Open Enrollment Season

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For many of us it’s open enrollment season. Time for us to decide whether we want to keep what we have, drop what we have, need a better plan, or if we need more coverage. You may be getting unwanted notices in your mail, people trying to show you why you should choose their plan over someone else’s. Hell in the past you didn’t need a plan and now all of a sudden, or so it may seem, you think a plan may be best. Before, you couldn’t see the real benefits of having one because you’ve gotten along just fine in life for quite some time. But now, you’re having regrets over bypassing the plan every time it was presented to you. I’m experiencing open enrollment season myself, and no I’m not talking about an insurance plan. The open enrollment season I’m referring to is relationship season. Yep, I’ve finally entered that season and I must say I’m not really sure how I feel about it. The unwanted notices in my mail are the DMs on Instagram and the messages on Facebook of guys trying to entice me with their “plan”.

Do I give in to the need for a better plan, any plan at all? Do I keep the same plan I’ve had for the last 7 years, which was no coverage at all, or do I upgrade to take advantage of a better plan? One that will offer me more security and coverage in the event that something goes awry. Now I know all my independent, ‘I don’t need no man to complete me’ women are yelling, “You don’t need a man to feel secure!” And you’re right, I don’t need a man…I WANT ONE! I’m a big girl that can take care of herself, and has taken care of herself for quite some time now, but it would be nice to have someone to lean on sometimes…someone to share the load with when it gets too heavy or I just get worn out. Sometimes when I come home from work I just need to fall into some D&D. For all of my adults that’s a drink and some d***. I need it to be waiting for me when my foot crosses the threshold. Some of you are probably wondering where this sudden need to toss aside my singleness came from. Well, it may be out of the blue for my readers and my family and friends, but this change has been gradually taking place for a while. For years I’ve boasted about how much I enjoy the single life and not having a desire to get married. I’ve avoided relationships because of my past failure rate and just couldn’t find the energy to put into another relationship that was guaranteed to fail. You may be experiencing this change yourself and wondering if you’ve entered your open enrollment season. Well, let me help you and tell you how I recognized the signs of a shift happening in my life:

  1. I started thinking babies were cute. Not all babies…just the truly cute ones, not the ones who mama and grandmama think they’re cute and no one else. I began to love everything about them…there little noses, the way they smell, their adorable smile. I even started shopping for baby clothes. (your judgment is not welcomed at this time)
  2. I started reposting things on Instagram with #RelationshipGoals. WHAT?! Relationship goals? Who? Where? How Sway? Me, that’s who. I actually started wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship again. It’s been so long I almost forgot how to spell relateshunship.
  3. I created a secret board on Pinterest (did you know you could do that, and you’re the only one that can see it?). It’s filled with wedding stuff…from bridesmaid dresses to sample vows for my future husband.
  4. I started including ‘my future husband’ in conversations about my future plans. “I’ve been trying new recipes trying to improve my cooking skills. You know, so I can cook for my future husband.”
  5. I started sizing up my male friends to see which one of them would make the best candidate for a future husband and father of my kids. They say the best relationships start as friends first. Needless to say they stopped returning my phone calls.
  6. Every time I go into a store, I head straight for the baby section and home goods. I’m taking pictures of baby clothes and sending them to my friends like “Isn’t this cute!” Roaming around in the home section wondering how mine and my future husband’s style will mesh together.             

If you find yourself doing at least 4 out of these 6 things you may have entered your open enrollment season. If you’re like me, you’ve spent too much time running from relationships for fear of being hurt or whatever your hang-up may be. Stop robbing yourselves of having someone in your life that loves you and can hold you down when life tries to uproot you. I know you may have family and friends that love and support you, but we all know there is nothing like that ‘special love’ you receive from that one person that loves you and your dirty draws. If you’re still listing your parents as your emergency contact and you’re over the age of thirty, I think you should take advantage of this open enrollment season. It’s okay to admit that you need extra coverage.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product and event coverage.

