What If?

 cropped-logo3.jpg  

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

what if

As another birthday approaches, and now that I’m in my thirties, each passing year brings thoughts of all the things I still haven’t experienced and the places I have yet to visit. But everyone else tends to focus on the fact that another year has passed and I’m not getting any younger and I still don’t have any kids. Never mind the ‘first comes love, then comes marriage’ part. Just BABIES! Now I’ve never been the girl who dreamed of getting married to my prince charming and having his puppet head babies. And I’m still not sure that I want that life, I really enjoy my freedom and not having to consider anyone else when making decisions. I was telling a friend about a few of my upcoming road trips and someone overheard me talking and asked if I had any kids. When I said no she said, “That’s why you can do all of that traveling. You’re carefree.” Yes, I am rather carefree, besides having a full-time job that slows me down sometimes. But will my carefree lifestyle eventually leave me with regrets?

Most of my close friends have families already, and those that don’t have plans to one day have a family. What if I am the only that ends of single with no kids in a few years? Will I be left behind. Does not having kids or the desire to have kids make me somewhat immature? Maybe I’ll just be the god-mother to all of their kids. Will that be enough? Or will I be envious and long for my own family? What if I changed my mind? Can I do that? Can I put my selfish ways aside and make the decision to have a husband and some little Kittas? Is it too late? Have all my years of constant anti marriage and kids talk caused me to miss out on my chance?

What if I’ve already curved the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with? I’ve purposely sabotaged a lot of relationships due to my abandonment issues. I typically leave before I’m left. Or I automatically ‘friend zone’ guys as soon as I meet them. Will God send me another one? Does He have a backup for those of us that mess up His first choice for us? What if there really isn’t someone for everybody? Am I not being proactive enough in my dating life? Wait…my non-existent dating life. What if I never overcome my self-esteem issues? What if [he] can’t overlook my insecurities and love me anyway?

What if [he] turns out to be like my father? What if my child goes through what I went through? What if my child never knows what it feels like to have the love of a father, the feeling of protection? How will I give my child enough love, like my mother gave me, to make up for the pain and hurt of not having fatherly love? Will my daughter’s first heartbreak be at the hands of her father? What if my daddy issues is the reason I fear falling love and having kids?

Fear! A realization…an admission of fear. What if?

As always Laughers,

~Keep Laughing!

13879413_10102177039422730_8570581461136462617_n

Kitta is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Follow Me

Like Me

Friends With Real Benefits

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” ~Genesis 3:16

b35e1dff185ff18b86716c192452dd16

Who would want to have children after reading that scripture, knowing that you’re going to be in excruciating, oh Lord hold my mule while I shout, pain? HUH?! Who? Where? How? Not I said the cat. And what the freak is this 20 bones simultaneously getting fractured at a time? The h***?! I don’t even like going to the dentist for fear that he’s going to stick his big hand in my mouth and snatch out a tooth. And desiring my husband…chile please, that’s another blog for another day.

Now that I’ve released that, here’s what’s going to make me sound bipolar…I would really like to give my mother a grandchild. I’m her only child, thus her only chance of being a grandmother. Now my mother isn’t pressuring me to ‘put some beans in the oven’ but I know she would be an awesome grandmother and my child would have so much love that he/she might be in danger of overdosing on cuddles and ish! Unfortunately, I’m not sure that will ever happen. I’m already in my 30s and I’m not even in a relationship…I’m not even in like with anyone. So while on a mini getaway with 2 of my friends, I came up with a brilliant idea…or something like that.

