Turning The Table

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Everyone knows that scripture, Proverbs 18:22, and has referred to it when talking about dating. Many interpret this scripture to mean that if a man seeks and finds a wife then that’s a good thing. But a woman should never be looking for a husband. Many people, women especially, take this meaning literally and believe it is the man’s job to find her. I was talking to an associate of mine and she said, and I quote, “Women didn’t have rights back then so having a wife would be the same as having a slave around the house. It makes the man’s life so much better.” That’s when I gave the infamous side eye and walked away silently. Others have stated that this scripture is largely misunderstood. They say that it doesn’t matter who does the ‘seeking’ as long as they meet and are equally yoked. I agree with that theory, to a certain extent.

I’m a big fan of Steve Harvey, who calls himself the CLO (Chief Love Officer). Mr. Harvey says that men are chasers and the woman should allow themselves to be chased. As much as most women want to be married, it is believed that we should just sit back and relax and our future husbands discover us. And I say most women because, if you’ve been following my blogs, you know that right now I have no desire to be married. Mr. Harvey says, “Ladies, Mr. Right is looking for you way harder than you are looking for him. Just let him know that you are available.” Now my question to Mr. Harvey is, how do we let ‘him’ know that we’re available without approaching him?

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I would never go against or question the word of God. What I do believe is that there nothing wrong with going for what you want. Now I mean that women should throw themselves at a man, but you should let him know you’re available like Mr. Harvey said. But how do we do that? Well, I’m a fan of having a middle man, meaning I’m not going to send my friend over to tell a man I’m interested. I might, however, use my friend, or someone that knows my ‘person of interest’, to get all the details I need before I make my move. But what should my move be? Do I just walk up to him and say, “Hey, I like you.” Or should I go old school and write him a letter, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes □ no □ or maybe □.” Since I hate rejection, like everyone else, I often don’t reveal when I like someone, unless I know he likes me too. That sounds so high school-ish right? Yeah, I know but it’s true. Most people live by the rule “it’s better to try and fail than fail to try.” I don’t live by that rule. And my flirting methods aren’t that effective. Most times guys just think I’m being nice, not flirting, by having a conversation with them. So what do I do and is it okay for me to make the first move. What better way to get the answers to those questions than to ask a few men how they feel about being approached by a woman and having her make the first move.

After listening to what Mr. Harvey has to say about relationships I was expecting completely different responses from my male friends. The question that I asked:

“How do you feel about a woman approaching you making it known that she’s feeling you? Would you rather her not make the first move and does that make her look thirsty if she does?”

“It wouldn’t bother me. I’m shy anyway so it would make it easier for me if she approached me first. Whether she comes off as thirsty or desperate depends on pursuit. If she’s overly aggressive that’s unattractive. She can express her interest in a subtle but clear way. We [men] don’t pick up on hints too well so the woman needs to make her intentions clear.” ~ EB

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It makes it hard if it’s someone I don’t like in return then that makes it hard. But men put themselves out there all the time and get rejected so I guess it’s no different. What I don’t want is for her to ask me out on a date. If I like her then I feel like it’s my job to ask her out and court her in the beginning. I’m old school I guess, but I definitely don’t have a problem with a woman expressing her interest.” ~ TW

“I would be flattered if someone expressed an interest in me. It’s like wow someone actually likes me, lol. It would be a nice change from me be the seeker all the time. Now I do believe in the chase. I don’t want a woman to just put everything on the table for me, leave something to the imagination. But there’s nothing wrong with making your interest known, male or female.” ~ CW

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I guess Mr. Harvey was right, you have to leave space for a guy to be a guy. So ladies the lesson of the day is, if a fellow catches your eye and holds your attention for more than just the initial first look, it’s okay for you to make your interest known. And how do you that without coming off too aggressive or looking thirsty? Well, you just say it. You don’t stalk him, or blow up his inbox on Facebook, or like ALL of his pics on Instagram (including pics from 20 weeks ago because them he will know you’ve been stalking him). Just like one of his pics once a week so he sees your name pop up in your notifications. And once you’ve put yourself out there, let him make the first move. If he’s interested he’ll bite, if not then take your cake to someone who will appreciate the flavor. Okay that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Now I just have to apply this to my own life because I’ve had my eye on someone for a while now. I’ll be back with an update soon. 😉

As Always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

RnB/Soul Artist JL: Painting A New Picture of Music

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

R&B/Soul artist JL (Jawaskia Lake) is not just stepping on the stage and singing songs, he’s bringing back the true sound of  R&B and soul music, providing true entertainment for his fans. I first became acquainted with JL when I heard him sing at a First Friday event about 3 years ago. He describes his music as 90s style R&B and soul. Originally from Bolivar, TN, most of his fan base is located in Jackson, TN. Having opened for major artists like Keith Sweat, Brian McKnight, and Keisha Cole, he is definitely making his way to the front line in the music world.