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The Highs and Lows of Being in Leadership

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

According to Forbes.com, leadership is defined as: a process of social influence, which maximizes the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal. For me, leadership has many definitions, and comes with many responsibilities. There are many benefits to being in leadership, and sometimes it can really SUCK! From afar, being in a leadership position can look glamorous, some may think it comes with power, prestige, and privilege. Now I’m not here to give you a seminar on how to be a better leader. I’m going to give you a real inside look on what it’s like to be in leadership. I’m going to tell you about the sucky side and some of the things that makes me want to kick a hole in the nearest wall almost everyday.Whether you’re a leader on your job or you’re in organizational leadership, there are highs and lows of holding that position. How do I know anything about leadership? Well, I have 10+ years of organizational leadership and management experience.

I’m a retail manager by day, and blogger by night. I’m proud of my accomplishments in my current job, even though my degree has absolutely nothing to do with my current job. I started out as a sales lead, was promoted to assistant manger and 1 year ago this month was promoted to manager. It’s not my first choice for a job but it pays my bills, offers great benefits, and is helping me fund my future career. I’m grateful for the experiences and lessons I’ve learned…the good and the bad. I’ve also discovered that it takes a strong person to be in a leadership role. The highs can make you feel good about your position while the lows will make you want to run and hide under your desk…forever! Whether it’s in the retail industry, ministry, or organizational, leadership can be very emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.

Let’s talk about those lows first, so we can end on a positive note. 😉

Picture courtesy of LinkedIn.com

(picture courtesy of linkedin.com)

Lows

There is no such thing as working 9 – 5, eight hour days do not exist. I usually arrive to work between 7:30 – 8:00am and don’t make it home until about 6:00pm or 6:30pm everyday. That’s almost 11 hours of work, of which I’m only getting paid for 8. Whenever someone asks what time I get off work and I say 5:00pm, their response is, “Oh so I’ll see you around 7:00pm”, because anyone that knows me knows that I never leave work on time.

Being a leader can often feel like being a babysitter because you are, essentially, responsible for everyone that is under your supervision. I spend 75% of my time reminding my team to essentially do their job. I’m always telling them the same thing over and over again. I have to watch them to make sure they don’t stick their fingers in any sockets or put any foreign objects in their mouths, just like babies. Well, not literally, but you get the picture.

Even when you have a so-called off day, you’re still working. If something goes wrong, or they need help understanding something, the head person in charge is the first person they call. My phone rings almost everyday during a time when I’m not at work, with a question from an employee that is usually not important. Now I do have some that will take the time to figure it out themselves. Then there are those who act as if their heads will explode if they stop and take a minute to think and at least try to figure it out. Nope, call the boss because if no one else knows, the boss has the answer. Who cares if the boss is on vacation, surely he/she doesn’t mind taking a call from work.

Clearly you are the ONLY person that knows how to anything and resolve all issues, because they don’t ask anyone but YOU for help. If you’re the leader, you’re the go-to person for EVERYTHING! From fixing the computer when it freezes to unclogging the toilet, you’re the one person that is expected to know how to do it all…even if you don’t, the expectation is so high you’ll fake it (no pun intended). You are expected to make all the hard decisions.

Leaders are the protector of all things. At the end of the day, you are responsible for everything that does and doesn’t happen. When one of your employees or organization members messes up, a good leader will usually do whatever they can to cover for them. How well they do their job and the knowledge they have about the task at hand is a reflection of your leadership skills. And you often end of taking the blame for whatever mistakes have been made. For example, I had a customer to get upset with me, on my off day, because I didn’t solve her problem as fast as she thought I should. Instead of being upset with my employee that was actually at work, she wanted to submit a complain on me because my employee made a mistake. Never mind that I was helping resolve this issue on my own personal time.

Because you are the HPIC (Head Person In Charge) you are expected to be available at all times. It’s like you are expected to sit on phone and wait for someone to call so you can be of service to them. You sacrifice a lot of your personal time for your career, which may cause you to miss a lot functions and events with your family and friends. You never leave work on time, and unfortunately people get use to you rarely being available because of work.