untitled

I have a male friend that I’ve known for about 10 years now. Really great guy and great friend that I know will one day make an awesome father. He’s at a point in his life where he’s ready for a wife and 2.5 kids with the big yard and picket fence. I’m at the point in my life where I want to give my mom a grandchild…not that I want to be a mother but, like I already said, I am my mother’s only chance at having a grandchild so I have to make some life decisions. So here’s the deal I put on the table: he’s a successful good looking man who’s on his way to being even more successful in the future. I’m not an ugly person, and neither is he, so we’d definitely make a cute baby. So I proposed that he give me some of his little swimmers so I could be artificially inseminated. I told him he could have the baby whenever he wanted, even have full custodial rights over any decision that has to be made regarding the child, as long as my mom is able to see the baby whenever she wants. He can even name the baby. What do I gain from this transaction? Well, I provide my mother with a grandchild, my friend gets his first child before he turns 40, and I get the security and confidence of knowing that my child has a good father…the father that I didn’t have. Sounds great right! I thought so too…he didn’t! He wants to be able to tell his child he/she was made out of love. My counter argument was that the child would definitely be made out of love. I don’t just consider him an associate, he’s on my real friend list…like I’d give him a kidney if he needed one so of course I love him. Unfortunately, that’s not the kind of love he’s referring to. He wants his WIFE to birth his children, not his baby mama…or in my case, his friend. And since I’m not his blessing, beyond friendship, I think he’s declining my offer. And in an interesting twist, he doesn’t want to have to tell his child that “I’ve never seen your mama naked.” Why that would be a topic of discussion between father and son/daughter is beyond me, but if you knew my friend it wouldn’t come as a surprise.

But how awesome would it be to have an arrangement such as the one I proposed above. If it could actually work. I mean I’m not getting any younger and the process of finding someone to date, falling in love, getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married, and THEN having a baby can be very lengthy. I’m already in my thirties, once I hit forty it’s a wrap. I ain’t birthing no babies. So why not draft one of those friendship contracts like Nene and Cynthia and seal the deal with a friend to have a baby.

Now for all of you biblical people out there, I’m sure you’re saying ‘this is not of God’, in your most stern and judgmental church voice. But I don’t remember reading anything in the bible that speaks against this type of arrangement. We wouldn’t be fornicating, it’s artificial insemination. Yes, I’ve read Deuteronomy 23:2, but my interpretation of this scripture is that it is referring to a child being produced from sex with someone who is not your spouse. Thou shall not artificially inseminate is not the 11th commandment, so don’t come for me. The trick is finding someone that would be willing to sign that contract. But what better benefit of friendship than producing a baby together. I want that benefit…give me the pen and sign me up.

The risks of a deal such as this: loss of or changes to the dynamics of that friendship, developing an attachment beyond friendship, not agreeing when it comes to raising your child, jealousy if that person enters into a romantic relationship with someone. But aren’t those the same risks you take when you have unprotected sex with someone? Because if you’re having unprotected sex then you’re saying you want to get pregnant right? I mean the production of a baby shouldn’t come as a surprise.

All I know is that I’m working on the first draft of my ‘Friends With Real Benefits’ contract and I’ll present it to him again in about 2 years when he’s closer to forty and not in a committed relationship.

As always Laughers,

~Keep Laughing

13879413_10102177039422730_8570581461136462617_n

Kitta is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Follow Me

Like Me

Getting Over Your Gym-Timidation: An Interview With Fitness Trainer Danya Love

Ambitious Girl Blogger Network

Fitness has become the new black. Everyone wants to be in shape, but some don’t know where to start. My friends make comments all the time about working out and getting in shape. They say, “girl I can’t get up that early” or “what you do is too hard, I can’t do pushups and burpees” or my favorite, “I’m going to start working out Monday.” Many people are intimidated by the gym and gym equipment because they don’t know how to use the machines or they think they are too weak or too overweight to be able to do most of the exercises when working with a trainer. You may know people that frequent the gym and they make it look effortless.

My mom doesn’t like going to the gym because her perception of the gym, much like a lot of other people, is a bunch of muscle men pumping…

View original post 895 more words

The Harmful Effects of Being Overweight

Ambitious Girl Blogger Network

 

I came across a video posted on Facebook the other day titled, “I’m Fat But…”. Individuals were making statements like, “I’m fat, but I eat healthy”, “I’m fat, but I’m not a glutton”, “I’m fat but I actually like going to the gym”, “…but I’m a runner”, “…but I’m not lazy”. Now my first question is why do the individuals in this video feel the need to justify being fat or making sure people don’t stereotype them as being lazy or loving food a little too much? Second, just because you may not currently have any visible health problems, why would you wait until you start to have problems before you decide to do something about your weight? Or maybe you don’t think your weight will ever pose a problem. Now before I go any further, let me make it clear that I do not support body shaming but…