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At the young age of 8 years old, like most musical artists, JL got his start in church. Coming from a musical family, his mom being a gospel artist and his older brother being a member of a musical group out of Memphis, TN called Perfection, it was only right the he also became involved in music. He soon found himself traveling with his brother’s group playing the drums and eventually filling in for other singers in the group. After about 7 years of singing gospel JL ventured into the world of secular music and started experimenting with R&B, wanting to try something new and different from what his family was doing. His new sound soon garnered him a new fan base and he knew he’d made the right move. That’s when he decided to start buying his own equipment and set up a studio in his home so he could write and produce more music.

He was determined to be heard and noticed for his style of music. When he debuted his song Paint A Picture, he did just that. Even though he had been recording for years, Paint A Picture was his breakout hit and what made people want to hear more of his music. His music was now being heard by more people, but this new-found popularity came with a few bumps in the road. People that he’d worked closely with no longer wanted to be in his shadows and decided to break away. When booking shows, he found that promoters didn’t want to pay him much. Although performing, for JL, is not all about the money, he also didn’t want to be taken advantage of. Which is one of the reasons he started hosting his own events, sponsoring several shows at Miss Ollie’s, a venue located in Jackson, TN. These events are made affordable to his fans and provides local, much-needed entertainment to those of us that enjoy great, live music. He also does a lot of charity events for free.

JL says that through his music, he wants to bring back that 90s style R&B sound. Because his music is relate-able, JL has built a huge fan base. He writes songs that are true to life…touching on things and situations that everyone can relate to. Most of his songs lyrics come from his own life experiences. His  sound is a blend of melodic, soulful music you can slow dance. Now when is the last time you slow danced? In the 90s right? I know, me too. And how many times have you said or heard people say that music just isn’t what it was 10 or 20 years ago? Music doesn’t give you that same ‘good feeling’ it once did because artists today aren’t true R&B singers. Most artists don’t do it for the true passion and love of music, rather for the love of money and fame. If you’re ever fortunate enough to have the JL experience you’ll hear the same feel good, classic R&B music that came from artists such as Joe and Donnell Jones. JL’s music has that soul sound that you aren’t likely to hear from many artists today. In 2011 JL started his own label, SouLink Music. Although he hasn’t signed any artist, other than himself, through SouLink JL is able to be an artist, producer and song writer. He’s already gotten calls to write songs for some major artists, so if singing doesn’t work out he has some eggs in other baskets. In one way or another JL’s name will soon be well-known in the music industry.

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JL’s Laugh Story

“I’m not a drinker or a smoker, but one time I was at a show in Nashville when one of my band members decided we should have some drinks before the show. This was my first time performing at this particular venue and it was a full house. Well I had TOO many drinks. Once I got on stage I forgot every song I was performing that night. I almost fell when I was going on the stage. Eventually I gathered myself and was able to get through the show successfully, but I will never drink before a show again. That was my worst show to date.” ~ JL

JL’s new album will be released August 2015. In the meantime you can go to iTunes and download his EP, The Appetizer, which features the single Paint A Picture.

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Follow JL on Facebook and Instagram

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy through reality, one laugh at a time.

We’re Not Angry or Bitter: Black Women and Interracial Dating

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

You’re out with your friends, enjoying dinner and drinks. You all are laughing and enjoying time catching up with each other. You see a young Black couple walk in and you immediately comment on how beautiful Black love is. About 10 minutes later you see a young interracial couple walk in, Black man with a white woman. They seem to share the same love and adoration for each other as the Black couple that you so nicely commented on just 10 minutes ago. But for some reason you feel different about them. Suddenly that young love is not so cute. What’s the difference between the two couples? They both seem happy and in love with one another, so why do we see interracial love differently from same-race love? And why do we Black women appear to be angry or bitter about our Black men dating white women? Here’s the thing, we’re not angry or bitter. We’re disappointed and maybe feeling a little abandoned. Let me explain.

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Yes, I think some of us do come off as angry, bitter, resentful, or even jealous when we see a white woman on the arm of one of our Black men. And yes I said ‘our’ because I feel like Black belong to us [Black women]. Now before some of you stone me to death for saying Black men belong to Black women, keep reading and hopefully you’ll understand where I’m coming from. For years the media has labeled Black women as neck rolling, eye rolling, mean muggin, loud, ghetto, and angry. These are some of the same reasons some Black men give for NOT dating Black women. Along with: we don’t seem like fun, we look like we can’t be bothered, we’re more inhibited sexually, and we don’t offer enough support. Because we have these stereotypes placed on us and we get put down so much from some Black men and society, when another Black man abandons us for another race it’s kind of like a kick in the crotch! And the way we respond sometimes makes us look angry and bitter. Black men and women are supposed to have each others back so when one of us ventures over to the other side it can sometimes feel like a betrayal.