People like to be rewarded like dogs love getting Scooby snacks. In the past, I’ve held friendly competitions between my employees to motivate them to work harder or achieve a company goal. But lately they actually expect me to reward them for doing what they were hired to do…WORK! One of my employees asked me to buy them cupcakes as a reward for being hard workers. Ummm excuse me?! You want me to reward you for doing what you were expected to always do every time you come to work? No ma’am! That’s crazy! Yes, your hard work will eventually pay off in one way or another. It is a leaders job to keep the morale and everyone’s spirit lifted in the workplace, to motivate and inspire their employees to perform at their best. What they shouldn’t expect is a reward or a pat on the back for simply showing up for work and doing their job.

Now let’s talk about the highs, the benefits of being in leadership. I promised you I’d end on a positive note, so here it is:

Highs

I make more money than everyone and I get to delegate to my team, most of the tasks I don’t want to do. J/K… My 10+ years of leadership experience has taught me many skills that I can use in every area of my life. No matter what career I choose, because this is not my last stop, I can carry all my skills and qualifications with me and apply them to help me do my job better. As stressful as it can be, I enjoy being in leadership. I believe my job puts me in the position to not only motivate my people to do a better job, but it also puts me in a position to uplift and empower them in other areas of their lives. Because all eyes are on me, I can set an example and inspire someone else to do better. Also, being chosen as a leader, and having others allow you to lead them, is an honor. It means that someone, well several people actually, think that you have what it takes to WIN! You have the ability to take that organization or business to the next level. You are seen as an ambitious, determined, trustworthy and dependable person. So to all my leaders out there that are about to run head first into that wall, STOP! Just remember that you’re in that position because people believe in you and your leadership abilities and that should make you feel pretty darn good…until tomorrow at least! 😉

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

So You Think You Can Blog

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

I’ve been blogging for almost a year now.  I’m not an expert blogger and I don’t have a ton of followers, but I do have a faithful few that keep up with me and for that I am grateful and honestly honored that they enjoy my random thoughts enough to read them.  I’ve had a few people to actually ask me about my blog setup and for advice on blogging.  Can you believe it?  People are looking to me for blog help.  If I could I’d blush, but cocoa doesn’t blush so I’ll just grin really hard :-).

When my business partner returned to school to get her graduate degree, she no longer had time to write the blogs.  So in order to keep the Laugh blogs going, I quickly had to learn to navigate WordPress.  I originally wanted to use the blogs to give my business more exposure, but now I’ve fallen in love with the art of expressing myself through writing.  So, with that being said, I always try to follow the following guidelines when writing my blogs.  Now I can hear some of y’all whispering, “What makes her think she can tell anyone how to write a blog?” Again, I am not an expert!  But through trial and error I have discovered what works best for me and makes my blog look more professional.

#1 Be Open and Honest

Depending on the type of blog you’re writing and your reason for writing, determines just how open and honest, and usually opinionated, you will be.  For example, I often refer to my blog as the Laugh Blog.  My business, Can I Laugh Now?, was created for people to be able to find the funny in their most painful and embarrassing experiences. I bring people together and show them that we all make mistakes, have been hurt, and even embarrassed, and YES we will overcome and even Laugh at our mishaps one day.  If I expect people to open up and share their embarrassing stories, I myself have to be transparent and honest.  I’ve transferred this concept over to my blog.  I’ve been labeled crazy and delusional for some of my opinions displayed in my blog.  But crazy and delusional is interesting right?

#2 Proofread

There is nothing more annoying than trying to read something with typos and bad grammar.  I know when typing fast we can sometimes overlook a mistake in spelling and grammar, but that’s what spellcheck is for.  I know when you have a new blog idea you’re anxious to get it typed up and published so the world can read your thoughts.  But take the time to review and proofread before you post.  I’m paranoid of looking STOOpid so I proofread at least 5 times before I publish my blogs.  I still miss things sometime but that’s what the edit option is for.  The more typos you have, especially if said typos show up in every blog, the less traffic you’ll see on your blog.

#3 Less Is More

Keep your blog design simple.  There is no need for smoke machines and bright lights.  You want people to read your blog, not be blinded by all the colors and different fonts that you’ve used.  So start with a simple background, white or even a nice photo of yourself or something that represents the theme or purpose of your blog.  It took me a year of playing around with templates and colors to get my blog the way I wanted it.  So don’t be afraid to try out new templates and colors until you find something you’re satisfied with.