View original post 804 more words

The Highs and Lows of Being in Leadership

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

According to Forbes.com, leadership is defined as: a process of social influence, which maximizes the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal. For me, leadership has many definitions, and comes with many responsibilities. There are many benefits to being in leadership, and sometimes it can really SUCK! From afar, being in a leadership position can look glamorous, some may think it comes with power, prestige, and privilege. Now I’m not here to give you a seminar on how to be a better leader. I’m going to give you a real inside look on what it’s like to be in leadership. I’m going to tell you about the sucky side and some of the things that makes me want to kick a hole in the nearest wall almost everyday.Whether you’re a leader on your job or you’re in organizational leadership, there are highs and lows of holding that position. How do I know anything about leadership? Well, I have 10+ years of organizational leadership and management experience.

I’m a retail manager by day, and blogger by night. I’m proud of my accomplishments in my current job, even though my degree has absolutely nothing to do with my current job. I started out as a sales lead, was promoted to assistant manger and 1 year ago this month was promoted to manager. It’s not my first choice for a job but it pays my bills, offers great benefits, and is helping me fund my future career. I’m grateful for the experiences and lessons I’ve learned…the good and the bad. I’ve also discovered that it takes a strong person to be in a leadership role. The highs can make you feel good about your position while the lows will make you want to run and hide under your desk…forever! Whether it’s in the retail industry, ministry, or organizational, leadership can be very emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.

Let’s talk about those lows first, so we can end on a positive note. 😉

Picture courtesy of LinkedIn.com

(picture courtesy of linkedin.com)

Lows

There is no such thing as working 9 – 5, eight hour days do not exist. I usually arrive to work between 7:30 – 8:00am and don’t make it home until about 6:00pm or 6:30pm everyday. That’s almost 11 hours of work, of which I’m only getting paid for 8. Whenever someone asks what time I get off work and I say 5:00pm, their response is, “Oh so I’ll see you around 7:00pm”, because anyone that knows me knows that I never leave work on time.

Being a leader can often feel like being a babysitter because you are, essentially, responsible for everyone that is under your supervision. I spend 75% of my time reminding my team to essentially do their job. I’m always telling them the same thing over and over again. I have to watch them to make sure they don’t stick their fingers in any sockets or put any foreign objects in their mouths, just like babies. Well, not literally, but you get the picture.

Even when you have a so-called off day, you’re still working. If something goes wrong, or they need help understanding something, the head person in charge is the first person they call. My phone rings almost everyday during a time when I’m not at work, with a question from an employee that is usually not important. Now I do have some that will take the time to figure it out themselves. Then there are those who act as if their heads will explode if they stop and take a minute to think and at least try to figure it out. Nope, call the boss because if no one else knows, the boss has the answer. Who cares if the boss is on vacation, surely he/she doesn’t mind taking a call from work.

Clearly you are the ONLY person that knows how to anything and resolve all issues, because they don’t ask anyone but YOU for help. If you’re the leader, you’re the go-to person for EVERYTHING! From fixing the computer when it freezes to unclogging the toilet, you’re the one person that is expected to know how to do it all…even if you don’t, the expectation is so high you’ll fake it (no pun intended). You are expected to make all the hard decisions.

Leaders are the protector of all things. At the end of the day, you are responsible for everything that does and doesn’t happen. When one of your employees or organization members messes up, a good leader will usually do whatever they can to cover for them. How well they do their job and the knowledge they have about the task at hand is a reflection of your leadership skills. And you often end of taking the blame for whatever mistakes have been made. For example, I had a customer to get upset with me, on my off day, because I didn’t solve her problem as fast as she thought I should. Instead of being upset with my employee that was actually at work, she wanted to submit a complain on me because my employee made a mistake. Never mind that I was helping resolve this issue on my own personal time.

Because you are the HPIC (Head Person In Charge) you are expected to be available at all times. It’s like you are expected to sit on phone and wait for someone to call so you can be of service to them. You sacrifice a lot of your personal time for your career, which may cause you to miss a lot functions and events with your family and friends. You never leave work on time, and unfortunately people get use to you rarely being available because of work.