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One the other side of this topic is the fact that I believe ‘you love who you love.’ I do not think that all Black men that date or are married to a white woman, hate Black women. As much as I love Black men, I’ve had an involvement with a white man before. Doesn’t mean I love Black men any less! My main issue with interracial dating is the Black men that ONLY date white women and put down Black women, contributing to and almost validating all the negative things the media and society have to say about us.

On a somewhat funnier (or not so funny) note, this is one reason a Black man gave me for not dating Black women: “Well since white men use to rape our Black women during slavery times, I have no problem dogging out a white woman. That’s why I date white women. I would never treat a Black woman badly. I love Black women, I think they are beautiful queens.”

Yeah I know, it sounds crazy to me too but that’s his way of justifying it so we’ll just let him have it.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Things You Don’t Need To Know: Mother’s Day Edition

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Do you sometimes ask your mom questions about her past? Maybe about things that happened before you were born? Like, Have you ever smoked weed?, Did you ever sneak out of the house?, We’re you a virgin before you met my father? A lot of us wonder what our mothers were like before we came along. We like to think that our mothers are perfect but, ummm, that’s just not a realistic thought. Just like we’ve done things that we aren’t so proud of and mistakes, some more than others (I’m talking about myself), our mothers made some mistakes too. There are things that they would never want you to find out because maybe they’re embarrassed or they don’t want you to follow in their footsteps. But I think in a lot of cases, if parents were more open about SOME of their past mistakes, they could actually help their children through similar situations or maybe even prevent them from going through the same thing. So in honor of Mother’s Day I found a few mothers that were brave enough to share some of their past experiences with me. Not brave enough to let me share their names, but brave none the less. Check them out:

The Dentist Is My Friend ~ by T.

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“When I was younger I dated this guy whose dad had his own janitorial business, so he had keys to several offices in our town. My boyfriend would get his dad’s keys and we would go to different places and have sex. It really didn’t matter where because we would basically do it anywhere. But there was one place we seemed to visit often, the dentist office. One day when I was taking my son to his dental appointment with his new dentist, I thought I recognized the address but couldn’t figure out if I had been there before. Once we got inside I realized this was the same dentist office me and my ex use to visit to have sex. And my son and I actually sat in the same area that our little ‘adventures’ took place. I would die if he ever knew that his mom had sex in the same office where he gets his teeth cleaned.”

Mommy’s A Liar ~ by J.

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“When I was in high school I would go midnight bowling all the time. Well, at least that’s where my parents thought I was going. I was really out with my friends going to different bars. I thought I was getting away with it, but I later found out that my mom kind of suspected that I wasn’t really bowling. But my dad totally believed I was into bowling. So much so, that I later found out he was going to buy me my own bowling ball and bag. My mom later told me she was so close to letting him buy it for me just so I would have to drag that heavy thing with me every time I claimed to go bowling. I would never want my kids to know that I was lying about my whereabouts every time I left home. And it’s scary to think that they would ever lie about where they are when they start going out with their friends.”

THOT ~ by C.

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“I have dated a lot of men. Over the period of a few years I can count at least 34 men that I have dated. And I’m 34 years old now. Of course I did not have all of these men around my son, but for a while I was ‘out there.’ I wouldn’t want my son to know that I was a THOT…That Hoe Over There.”

I Maced Your Father ~ by S.

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“My relationship with my kids father has always been, for lack of a better word, rocky. We had an on and off again relationship. When he acted like a good human being we were together and happy, when he cheated with other women and even made a baby with someone else we would be broken up. Well one night my girls and I decided to hang out at a local club. Well, we hung out in the parking lot because, like most of the people hanging out in the parking lot, we weren’t old enough get in. What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend was also in the parking lot and he had another girl in his car. Of course I flipped out, although you would think I’d use to this behavior by now. We got into an argument and I ended up spraying him in the face with the mace I had attached to my key ring. We are not together today because I was finally smart enough to walk away. And I do not talk bad about him in front of my children because I never want them to know what kind relationship I had with their father. I don’t want to paint a bad picture of him and I definitely do not want them to think that I was stupid for putting up with his mess, LOL.”

Petty Theft ~ By M.

