! It’s enough to make you want to take your belt off and whoop the parent for all the bad things you KNOW their child has done. Oh, so you don’t know anyone like that?! Let me give you an example. Growing up I had an aunt and uncle that, for some reason, didn’t want me to play with their daughter…MY OWN COUSIN! We even lived next door to each other. And the sad part is my cousin and I were very close, like best friends. Can you imagine living next door to your best friend and not being allowed to play with them? I wasn’t welcomed in their house, no sleepovers, and she couldn’t tag along with me and my other cousins when we took little trips into town (I’m from a little country town)…NOT EVEN TO THE GROCERY STORE!

For some reason I was considered a “bad influence”. Even though I was generally a good kid, with the exception of the few times that all kids get in trouble for doing the stupid things that all kids do. I was a good student, always made the honor roll and had the certificates to prove it. Even as we got older, even though I always remained a good student, wasn’t considered “fast”, didn’t do drugs or drink, or didn’t run with the wrong crowd, I still wasn’t good enough to associate with their daughter.

So what makes a parent think that their child is too good? That their child is incapable of certain “unspeakable acts”? I’m not a parent but I’m sure it’s easier and comforting for every parent to believe their child, or children, is a saint…that they would never do anything unethical or immoral. Unfortunately we don’t live in a world of butterscotch and gumdrops, we live in America and your precious baby is probably doing all sorts of McNasty things.

Some parents are overprotective. You know the kind, they shield their kids from the bad seeds in order to block the bad influence. But most of the time their kids ARE the bad influence. For example, growing up I had a friend who had very strict parents. They made every attempt to keep her away from certain influences, rarely allowing her to socialize with other kids, attend school functions, or attend any outings on the weekends. Well, she would sneak out of the house at lest twice a week, had more boyfriends in high school than I’ve had in my lifetime, and ended up pregnant before graduation. She had THE WORST reputation in school! So all of her parents protective efforts FAILED!

I’ve learned to always expect the unexpected. You absolutely cannot put anything past anyone. Every child, no matter how well behaved, is going to step out of bounds at some point. Of course you want to keep your children away from gangs, drugs, sex, and whatever else you think will cause a downfall in their lives. But you can never say what your child won’t do.

Oh, and as far as that situation with my cousin, well let me just say I love her dearly (the disclaimer). She was always into more trouble than I was. I have no kids and no baby daddies and I’m proud to say I’m a college graduate with a good head on my shoulders. I am an avid giver, that has created many community service projects and an entrepreneur in the making. She has 4 kids and I’m not sure how many baby daddies. Now I’m not throwing shade at my cousin because once again I love her dearly. But as I said before, you can never say what your child will and will not do. If her parents had allowed us to spend more time together I could have possibly been a better influence for her. Oh well, hate to say I told you so but…

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

So You Fancy Huh?!

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few months I did a photo shoot for my birthday.  I had no problem choosing a photographer.  It was a no-brainer to go with Miss Fancy herself, Trunetta Atwater of Trunetta Atwater Photography.  On August 20, 2013 I joined her Fancy 150 Movement.  What is the Fancy 150 Movement you ask?  You’re so inquisitive! I love that about y’all!  Well, let me first tell you a little about Tru, as she is affectionately called by those who know her.

Fancy 5 Tru specializes in boudoir photography, but trust me she can do ANYTHING!  From wedding photos to high school senior pictures, she’s sure to make you Fancy and capture every moment of your event in a way that only she can.  She’s a beast with the camera and once you have a photo shoot with her, you won’t let anyone else near you with a camera.  Yes, she’s that good!  She holds a degree in Finance and an MBA…very smart, educated young lady.  Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “How does a Finance major end up doing photography?”  We’ll get to that later, but trust me, it was her destiny.

Tru started doing photography as a hobby and soon discovered that she had a love for the art of capturing life through photos.  It wasn’t long before she was in high demand and after much prayer she decided to answer the call of photography.  Oh yes, it’s her calling.  She took a leap of faith, quit her job, and started doing photography full-time.  God is using Tru to help other women find their beauty, talents, and their inner strength.  Once you have the Trunetta Atwater photography experience, you are a different person.  You walk away feeling prettier inside and out, with your head held a little bit higher.

Now back to this Fancy 150 Movement.  The 150 movement is Tru’s effort to shoot, empower and inspire women.  The number 150 is significant because it is her goal to shoot 150 women.  Through these photo shoots she encourages women to tell their stories about what empowers and inspires them.  Let me tell you, Tru has a gift for making women talk about things that they wouldn’t otherwise bring up in a normal conversation.  Before I arrived for my appointment I had already told myself, “Tru will NOT get me to open up about ANYTHING!  I will take pictures and I will leave! No expressing myself, Tru will NOT get me to talk!”  Ha!  Who was I kidding, Tru broke me down like a, like a…well let’s just say she broke me DOWN! When I left my heart felt lighter, and I realized a lot more about myself…things that I never really thought about before.  Can you believe it?  But I’m not mad at Tru, she was just doing what she does best.  She made me Fancy inside and out.

Tru is also bringing more events to the city of Jackson, TN.  Just recently she teamed up with Stephanie Graham, founder of AHY (A Healthier You) and presented “Fancy’s Fall Ladies Night Out” event.  This event was held at the Carnegie in downtown Jackson and included vendors from other female business owners, a fashion show, wine tasting and live perfomances. This event brought women of all races and backgrounds together under one roof with nothing but positivity, good energy, and inspiration flowing through the room.  If you missed this event, you might want to like her fan page on Facebook, Trunetta Atwater Photographer, to stay in the loop on future events.  Her next event is the “Holiday Faces” FREE PHOTO EVENT, Canned Food and Toy Drive.  This is a free mini holiday photo session for children 10 years and under.  Donate a canned food product to get a $2 credit for each item donated, or a $10 credit for each toy donated, up to $20 credit available.  All food and toys will be donated to a local charity.  Click here to RSVP to this event Holiday Faces Free Photo Event.

I can only tell you about the Fancy experience, I can’t feel it for you.  To have your own Fancy experience, contact Trunetta Atwater and join the movement TODAY!

Check out a few of the pics from my shoot!

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Watch my entire interview with Tru below…

Trunetta Atwater Interview

Until next Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.
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