People like to be rewarded like dogs love getting Scooby snacks. In the past, I’ve held friendly competitions between my employees to motivate them to work harder or achieve a company goal. But lately they actually expect me to reward them for doing what they were hired to do…WORK! One of my employees asked me to buy them cupcakes as a reward for being hard workers. Ummm excuse me?! You want me to reward you for doing what you were expected to always do every time you come to work? No ma’am! That’s crazy! Yes, your hard work will eventually pay off in one way or another. It is a leaders job to keep the morale and everyone’s spirit lifted in the workplace, to motivate and inspire their employees to perform at their best. What they shouldn’t expect is a reward or a pat on the back for simply showing up for work and doing their job.

Now let’s talk about the highs, the benefits of being in leadership. I promised you I’d end on a positive note, so here it is:

Highs

I make more money than everyone and I get to delegate to my team, most of the tasks I don’t want to do. J/K… My 10+ years of leadership experience has taught me many skills that I can use in every area of my life. No matter what career I choose, because this is not my last stop, I can carry all my skills and qualifications with me and apply them to help me do my job better. As stressful as it can be, I enjoy being in leadership. I believe my job puts me in the position to not only motivate my people to do a better job, but it also puts me in a position to uplift and empower them in other areas of their lives. Because all eyes are on me, I can set an example and inspire someone else to do better. Also, being chosen as a leader, and having others allow you to lead them, is an honor. It means that someone, well several people actually, think that you have what it takes to WIN! You have the ability to take that organization or business to the next level. You are seen as an ambitious, determined, trustworthy and dependable person. So to all my leaders out there that are about to run head first into that wall, STOP! Just remember that you’re in that position because people believe in you and your leadership abilities and that should make you feel pretty darn good…until tomorrow at least! 😉

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

10 Things Most Runners May Never Tell You About Running

Ambitious Girl Blogger Network

I’ve always admired runners, those that are committed to making running a way of life. About a year ago I started working out with a trainer and part of that training includes running. I was so excited because I thought I would finally be able to call myself a runner. I usual run 6 days a week, unless I’m having a lazy moment and I decide to sleep in. Did I mention I workout at 4am? Yeah, it’s hard to get out of bed that early to go run, especially in the Winter. Since I started this new fitness journey, I’ve learned that running isn’t an easy feat. You can’t just take off running and think the more you do it the better you’ll get. No, one has to learn how to run properly. I’ve also discovered some things that you may not learn until you start running regularly. I’ve…

View original post 1,242 more words

5 Reasons You Should Never Diet Again

Ambitious Girl Blogger Network

It’s Saturday morning and you have a wedding to attend in about 5 hours. Time to do what you’ve been putting off all week…finding something to wear. You spend the next hour trying on everything in your closet and nothing is working. It either highlights too much of the body parts that you aren’t happy with or it doesn’t fit at all. So you finally decide to go with old faithful–the flowy black dress that can be either casual or dressy, with the right heels of course. After getting dressed and taking one last look in the mirror you know exactly what you must do–it’s time to go on a diet.


Diets…you’re either on one, just finished one, or are thinking about starting one. I’ve personally been on just about every diet you can think of. I’ve tried the cabbage diet, Slim Fast, the liquid diet, vegetarian diet, and even…

View original post 902 more words

From The Streets To The Pulpit: Pastor Broderick Connesero

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

I first met Pastor Broderick Connesero in 2007 at the University of Memphis. I was a student who was missing home and feeling a little out-of-place. I didn’t know anyone. I went to class, work, and straight to my room, occasionally making a stop at the library. If my sissy (best friend) wasn’t in town for a weekend visit, I didn’t have a social life. I was desperately searching for something to connect to make this college journey a little easier. That’s when a classmate told me about an on-campus weekly bible study and I decided to check it. On my first visit there weren’t that many people in attendance, and when I saw the pastor leading the group I was a little taken aback. He didn’t fit the bill for a pastor, at least not any I’d seen. He was in street clothes and fit the description of what some would consider a thug. Despite my hesitation, I stayed and found myself attending this bible study every week, and eventually joining the church of which Pastor Connesero was youth pastor. He became one of my mentors and the big brother I never had.

mail.google.com

As a drug dealer, Broderick lived a very prosperous, and what he believed was a good life. While running drugs from California to Memphis, he was able to maintain living quarters in two different states and generated a large amount of money. Life was good, until the city of Memphis experienced a drought–a drug drought that is. A sudden turn of events also left Broderick faced with a big question from God, “What are you going to do with your life?”