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“When I was younger I hung out with these two girls that were a really bad influence. We went to a store together one day and after we returned home one of them pulled out a pair of earrings she had stolen. I was shocked that she stole something and amazed that it was that easy to get away with it. We started going to various stores and shoplifting. We would take a shirt or a pair of pants. Well one day, unknown to us, store security was watching us. As we left the store security stopped us and we were escorted back into the store. Long story short we spent the night in jail. We were charged with misdemeanor theft and had to pay fines, given community service, and we were put on probation for one year. That’s why it’s so important for me to know my kid’s friends. I need to know who they are hanging around and where they are going when they leave the house. I don’t want them to have any bad influences that will lead to them making a stupid mistake that could follow them for years. I also don’t want them to be the bad influence on someone else, which is why I do my best to make sure they know right from wrong and the consequences of doing wrong.”

Taking The Back Roads ~ by K.

"Will it take you long to fix it ?.I have to be home in twenty minutes."

“One day after school I went to visit my boyfriend, one my parents didn’t know about. When I left I was rushing home because it was almost time for my mom to be home. On my way home my car stopped on a back road that I didn’t have any business being on because it was coming from my boyfriend’s house. Of course I had to call my mom. When she asked me why I was on that back road I told her that a police car was behind me so I turned onto another because I was nervous that he was going to give me a ticket. Well, my fuel pump had gone out on my car and I went like a month without a car because my mom made me save the money to have my car fixed. Something always goes wrong when you’re doing something that you’re not suppose to be doing. I wouldn’t want my son to know that I had relationships that my parents didn’t know about. I wouldn’t want him hiding anything like that from me. And my car stopping on that back road could have been a worse situation than it was if I didn’t have a way to call for help.”

WOW! You mothers are something else! But we’ve all done some things that we aren’t proud of. It’s called life! I know there are some things I would never want my kids to know but thankfully I’m never having kids so I won’t have to worry about that. But if I did have children, and they can read, ummmmm since mommy is a blogger that puts ALL of business out there for the world to read about…they will be able to read about all of my stupid mistakes. And I think I would be okay with that. If it helps them to know that mommy went through the same thing they may be currently going through, I’m fine with them knowing about the time I played the fool for a guy…several guys. Oh geez! Happy Mother’s Day Laughers!

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

It’s Been A Long Time Coming: G Billa of Jackson’s Hot 96.1

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

In 2010 Gary Bills went to one of the local radio stations in Jackson, TN in an effort to get his music played. Unsuccessful, he never gave up. He returned to that same station every week, determined to get his music played. His determination earned him an internship at the station. Not quite what he was expecting, but at least he now had his foot in the door. After learning how to work the ‘boards’, he eventually landed a position working with radio personality Mr. Richard Donnell Sr. during his Community Feedback show that aired on Sunday mornings on 96 KIX. While grateful for this opportunity, Gary was still very focused on getting music played.

For as long as I can remember, Jackson, TN has only had one R&B station that appealed to the younger generation, and the not so younger generation that enjoyed R&B and the sometimes hip hop music that this station played. We really had no other options, unless we popped in a CD or streamed music from an online outlet such as Pandora or iHeart Radio or had satellite radio. This particular station didn’t really play a lot of up-to-date music, but if you were into ‘old school’ music then this was definitely the station for you. However, in 2014 Jackson was introduced to a new Hip Hop station, Hot 96.1.  This created a lot of buzz and excitement, because Hip Hop fans now had another option for music. Well, at least that’s what we thought, until this station started to sound very similar to the old station that we were all accustomed to hearing. The same music and the same radio personalities came through the speakers. What the freak?! Back to my CDs and Pandora. Then one day I tuned in and a heard a new voice…Gary Bills, a.k.a. G Billa was now rocking the mic! No disrespect to any of the vets of the Jackson airwaves, but it was refreshing to hear new talent, which hopefully meant a whole new sound. So I had to have a one on one conversation with G Billa.

Now G Billa always had dreams of being on the radio, not just behind the scenes pushing the buttons on the tech board. Even as a kid, not fully recognizing this passion, he would record his own live radio broadcasts. After mistakenly taping over his mom’s Patti Labelle tape, she went out and bought him a stack of blank cassette tapes. He would record himself doing live commentaries to all of the San Francisco 49ers football games…his favorite team I’m guessing. After working at the radio station for about 3 years the program director finally gave him the opportunity to fill in for DJs when they were out or if they were at a remote location doing a live broadcast. He was a natural behind the mic. After only one time on the air, he knew that being behind the mic was where he was meant to be.

Recently the people of Jackson were shocked when one of the local radio personalities posted a video on Facebook announcing his departed from radio. Richard Dee of 96 KIX and Hot 96.1 was stepping away after being in radio for many years. His voice was very recognizable and the people of Jackson and surrounding counties had become accustomed to hearing his voice when they turned on their radios. I tip my hat to Richard Dee because he definitely made his mark in radio and left a lasting impression on all that listened to him. His departure now made room for new talent. G Billa finally got the call he’d be waiting on. He’s now the new midday, early afternoon voice of Hot 96.1. When asked about what he’s going to bring that makes him different from the rest, “You never know what to expect from me. I’m all about having fun, bringing the excitement and making people laugh. I have a lot of ideas It’s go time! Expect the unexpected!”