#4 Again, Less Is More

Don’t try to sound smart by using big words.  There’s no need to try prove to everyone you have a college degree by using words you learned in your English, Philosophy, or African-American Studies class.  Just have a regular conversation with your readers.  No one likes a smarty pants. And throw in a photo or two…just to break up the monotony of reading.

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#5 Support For Support

If you want people to support anything you are doing, you have to return that same support.  For example, I want people to read and share my blog with others so I can gain more exposure.  So I try to support other bloggers, especially those I know personally.  The one thing that bothers me most is when you ask someone for advice or tips and they act stingy.  If you have already gotten where I’m trying to go, why not help me get there too?  I understand that some people are afraid that someone will come along and be better than them, but that’s why you have to perfect your craft and be irreplaceable.

I hope these few tips are helpful to you on your blogging journey.  Again, I’m not an expert, but I’ve learned a few things from fellow bloggers and through the trial and error of my own blog.

Happy blogging! And as always…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Notes At 3am

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

My sleep pattern has been off for the last 3 years. When I was in college I was in bed every night by 10pm, in preparation for my 5am job.  When I started grad school I started staying up all night doing homework and writing papers and trying to get at least 4 hours of sleep to be somewhat production for work the next day. Let me tell ya, going from working 15 hours a week while in college to working 40 hours a week and going to grad school can be a tragic life experience.  It can make or break you.  And now my sleep pattern is all screwed up.  So my sleepless nights have turned into 3am blogs.  These are just a few of the things that I notice and think about, feel free to add your thoughts at the end:

1. Recognize The Red Flags   RedFlags                                                                                            

Mistakes and experience have taught me to recognize the signs and red flags early.  Just as I was about to dive in heart first and head second, God said, “NOPE! That’s not what I want for you.”  And I actually listened the first time instead of investing my heart and praying for a sign later.  Early detection is key in everything, i.e,. health, business, and relationships.  Know when to walk away or take action.

2. Stop Contradicting Yourself   pray                                                                                        

We often contradict ourselves when talking to God.  We pray for one thing and go searching for something else.  For example, I’ve been praying that God blesses my business and my endeavors to work for myself, but everyday I wake up the first thing I think about is finding a better paying job and I go straight to my laptop to send out my resume, in search of that perfect 9 – 5 job with benefits; the perfect job that I know I don’t want.  And he has closed a lot of doors to the 9 – 5 jobs I’ve applied for.  I take that as a “I’m not going to stick you in a 9 – 5 because that’s not where I want you.  I’m about to give you what you asked for.”  And I’m cool with that.  Having patience is hard, but I refuse to give up on my dream.

3. I’m So Tired of Being Broke  need

It bothers me when people are constantly worried about money.  Yes, we all need money to provide us with our basic needs to survive.  And I’m not saying I don’t worry about having money to pay my bills.  What I am saying is that money worries do not consume me.  Money is not the source of all happiness and doesn’t solve all problems.  Now I’m not naive, money does make things a little easier.  Yes I have dreams of advancing and generating more income, but no matter how much money I DON’T have, God never let’s me go without.  I eat everyday, I drive my car everyday (with A/C), I lay my head on a pillow in a house everyday…I’d say I’m pretty well taken care of.  So until He decides I can be trusted with more, I’ll continue to be grateful for what I have now.

4. Your Vision Is Your Vision blog

Stop being upset because people aren’t as excited about your dreams and ideas as you are.  When embarking on something new the people most likely to NOT offer a lot of support are your family and friends.  I know you’re thinking that’s a messed up thing to say, but it’s true.  And it doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about you, or that they don’t want you to succeed.  It simple means they can’t see what you see.  Not everyone is going to see the whole picture of what you’re trying to accomplish.  All they can see is the “right now” work that you are doing, and what you’re doing right now may not make a lot of sense to them.  That’s because it’s not their vision, it’s YOURS! God gave it to you.  If He wanted other people to see it in it’s beginning stages he would have given it to others too.  You received this vision because He knows you can carry it out and bring it to life.  Keep pushing and let any negativity that comes your way be your motivation.