Born in Bellflower, California and raised in Compton, Broderick had dreams of being in the entertainment business. Growing tired of the liars in Los Angeles and Hollywood, he made his way to Memphis, TN and enrolled at the University of Memphis. His attempt to be a college student left him financially frustrated and depressed. He soon sought relief in what he was familiar with, selling dope.
Selling drugs between the U of M and an apartment complex located in Whitehaven, Broderick began to experience the life he was accustomed to. Always having money at his disposal, Broderick lived what most would consider a good life. Fortunately for him, and others around him, this good life was short-lived. During the drug drought, mentioned above, he was unable to get drugs in or out of Memphis. Everyone he sent to make drops or pick ups got arrested…Broderick saw 7 of his associates go to jail because of him. Broderick began living off of money he’d already made and stashed away. But he soon saw a break in the drought and was able to finally get a package through. This break came during the holiday season, so his workers were excited about the opportunity to make some money for Christmas.
While in the apartment he worked out of, after the drugs has been broken down and all the work was finished, him and one of his associates sat and had conversation. This associate casually asked to see his gun. Feeling comfortable with this person and not giving it a second thought, Broderick handed his gun over to this man…the man then turned the gun on Broderick. He stripped him of all his clothes, hog tied him, and placed him in the bathtub. When he pulled the trigger the first time, the gun jammed. He pulled the trigger a second time and was again unsuccessful and fled the apartment. For the next 2 months, Broderick was on a mission of revenge. He spent that time looking for the man who tried to kill him with his own gun and looking for anyone he could rob for some money. In a desperate attempt to make some money, Broderick actually took a ‘job for hire’…he was hired to kill someone.
On the day that he was supposed to carry out this mission of murder, his plans were halted. Him and a friend set out, on a rainy day, to follow and kill a man, but ironically the car they were using kept stalling. By the time they caught up with the man, he was surrounded by too many people, and they were unable to complete the job. At that point Broderick began to analyze his life. After helping his sister through a financial crisis, along with his continued lifestyle of partying and blowing money, the man who once had money at this disposal, found himself broke and homeless. He ended up living with a friend, who shared a two bedroom apartment with your boyfriend and their child. On his first night there the friend prepared dinner for all of them. Never really experiencing hard times, Broderick was shocked at the meal they shared that night…a pack of Ramen noodles for each of them and one Tostino’s pizza. Now one grown man could eat all of that by himself, imagine having to split that between four people.
Broderick had reached his lowest point. Crying out to God for help, he began the process of ‘change’. He took a job at an apartment complex where he picked up and shoveled others people’s trash into the trash dispenser. As you can imagine, this was a humbling experience. Even though he was now making an honest living, he became angry and upset at the turn his life had taken. But in this moment of humility and anger he finally started listening to God, attending church and bible study on a regular basis. Six months later he got a job offer that took him out of the trash cans–he became a case specialist for the Department of Human Service. Eventually his walk with God would lead him to New Direction Christian Church, where he became the youth pastor and leader of the college and singles ministry. Almost being killed, taking a job to kill someone and becoming homeless led Broderick to finally realize that God would never let him be happy without Him…he’s been riding with God ever since.
I’m so glad that I looked pass Pastor Connesero exterior and listened to his message at that first bible study. He has a tough exterior but a soft heart when it comes to reaching and helping others. He’s made incredible strides in helping develop the youth in the city of Memphis. It’s heartwarming to see how much his ‘children’ love him…he leaves a permanent positive mark on all of the kids that have the opportunity and pleasure of experiencing his mentoring.  I can honestly say he was instrumental in helping me connect to New Direction and becoming more than just a church member, but a volunteer as well. Broderick is currently a pastor at Living Hope Church-Vollintine Evergreen. He is now happily married, raising three children, and still riding for God, mentoring and touching the lives of the youth all over the city of Memphis.
You find Pastor Connesero on Instagram @Six45 and Facebook.
11401250_10153053936818002_1069715828426272163_n