I admire the determination and passion that G Billa has displayed. His journey to radio hasn’t been an easy or fast one. For anyone who’s interested in being in radio or anyone who has dreams G Billa has a few words of advice: “Be persistent and don’t quit. Don’t ever stop chasing your dream. Don’t ever say, I’m done with this. You may feel like giving up but DON’T DO IT! One day it’s going to be your time. People are so impatient when it comes to getting their shot, their time to shine. I’m 35 years old, it’s been a long freakin time coming. Throughout my 20s I’ve just been cooking in restaurants. And don’t get me wrong, I love to cook. I went to culinary school also, but I love the radio. I knew in my heart that’s where I belonged. I never gave up. I continued to work other jobs while still working in radio. And now it’s my time. I finally got my shot.”

You can catch G Billa on Jackson’s Hot 96.1, Monday – Friday from 12pm-6pm.

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Hot 96.1 is a division of Thomas Media, which also includes 96 KIX, STAR 107.7, WYN 106.9, and 102.3 THE ROCKET.

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As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

When Your Broken Heart Becomes Your Fault

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Girl meets boys. Girl and boy fall in love. Things are good for one or two years. Things suddenly start to change. Boy or girl is no longer in love. Boy and girl go their separate ways. Girl or boy is confused and blindsided…didn’t see this coming. Or did they? Let’s go back a few months and take a look at what may have transpired. Remember that one time her phone rang and she took the call in the other room? And how that started happening more regularly, when she normally has no problem taking calls in front of you no matter who it is? Or how you usually see him almost every day of the week and now you see him maybe three or four days out of the week…if he has time? Oh, or what about the first time you suspected he was lying to you about where he was and what he did the night before, but you dismissed it because you didn’t want to believe that he would actually lie to your face! Yep! There are always signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. The signs are sometimes subtle, but sometimes HUGE! They smack us in the face like the smell of your grandma cooking chitterlings in the summer time. We see the changes taking place but we hope that we can do something to bring things back to normal…the way it was when you both were in love with each other. We don’t realize that the longer we ignore the problems the worse those problems become. And sometimes we set ourselves up for a heartbreak. How is that possible you ask? Well, we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will not have a happy ending.

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Take me for example, because y’all know I’ve put myself in some questionable situations. A few years ago I was in ‘like’ with this guy. We weren’t in a relationship or even dating. But we had a strong like for each other. We talked everyday, he came to visit me at work regularly, and I even stayed up all night texting him while he was at work. Yep, I sacrificed sleep just to talk to him! It felt like we were teenagers, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up the phone. I thought that since we were taking the time to really get to know each, without being around each other all the time and not even being close to being intimate, that we were starting off on the right foot. We weren’t being distracted by lust because we weren’t spending time together alone. We were sharing a different type of intimacy. HA! Corny right? I know, I know. But just keep reading because there was a very good reason why we were never alone together or went out on dates or never even seen together in public. He wasn’t 100 percent available…he was engaged to be married…and not to me. And yes I knew this before I got ‘involved’ in this situation with him! But I continued to talk to him every day, staying up all night texting him while he was at work. I believed the things he told me about his current relationship, and then I got my heart broken. I logged on to Facebook one day and I saw wedding pictures…his wedding pictures…I talked to him the day before his wedding and he never mentioned the fact that he was getting married the next day. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe that he was such a coward to not tell me he was about to walk down the aisle. I thought we meant more to each other and he had more respect for me to hurt me like that. LOL, yeah I know that’s funny right? I had to laugh at myself on that thought. But wait! Should he have given me the heads up that he was getting married? I mean, I knew he was engaged and marriage is what usually follows. Truth is he didn’t owe me anything. A warning about his upcoming wedding, an explanation, an apology…NOTHING! My broken heart was now my fault. So often we go through relationships with our love shades on. Just like our Ray Bans, Nine West, and for some of us Prada shades, blocks the sun, our love shades block the lies, excuses and infidelity. They block the lack of interest from our partner. They block the true personalities and characters of our significant other. We wear them inside and outside, making people look at us thinking that we are confused. You know those people who wear their shades inside or even when there is no sun out? Or people who take selfies with their shades on…or the dude that always wears a hat because he just doesn’t look the same without it.They refuse to remove these items because they seem to make everything look better. Some tend to think they can change a person if they stick by them, love them through their mess. Hmph! When a person shows you over and over again who they are, and you still don’t believe them…your broken heart becomes YOUR FAULT! pic3 So how do we stop breaking our own hearts? Simple..stop settling! Recognize that you deserve better and do not settle for less than what you want. You think that what you have now is the best you can do. No ma’am! God wants more for you in EVERY area of your life. Your career, your education, your family, your friends and your relationships. He does want us to settle for less, when He wants to give us the best. But we have to let go so we can grasp what He has waiting for us. We should NEVER let a man or woman have to tell us twice that they don’t want us!