5. Everybody Wants to Be Famous twinkletwinkleimastarLOGO                                                  

Like Kevin Hart says, “Everybody wants to be famous but no one wants to put the work in.”  I saw something on Facebook that kind of bothered me.  Someone on my friends list has declared themselves a celebrity by default.  Is that possible?  By default I mean they have a relative who is semi-famous, and I use that term loosely because if I threw out the name you probably wouldn’t know who the heck I was talking about.  So many people see what is portrayed in the media of the life that celebrities live and they too want to live the fabulous life.  But your perception is not always reality.  We only see what they allow us to see.  We don’t see the everyday struggles they go through, which may be way more than we want to deal with.  Don’t be so quick to promote yourself to a higher position than you’re in now.  Being a celebrity is not all it’s cracked up to be, I’m sure.  And declaring yourself a celebrity without putting in any type of work makes you just as bad as the baby mamas living the life on Instagram that are “celebrities by default.”  Some of these ladies would not be known by name if it weren’t for their baby daddy’s celebrity status. Just silly…LOL

6. The Grass Isn’t Always Greener Envy-image.jpg

Stop envying what other people have.  Like my dude pictured here.  Yeah he’s all buff and fit, but he can’t even rest his arms. Can you imagine how tiring and frustrating that has to be!  Most of the time what you think others have is not what they really have and they probably wish they had what you have.  Like the ability to use their arms like a normal person.  We can easily look at others and think they are so happy and that they walk around all day singing “I ain’t got no worries.”  Once again, perception is not always reality.

                                            “People say the grass is greener on the other side.  The water bill is also higher.”                                                  ~Tyler Perry

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

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Kitta is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  A native of Jackson, TN, she is currently marketing herself as a Traveling Media Personality.

At Me!

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*Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011*

There is nothing more annoying, and rather childish, than someone airing their dirty laundry on social media. Well, I guess there is one thing more annoying, someone airing YOUR dirty laundry on social media. How many times have you read someone’s Facebook status or a tweet and wondered who they were talking about or lashing out at? How many times have you had the gut feeling that someone was talking to or about you through Facebook or Twitter?

Before Facebook came along in 2004, if you had an issue with someone or needed to get something off your chest you had to either call or go and talk to that individual face to face; or take the cowardly way out and send an email.  Today there is an even easier way to hide and face someone at the same time…Social Media!  Social media seems to be the equivalent to picking up the phone and calling someone.  It has, for some, become THE best way to air your problems against friends, family, and enemies.  I mean that’s exactly what Mark Zuckerberg had in mind when he started Facebook right? He wanted to create a way for all the whining, immature, “woe is me” people to get attention and be heard. Wrong genius! Connecting, networking, and keeping in touch with friends and family is the main purpose for social media.  I’m going to give you 5 REALLY GOOD REASONS why you should not subtweet or send subliminal messages via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  Pay attention, this just might save your life…or help you “get yo life”, or “have a seat.”

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 #1: No one cares!  Seriously, no one cares that your friend stabbed you in the back; or your ex bf or gf is in a new relationship and they’re posting pics and it’s hurting your feelings; or that you’re heartbroken and you want the culprit to know exactly what they did and how it made you feel.  Newsflash, the culprit already knows what they did.  For example, I don’t need you to post something like a mean Facebook status or tweet, or one of those pics on Instagram that point out the difference between “a woman and a how” for me to realize that I’m a hoe (which I am not, that football team is lying). If I’m a hoe, that’s a life choice that I have made and apparently I am loving it, otherwise I would have changed by now (again the football team can’t be trusted, they’re a bunch of liars, I don’t know any of them, lol).

#2: It’s annoying and it makes you look pathetic.  Everyone sees you as the weak one.  We’re all thinking, “Geez, this girl/dude must have put a root on you!”  When I scroll down my timeline and all I see are pics and tweets with these pitiful, sad life quotes, I quickly want to unfollow you.