As Always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Things My Kids Don’t Need To Know: Father’s Day Edition

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

As people, in general, we make tons of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Those of us that do not have children and are not married tend to be a little more carefree because it’s just us. Those who have kids tend to be a little more careful with their choices because they have little eyes that are watching, and often times mimicking, their every move. And as a part of growing up, we also make many mistakes, mainly because we’re young and learning. Our parents try to tell what is and what’s not a good decision, but usually don’t listen. We think we know what’s best for us and we sometimes can’t rely on what our parents are trying to tell us because we don’t know that they have been there, done that, and they have the Polaroid to prove it. Polaroid because, you know, they’re old (don’t send your parents for me because I called them old). It’s a blessing when we do actually learn from our mistakes and make positive changes in our lives. It sucks when we keep making the same mistakes and never grow from the place of immaturity to mature adult. Well, I talked to a few fathers who have made the transition to mature adult despite the mistakes they’ve made.

ph39pn2ggs1

Is That A Gun In Your Backpack?

“I have several things that I regret now that I wouldn’t want my kids to find out. My senior year of high school I was expelled from school for having a gun at school. I brought shame to myself and my family. I don’t think that’s something I would tell my children unless I felt it was beneficial to them. The good news is that I later went to college and graduated.” ~A.J.

I Love Twix

As most good parents do, you teach your kids about right and wrong, including not taking things that don’t belong to you. Well I remember there being a warehouse not too far from where I lived when I was growing up. My friends and I made more than one trip stealing cases of candy bars from their trucks. I’m a fan of Twix so it wasn’t too hard to convince me to do the dirty deed. I knew it was wrong and looking back I can’t believe that I did that. I was always paranoid that my mom would be cleaning my room and find the boxes of candy under my bed…luckily she never did.” ~C.B. (SN: I grew up next door to these young men and I’m a little upset that they never shared any of those goodies they stole. I never knew anything about a candy warehouse. Not that I condone stealing, but they could have thrown a snicker my way.)

Skating Around With ‘Kesha’

“I went to jail trying to sell weed. I got busted at the skating rink when they decided to search us and I had a joint that I had in a little baggy that I actually forgot was in my pocket. As they were throwing me up against the wall my cousin was calling my mom. I was 20 and still living with my mom at the time. She went into my room and found my stash…she threw away a pound and a half of Marijuana. I was so sick, but I would never want my baby girl to know her daddy tried to be a drug dealer.” ~G.B.

A Crackhead Will Steal From Anyone

“When I was younger I once stole money from my girlfriends purse to buy drugs. Now what father would want their kids to know that they were so low at one point that they actually went into a woman’s purse and took her money?”~CH.B.

I Loved The Ladies…Too Much

“This really isn’t a secret to those who have known me for years, but in my single days I was addicted to women…literally. At one point in my life I managed 9 committed/labeled girlfriends at once. And the adrenaline rush of getting caught drove me to desire more. My daughters (and wife) will never know that part of my life, but my girls will learn the difference between lust and love and all the possible angles men can utilize to have relations with them.” ~D.C.

I Love Your Mom…Now

“I would be embarrassed for my son to know how I treated his mom before we got married. When we dated the first time I was not ready for a relationship. I remember once on her birthday, I picked her up, took her through the drive-thru at Long John Silvers and then dropped her off at home. I went to kick it with my boys on her birthday. Our relationship was pretty much over after that. We went our separate ways and pursued relationships with other people. But I’m happy to say that we found our way back to each other and are happily married. So glad God forgive me and so did she. No more Long John Silvers on her birthday.” ~S.K.

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful fathers out there. Allow your past mistakes to make you a better parent and try to steer your children in the right direction. And remember no matter how hard you try to prevent your children from going down the wrong path, they will make their own mistakes. Just be there to help them up without judgement. You were once young and probably made some of the same mistakes. And if you’re a father that doesn’t have the greatest relationship with your children, take today to make it right. Someone has to make the first move.

As Always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now. She is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in healing pain through the power of laughter.