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Suppose Jesus Said No?

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” ~Matthew 26:39

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Have you ever wondered what this world would be like if Jesus said ‘NO’? If He hadn’t went to Calvary? If He hadn’t died for our sins? That’s a terrifying thought and one that has honestly never entered into my mind. How often do we say this prayer: “Your will be done, not mine.”? Do we really mean it? I can honestly say that I’ve prayed that prayer, wanting God’s will to be done but still wanting very much to do want I want to do. What if Jesus was more concerned about Himself and not the will of God? What if He threw them deuces and was like, “Nope! I’m not dying for y’all!”. What if He was just as disobedient as we are when it comes to carrying out God’s will and walking in our purpose?

‘Suppose Jesus Said No’, which started out as a song and transitioned into a play, was written in 1976 by Russell Morrow. Mr. Morrow is the pastor of Forest Heights United Methodist Church of Jackson, TN and the founder and executive director of New Generations Ministries. While at Wilberforce University in Wilberforce, OH, Pastor Morrow wrote the play as his graduate project. The play didn’t make its’ first debut on stage until 1988 in Brookhaven, MS. The upcoming date of April 3, 2015, will make only the 4th time the play has been presented to the public.

Pastor Morrow explains, “The play explores the experiences of Lisa and Imani, two young women who grew up in the church as they struggle with life changing decisions. Life changing decisions that have the potential to lead them down a dark and troubled road, one, because of selfish ambition and the other, because of love. Through drama, laughter, music and personal reflection, we follow them through their personal struggle with self-denial to their joyful experience with the power of gratitude.

Pastor Morrow is hoping to draw in a lot young adults with this play. Pastor Morrow’s objective with this play is to have it speak to people in a compassionate, loving, and truthful way, versus condemning the victim. Many times people go to church and instead of being loved and welcomed they are victimized and mistreated. He feels that the church has a major responsibility of reaching those who are broken. Pastor Morrow’s hope is that through drama, laughter, personal reflection, and music people will ask themselves, “Am I putting Christ first or am I saying no to Him?”, “Do I love things or persons to my detriment when I should be loving God?”. Pastor Morrow hopes to eventually develop a traveling ensemble to perform the play in different cities and states.

Now I don’t know about y’all but I will definitely be seeing this play. I mean don’t you want to see what could possible happen if Jesus said no? I do! And what’s even better is that a portion of the proceeds from this play will be donated to Keep My Hood Good, WRAP – Wo/Men’s Resource and Rape Assistance Program, and Martin Housing Authority Learning Center. How awesome is that! And y’all know I love to give back in any way I can. So you get entertainment and the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping support some of your local community organizations. The play takes place Friday April 3, 2015 at 6:30pm at Liberty Technology Magnet High School in Jackson, TN.

For more info or tickets to the play visit their Facebook Event page ‘Suppose Jesus Said No?‘ or contact Ms. Betty Lyons at (731) 668-5209, Monday – Thursday 9:00am – 1:00pm or you can even contact me for a ticket. Convenient right? 😉 I hear a lot of people say there’s never anything to do in Jackson. Ok, I say that a lot too but I’m happy I have plans this weekend to see this play. Start your Easter weekend right by taking your entire family to see ‘Suppose Jesus Said No’

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Fear Factor

Markitta-1011ad

~ Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011 ~

Fear Factor: The extent to which a person’s fear keeps them from doing something; any feeling of fear that prevents an action.

In January I launched a campaign for Valentine’s Day. With the help of my friends, I was determined to have a date for Valentine’s Day. They had the task of finding the, almost, perfect guy and I had the task of keeping myself up to make it easier for them to find someone who wanted to go out with me. So I made sure I combed my hair everyday, put on something other than workout clothes, and painted on some lip gloss and a smile. To promote my campaign I enlisted the help of my photographer and my cousin, who’s a videographer. That’s right, I had a photo shoot and even filmed a short promo. I was so excited about the possible outcome. I had put myself out there, which is so unlike me. My guarded nature usually prevents me from purposely putting myself in any type of vulnerable situation.