#3: The person you are directing your subtweets, FB status, and Instagram pic towards…DOESN’T CARE!  Let me tell you what happens when they see something you’ve posted and they know you’re talking about them.  They screenshot it and send it to all their friends and they LAUGH at you.  And if they’re really bold and heartless, they repost it.  Don’t believe me? Ok, but just know that I myself have done a screenshot and had a GroupMe conversation about a post that was directed towards me…and yes we laughed about how STOOpid and immature this person was to use Instagram to air his issues with me.  Just @ me bruh! And no, I’m not perfect or an expert on this issue, because I have also posted something in hopes that a certain person would see it and know that I was talking about them. And it didn’t work! They didn’t care and I was still upset and hurt.

#4: You give the other person the upper hand.  That person now knows that you are sitting at home worrying about them, missing them.  They can gage the affect they have on you, and they now have the upper hand.

#5: It’s a waste of time.  No pic, subtweet, or status is going to make a person change.  They are who they are and there is nothing you can do about that.

What you CAN do is go on with your life.  Don’t give someone that much power over you that you step outside of your character and start doing things or acting in ways that make you unrecognizable to your family and friends.  So start @’n these people instead of talking slick.  And what I mean by that is if you want to talk to that person, call them.  If they answer, talk.  If they don’t, call their mom and talk her ear off.  She’ll be so annoyed and mad that you called her, she’ll make her son/daughter call you back…I kid, I kid! But seriously, move on.  Time is going to pass anyway, you might as well start the healing process of getting over that relationship or that friendship or that family member that hurt you.  And there is always that special someone that will always answer when you need to talk…no not Grandma…God.  He said He’ll never leave you or forsake you. Call Him!

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

You Already Know

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Can I Laugh Now? *Turning Pain And Embarrassment Into Laughter Since 2011*

You’ve been together for almost 3 years now.  You’ve met all of his family and friends, you’ve changed your relationship status on Facebook, and there are pictures of the two of you together all over Instagram…his mama even likes you.  So when is he going to make it official and declare his undying, unwavering love for you by putting a ring on it?  You’ve discussed it, he knows you’re praying for it, but he’s not ready.

You know she’s the one.  All the other girls you’ve dated have nothing on her. She’s smart, beautiful, successful; she loves God and is great with children.  She makes you feel like no one else has ever made you feel.  You know without a doubt that she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life.  But she’s is so success driven that marriage is not on her mind right now.  She wants to achieve all she can and go as high as she can in her career before she gets married and has a family.

waiting-time

Waiting on Mr or Mrs right but they seem to have gotten lost?  Most people are dating for a purpose.  That purpose is usually marriage…unless you’re like me.  I’m sure what my purpose for dating is, but it sure as heck isn’t marriage.  So if you’re dating to one day reach marriage, how long is too long to wait on someone to finally be ready for marriage? Should there be a limit on how long you wait for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get themselves together? I say no. Now let me explain that no.  Everyone has their own limit or breaking point and it usually varies depending on the situation.  So technically you can’t put an official time limit on how long you are suppose to wait on someone, but we do it anyway.

So how long do you wait on someone? Well, let’s look at your relationship.  Your wait time is going to depend on YOUR relationship.  Now I need you to be honest when answering these questions, don’t lie to save face.  The first and most important question is does this person love and have a relationship with God? If the answer is no, then they definitely do not love you and you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.  There is no need for you to continue reading this blog…GET OUT NOW! If the answer is yes, keep reading.

Question 2: How long have you been in a relationship with this person? It is my belief that you should date at least 2 years before expecting the commitment of marriage. If it has been less than 1 year, stop rushing it. If it’s been 2 to 3 years, have a discussion about it, but don’t push the issue. If you have to constantly push the issue of marriage on someone, you probably shouldn’t wait on them. Something that has to be forced isn’t genuine.

Question 3: Does communicating with them seem like a burden…on them? Every time you try to talk to them their body seems to get heavy.  They start to slump over in exhaustion and their facial expression suddenly goes from sugar to salt.  Communication is key in a healthy relationship. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend without them fighting it, you will never get anywhere in that relationship.  It will always be one-sided because only one of you will be happy, and it won’t be you.