Turning The Table

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Everyone knows that scripture, Proverbs 18:22, and has referred to it when talking about dating. Many interpret this scripture to mean that if a man seeks and finds a wife then that’s a good thing. But a woman should never be looking for a husband. Many people, women especially, take this meaning literally and believe it is the man’s job to find her. I was talking to an associate of mine and she said, and I quote, “Women didn’t have rights back then so having a wife would be the same as having a slave around the house. It makes the man’s life so much better.” That’s when I gave the infamous side eye and walked away silently. Others have stated that this scripture is largely misunderstood. They say that it doesn’t matter who does the ‘seeking’ as long as they meet and are equally yoked. I agree with that theory, to a certain extent.

I’m a big fan of Steve Harvey, who calls himself the CLO (Chief Love Officer). Mr. Harvey says that men are chasers and the woman should allow themselves to be chased. As much as most women want to be married, it is believed that we should just sit back and relax and our future husbands discover us. And I say most women because, if you’ve been following my blogs, you know that right now I have no desire to be married. Mr. Harvey says, “Ladies, Mr. Right is looking for you way harder than you are looking for him. Just let him know that you are available.” Now my question to Mr. Harvey is, how do we let ‘him’ know that we’re available without approaching him?

steve harvey2

I would never go against or question the word of God. What I do believe is that there nothing wrong with going for what you want. Now I mean that women should throw themselves at a man, but you should let him know you’re available like Mr. Harvey said. But how do we do that? Well, I’m a fan of having a middle man, meaning I’m not going to send my friend over to tell a man I’m interested. I might, however, use my friend, or someone that knows my ‘person of interest’, to get all the details I need before I make my move. But what should my move be? Do I just walk up to him and say, “Hey, I like you.” Or should I go old school and write him a letter, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes □ no □ or maybe □.” Since I hate rejection, like everyone else, I often don’t reveal when I like someone, unless I know he likes me too. That sounds so high school-ish right? Yeah, I know but it’s true. Most people live by the rule “it’s better to try and fail than fail to try.” I don’t live by that rule. And my flirting methods aren’t that effective. Most times guys just think I’m being nice, not flirting, by having a conversation with them. So what do I do and is it okay for me to make the first move. What better way to get the answers to those questions than to ask a few men how they feel about being approached by a woman and having her make the first move.

After listening to what Mr. Harvey has to say about relationships I was expecting completely different responses from my male friends. The question that I asked:

“How do you feel about a woman approaching you making it known that she’s feeling you? Would you rather her not make the first move and does that make her look thirsty if she does?”

“It wouldn’t bother me. I’m shy anyway so it would make it easier for me if she approached me first. Whether she comes off as thirsty or desperate depends on pursuit. If she’s overly aggressive that’s unattractive. She can express her interest in a subtle but clear way. We [men] don’t pick up on hints too well so the woman needs to make her intentions clear.” ~ EB

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It makes it hard if it’s someone I don’t like in return then that makes it hard. But men put themselves out there all the time and get rejected so I guess it’s no different. What I don’t want is for her to ask me out on a date. If I like her then I feel like it’s my job to ask her out and court her in the beginning. I’m old school I guess, but I definitely don’t have a problem with a woman expressing her interest.” ~ TW

“I would be flattered if someone expressed an interest in me. It’s like wow someone actually likes me, lol. It would be a nice change from me be the seeker all the time. Now I do believe in the chase. I don’t want a woman to just put everything on the table for me, leave something to the imagination. But there’s nothing wrong with making your interest known, male or female.” ~ CW

steve harvey1

I guess Mr. Harvey was right, you have to leave space for a guy to be a guy. So ladies the lesson of the day is, if a fellow catches your eye and holds your attention for more than just the initial first look, it’s okay for you to make your interest known. And how do you that without coming off too aggressive or looking thirsty? Well, you just say it. You don’t stalk him, or blow up his inbox on Facebook, or like ALL of his pics on Instagram (including pics from 20 weeks ago because them he will know you’ve been stalking him). Just like one of his pics once a week so he sees your name pop up in your notifications. And once you’ve put yourself out there, let him make the first move. If he’s interested he’ll bite, if not then take your cake to someone who will appreciate the flavor. Okay that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Now I just have to apply this to my own life because I’ve had my eye on someone for a while now. I’ll be back with an update soon. 😉

As Always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.