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After about 2 weeks of actually making my campaign public, I began to have regrets…doubts. Suddenly I didn’t want to do it anymore. The excitement went away and I wanted to cancel the whole thing. There were so many ‘what ifs’ running through my mind. What if my friends can’t find anyone who wants to go out with me? What if I don’t like any of the guys they pick for me? What if I’m not pretty enough to attract anyone? Should I just accept the fact that I’m single for a reason? Is this whole Valentine’s date thing just stupid? What if every guy they show my pic to is like, “HECK NO I’m not going out with her!”? Yes, these were real thoughts I had and I was terrified.

In a previous blog I shared my thoughts on why I’m single. I have a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem. Well, these same issues influenced me to tell my friends that my Valentine’s Day campaign was off. Yep, I canceled the whole thing. Despite having put myself out there publicly and having others excited to see how this was going to play out, the fact that so many people told me how great this idea was and they wish they had thought of it or that they planned to do it in the future. I didn’t care at this point, I just wanted out. My friends weren’t too happy about this decision. I had built so much excitement around it and I suddenly cancel it without giving them a reason. I felt like I had wasted everyone’s time…my friends, my cousin, and my photographer.

Let me give you an example of just how deep my insecurities are. A few days ago I posted the pic below on Instagram. My plan was to add several filters to it before I finally left it up for everyone to see. I posted the pic before I could add a filter to it, by mistake of course, and was going to delete it before anyone saw it. But before I could delete it some of my followers had already liked and even left comments. I reluctantly left the pic up.

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I’m not sharing this to get pity compliments or fishing for sympathy. I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only woman who feels like this. There is no amount of compliments that will boost my self-confidence. I have to do that for myself. I can get complimented all day but if I don’t believe that I’m beautiful I will never believe anyone else. My friends and family give me compliments all the time. My thoughts when they say nice things about me, “You’re only saying that because you’re my friend. I know you love me and you’re just trying to make me feel better.” I don’t believe they truly mean it when they say “you look pretty” or “you’re a beautiful girl.” The one thing I’m struggling to achieve is self-confidence. God says that, “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.” I try to remember that scripture every time I look at a pic of myself and see nothing wonderful about it.

My fear factor, rejection, is the reason why I did not get a date for Valentine’s Day. I let my insecurities take over. But my goal for 2015 is to face my fear and go on that date. Now, the plot twist. There is someone who I would love to go out with! So part of facing my fear factor is asking that person out on a date. Yes, I know that I’m the woman and typically the man is supposed to pursue the woman. But if you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t think like the average person and I don’t follow the crowd. And yes, I will keep you updated on how that goes.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Unapologetically Black

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Some people say we’ve got a lot of malice
Some say it’s a lot of nerve
But I say we won’t quit moving until we get what we deserve
We have been bucked and we have been scorned
We have been treated bad, talked about as just bones
But just as it takes two eyes to make a pair, ha
Brother we can’t quit until we get our share
Say it loud: I’m black and I’m proud! ~James Brown

I am a black woman and I love all things Black. I love my brown skin and think that all shades of black are beautiful. I’m a paid member of the NAACP and was very active in the collegiate chapter of the NAACP when I was in college. I was a committee chair and sat on the executive board during my entire undergraduate career. I was a paid member of the Black Student Association also. I’m all for equal rights, equal opportunity, and the uplifting of ‘my people’. I support as many black businesses as I can and make a conscious effort not to participate in the putting down of other black individuals, or any individuals. But can a person be too pro black? To radical when it comes to enlightening society of the injustices done to the black community? Can someone play the race card too much, making EVERY situation an injustice toward black people? Well, I have a friend that we’ll refer to as Joe Black. Mr Black has been elected as the president of the “If It Ain’t Black Then It’s Just Wack” club. His job as president includes informing his subjects, on a daily basis, just how bad the human race treats all black people. I had the opportunity to ask Mr Black a few questions and I got some pretty interesting answers:

Me: You’ve been filling up your followers Instagram timeline with a lot of controversial posts on issues regarding injustices toward black people. People kind of see you as the king of informing the black, and white, community that the black race hasn’t come as far as the world says we have. What feedback have you gotten regarding your Instagram pics and Facebook status’?

Mr. Black: The most I’ve heard is, “Why are you posting this stuff?” or some of my white friends and followers have tried to convince me to ‘forget it’.

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Me: So why all the ‘informative’ posts now? Not that you haven’t always been pro black but you’ve been on it lately.

Mr. Black: You remember hearing the saying, “If you don’t want black people to know something put it in a book”? I started reading more. Plus I started watching more documentaries on our history. Lastly, some of the things I use to wonder about when I was young, come to find out I was right about most of what I thought about.

Me: How do you view the police? Do you respect their authority? Have your views on their roles and responsibilities to the community, as far as providing safety and security, changed any after doing your research? Especially in light of the recent incidences of black men being shot and killed by police officers.