Question 4: Would you let this person have your ATM card and pin number…all day?  You have to have a significant amount of trust to let someone have your ATM card and pin number.  At least I would because I need ALL of my money, I ain’t got time for nobody to be dipping in.  If you can’t trust someone why would try to wait it out? Now at some point just about everyone in your life will do something to make you question whether you can trust them or not.  But, if this person has caused you to lose trust in them and they are not working to regain that trust, why are you waiting for them to get it together?  If you can’t trust someone you probably have very little respect for them.  Respect and trust…without there is no need to wait.

Question 5: Really?! You need more evidence as to whether you should wait around on someone??? Come on people! Truthfully only you can answer this question.  The examples I gave above are good reasons not to stick around, but only you know the details of your relationship and before reading this blog you already knew the answer to the question.  You know that gut feeling you have right now? Yep, you already know.

Right people energize you, wrong people exhaust you.  Are you energized or exhausted?  If you’re exhausted, you’ve been waiting too long.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Risk Taker?

The biggest risk (this new year) is not taking one.

Will she make it?

Ahhh, It’s that time once again. A new year.

“New Year! New Possibilities!” Blah, Blah, Blah. So cliché. Me, I’d rather look back on 2011 and reflect on the possibilities and opportunities I didn’t take. For some reason I opted out on several worthwhile opportunities. So this year I am going back (a big “no-no” I know) to reclaim them.

I’ll just be honest; I’m not a risk taker. Reason:  I fear failure. So to avoid the risk of failure I play it safe. I play it safe in all areas of my life:  career, relationships, spiritual life, fashion, you name it – I play it safe. Well no more.

The only resolution I made for 2012 was to leave all excuses behind, fear of failure being the dominant one. With excuses behind me, I am now embarking on the risks that I have always wanted to take.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain:  “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” Which is a more sophisticated way of saying that the only way to conquer your fears are to face them.

So here it is:

My Top 10 List of Fears/Risks I’m Conquering in the New Year:

10. Cut up my Macy’s card. Ok, I’ve actually already cut it up, but I still use it. Don’t judge me. So I’m going a step further and canceling my account.

9. Learn to cook. That’s right; I can’t cook. Wanna fight about it?

8. Cut my hair. Yeah, that’s not happening. I’ll dye it instead. Anyone know how to give me the Stacey Dash “Single Ladies” look?

7. Learn to shoot a firearm. You never know when the zombie apocalypse might hit.

6. Become a regular volunteer/employee at a local homeless shelter. I’ve known for a while now that my passion is serving the homeless; however, I have yet to do anything about it.

5. Walk the beach in a bikini WITHOUT a cover-up. *She wore an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie yellow polka-dot bikini…

4. Follow my own (yes, I know that was redundant) career aspirations, not those of my family, friends, or peers. This includes finishing my play and publishing a certain Dr. Seuss spoof (Chantavia, that was for you. Lol).

3. No sex for a year. Yeah, I said it. I’ve held out that long before; I can hold out again. As my pastor said New Year’s Eve, “We are too beautiful to settle for someone who is not our husband.” I needed to be reminded of that.

2. Love like I’ve never been hurt. This means leaving all my baggage, hang-ups, etc. at the door. Easier said than done but not impossible.

1. Give God my all. Yeah I give, serve, and do a lot but I know that I could do more. And I know that He has called me to do so much more. So, time to step it up and “live a life worthy of the calling I have received” (Ephesians 4: 1).

Whew! That’s my Top 10. What’s yours?

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

*Do you like the blog? I know you do! So Subscribe by clicking the “Follow” tab. 🙂

Is “1” Really the Loneliest Number?

For all of you who find yourselves “single” this holiday season…cheer up! You’re in good company.

Bridget Jones' Diary

It’s that time of year again! That time of year where the temperature drops and your body temperature rises! Lol. It’s that time of year where you want to snuggle up next to that special someone (for some of you that special anyone). It’s also that time of year when the media bombards us with romantic comedies – New Year’s Eve – and back to back commercials of lovers expressing their affections for one another with expensive jewelry.