Mr. Black: I don’t care too much for the police. Had one call me a nigger to my face once…at my own home. I do, however, respect a good cop but that doesn’t make them that good if they’re not fighting to change the things they see that are wrong. They keep quiet! They provide safety and security but mostly for whites against people who look like me. I do respect their authority but as you can see they abuse it…A LOT!

Me: How do you view other races? Particularly whites.

Mr. Black: I respect other races and their culture. However, I do wish that my race (African Americans) would build our own. Hell, we have a $1 trillion-dollar spending power. That, along with building up our own communities and businesses, generates much power. Sometimes I wish we had never integrated.

Me: WOW! Life without integration! How do you think things would be today?

Mr. Black: Before integration we were a ‘together people’. In every way, together. We had black cities, banks, businesses, etc. It wasn’t until we integrated that we started dividing. We integrated into a system that wasn’t created for us (black people). So they can and have made the rules to keep us out, down, divided, and dumb! Their laws are not made for us.

I have to admit, I kind of agree with his thoughts on integration. But to look at his Instagram and Facebook posts, one would think that he is extremely radical and against anything that isn’t Black. Fortunately, I know Mr. Black personally so I know this isn’t the case. But can one be too ‘pro black’? To the point where they seem to be racist against all non minorities? This is a quote from one of Mr. Black’s Instagram post:

“Besides what I posted the other day…another Black Man has been murdered! That’s number 111+ dead Black Men! Don’t want to hear ‘Let’s go to church and pray’. #FuckThat #FuckAmeriKKKa”

Do you get tired of your Facebook and Instagram friends filling up your timeline with reminders of how badly black people are treated? How much we went through to make it to today? How much is too much? Is it necessary to remind everyone that racism is still very much alive and the injustices to Blacks occur on a daily basis?

Check out some of Mr. Blacks posts and let me know if you think it’s ‘too much’:

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Thick

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

I absolutely abhor the word ‘thick’ when used to describe someone’s body, mainly the female body. EVERYBODY wants to be thick! I believe the word thick is a glorified term for the word fat. Why are we celebrating obesity by trying to camouflage it as ‘thick’? Women that are overweight will quickly label themselves as ‘thick’ rather than fat. We strive to have the biggest butts and thighs. This is the way most people describe the difference between thick and fat: if a woman has a big butt, big hips, and fat thighs but has a fairly small waist she’s considered to be ‘thick’. But if she has a gut, with the same big butt, hips, and thighs, THEN she’s fat. What the freak?! Flat stomach huge butt and thighs, not fat….big stomach with the same huge butt and thighs, fat. Never mind that the girl with the flat stomach is 5’5 and weighs 250…she’s just thick, not fat. Because of the extra weight she’s carrying in her butt, hips and thighs, there’s extra strain on her knees…but she thick though! Ayyyyeeeee!

I was watching the latest episode of Being Mary Jane and Mary Jane, played by Gabrielle Union, was talking to her niece, played by Raven Good win, about her weight and getting healthy. It’s like she was in my head because she took the words right out of my mouth:

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Mary Jane: This conversation is about your health, about Diabetes, High Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure

Niecy: I am Healthy, I’m just Thick!

Mary Jane:  No no no, Do not get me started on the whole, I’m thick conversation!

Niecy: Oh please get started, please.

Mary Jane: Ok, Why does every overweight black woman in the hood think she’s thick? We don’t eat well, we don’t exercise, and then we justify our diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure by saying I was born this way, God made me 60lbs overweight, and you know what, it’s all fun and games until you lose a foot at 40 from diabetes messing around trying to be an a** model on Instagram, ain’t nobody gonna call ya thick when you got three toes left.

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I’m not a skinny girl, so don’t think I’m picking on the fat girls. Nor do I have the desire to ever be skinny. I’m a person who is very health conscious and I am more concerned with being healthy than having a big butt or big thighs. I am a person that thinks we should be tired of losing friends and family to diseases that we can actually control and manage through diet and exercise. Ladies you can have a nice body without being skinny. I have no desire to be skinny, that’s not why I workout and try to watch what I eat. I workout mainly for my health, having a nice body is the icing on the cake. I have curves and I want to keep my curves, but I don’t want to be overweight. And ladies, can we please stop letting men and the media set the standard for our idea of what’s beautiful.

Why are we so quick to label someone as thick and not call it what it is…FAT?! I think the main reason women love to label themselves thick is because the word fat has become profane. Fat sounds sloppy and nasty while thick sounds curvy and voluptuous. Fat and thick are the same…they both are used to describe obese and overweight individuals. Stop glorifying fatness by calling it thickness…Fat is not thick! It’s FAT…OVERWEIGHT…OBESE! Calling it thick doesn’t change its’ appearance.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.