So I began to wonder:  Is being single really all that bad?

I mean, think about it. Most of us don’t have a problem being single until the holidays come around anyway.

First thing first:  We must end the negative connotation attached to the word “single.” Stop fleeing every time you see a “Singles” event. These are really fun ways to get out and meet people. They beat going to the club looking for a mate. (By the way, when’s the last time that has worked out for you?) So, the next time you see Speed Dating or Singles’ Bible Study, don’t frown up your nose. It’s all about your perspective. Speed Dating is a fun way to meet people and network, and who knows you might actually luck up and meet someone you’re interested in dating. And as far as Single Bible Study goes, it is not “just for ugly people” as my dad says. Pray for him. Lol. My bible study group focuses on bettering our relationships with Christ and bettering ourselves so that when that special someone comes along we won’t run him/her off with our issues. And we all have issues. (If you don’t think you have issues, ask your friends or your ex’s; they will gladly tell you!)

So here we go:  The Top 10 Reasons why being Single ain’t half bad!

10. Saves you money! Think about all the money you are going to save by not having to purchase gifts for a mate or for his/her parents.

9. You can come and go as you please. Most singles have a real problem adjusting to this once in a committed relationship. It’s hard to give up that freedom to do what you want, when you want, and with whom you want without any concern to how it will affect someone else. And it feels GOOD!

8. You avoid the emotional roller coaster! Meaning the ups and downs of a relationship including the times when you can’t eat, sleep, focus, etc. because your emotions are tied in a knot.

7. Adding on to #8, you avoid the risk of heartbreak. Period. Really needs no explanation. Though, I will say those who risk big, gain big.

6. Gives you time to get rid of your baggage. While single, take the time to do personal inventory. Reflect on past relationships and where you were at fault. And fix it! No need in taking baggage into the next relationship.

5. You can focus on your goals and dreams. A lot of times when we become romantically involved, we lose sight of our own desires as we sometimes take on the desires of our mates. It happens.

4. Sow your royal oats! Lol! Just playing (though this is what some of you do). Take advantage of being single and date! And by date I do not mean sleep around. But have fun. Meet people, different people and discover what you like and what you don’t like. Because once you settle down, no more of that woulda, coulda, shoulda. Trust me, a person gets tired of hearing that.

3. Adding on to #4, you’re just not ready. Do not enter a relationship if you know you are not ready. You do yourself and the other person a major disservice, and it’s only a matter of time before you or both of you are unhappy. If you’re not ready, you’re just not ready. No one can fault you for that if you are honest about it from the start.

2. You spend time getting to know (and love) you! It’s a chance to become comfortable in your singleness. I fear people who have always jumped from relationship to relationship. How do they know that they can function on their own?

1. You spend more time cultivating your relationship with God. The Bible actually views singleness as a more favorable status than marriage (1 Corinthians 7: 32-35). A single person, unconcerned about a spouse, can devote more time, energy, and attention to Christ.

See, being single really isn’t all that bad! Now get up off that couch and go enjoy it! Cause I promise you, there are couples out there wishing they were in your shoes! IJS!

Here’s a little homework:  If you have never gone anywhere by yourself (movie, lunch, dinner, event, party, sporting event, etc.) then I want you to conquer your fear, break out of your comfort zone, and take yourself out. Report back to me when accomplished. 🙂

*And for those of you who despite the advantages to being single still desire to be in a relationship, don’t lose hope! Love, joy, happiness, and peace all await you, but you’re not going to find it moping around the house. Get out there and claim it!

Until next time,

-Belle

*Here are a few Can I Laugh Now? videos to keep you busy until the new year:

“I’ve Got a Crush on You” Find out what happened when Kitta and I revealed our secret crushes!  http://youtu.be/vx00xp4Boeg

“Thanksgiving Special” See what silly things our viewers are thankful for this year.  http://youtu.be/3bmn8BoGaIc

“December Testimony Special” From drug dealer to youth pastor. See what amazing transformations only God can make! http://youtu.be/DoWfmaN5mYg