Things You Don’t Need To Know: Mother’s Day Edition

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Do you sometimes ask your mom questions about her past? Maybe about things that happened before you were born? Like, Have you ever smoked weed?, Did you ever sneak out of the house?, We’re you a virgin before you met my father? A lot of us wonder what our mothers were like before we came along. We like to think that our mothers are perfect but, ummm, that’s just not a realistic thought. Just like we’ve done things that we aren’t so proud of and mistakes, some more than others (I’m talking about myself), our mothers made some mistakes too. There are things that they would never want you to find out because maybe they’re embarrassed or they don’t want you to follow in their footsteps. But I think in a lot of cases, if parents were more open about SOME of their past mistakes, they could actually help their children through similar situations or maybe even prevent them from going through the same thing. So in honor of Mother’s Day I found a few mothers that were brave enough to share some of their past experiences with me. Not brave enough to let me share their names, but brave none the less. Check them out:

The Dentist Is My Friend ~ by T.

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“When I was younger I dated this guy whose dad had his own janitorial business, so he had keys to several offices in our town. My boyfriend would get his dad’s keys and we would go to different places and have sex. It really didn’t matter where because we would basically do it anywhere. But there was one place we seemed to visit often, the dentist office. One day when I was taking my son to his dental appointment with his new dentist, I thought I recognized the address but couldn’t figure out if I had been there before. Once we got inside I realized this was the same dentist office me and my ex use to visit to have sex. And my son and I actually sat in the same area that our little ‘adventures’ took place. I would die if he ever knew that his mom had sex in the same office where he gets his teeth cleaned.”

Mommy’s A Liar ~ by J.

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“When I was in high school I would go midnight bowling all the time. Well, at least that’s where my parents thought I was going. I was really out with my friends going to different bars. I thought I was getting away with it, but I later found out that my mom kind of suspected that I wasn’t really bowling. But my dad totally believed I was into bowling. So much so, that I later found out he was going to buy me my own bowling ball and bag. My mom later told me she was so close to letting him buy it for me just so I would have to drag that heavy thing with me every time I claimed to go bowling. I would never want my kids to know that I was lying about my whereabouts every time I left home. And it’s scary to think that they would ever lie about where they are when they start going out with their friends.”

THOT ~ by C.

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“I have dated a lot of men. Over the period of a few years I can count at least 34 men that I have dated. And I’m 34 years old now. Of course I did not have all of these men around my son, but for a while I was ‘out there.’ I wouldn’t want my son to know that I was a THOT…That Hoe Over There.”

I Maced Your Father ~ by S.

Pepper Spray

“My relationship with my kids father has always been, for lack of a better word, rocky. We had an on and off again relationship. When he acted like a good human being we were together and happy, when he cheated with other women and even made a baby with someone else we would be broken up. Well one night my girls and I decided to hang out at a local club. Well, we hung out in the parking lot because, like most of the people hanging out in the parking lot, we weren’t old enough get in. What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend was also in the parking lot and he had another girl in his car. Of course I flipped out, although you would think I’d use to this behavior by now. We got into an argument and I ended up spraying him in the face with the mace I had attached to my key ring. We are not together today because I was finally smart enough to walk away. And I do not talk bad about him in front of my children because I never want them to know what kind relationship I had with their father. I don’t want to paint a bad picture of him and I definitely do not want them to think that I was stupid for putting up with his mess, LOL.”

Petty Theft ~ By M.

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“When I was younger I hung out with these two girls that were a really bad influence. We went to a store together one day and after we returned home one of them pulled out a pair of earrings she had stolen. I was shocked that she stole something and amazed that it was that easy to get away with it. We started going to various stores and shoplifting. We would take a shirt or a pair of pants. Well one day, unknown to us, store security was watching us. As we left the store security stopped us and we were escorted back into the store. Long story short we spent the night in jail. We were charged with misdemeanor theft and had to pay fines, given community service, and we were put on probation for one year. That’s why it’s so important for me to know my kid’s friends. I need to know who they are hanging around and where they are going when they leave the house. I don’t want them to have any bad influences that will lead to them making a stupid mistake that could follow them for years. I also don’t want them to be the bad influence on someone else, which is why I do my best to make sure they know right from wrong and the consequences of doing wrong.”

Taking The Back Roads ~ by K.

"Will it take you long to fix it ?.I have to be home in twenty minutes."

“One day after school I went to visit my boyfriend, one my parents didn’t know about. When I left I was rushing home because it was almost time for my mom to be home. On my way home my car stopped on a back road that I didn’t have any business being on because it was coming from my boyfriend’s house. Of course I had to call my mom. When she asked me why I was on that back road I told her that a police car was behind me so I turned onto another because I was nervous that he was going to give me a ticket. Well, my fuel pump had gone out on my car and I went like a month without a car because my mom made me save the money to have my car fixed. Something always goes wrong when you’re doing something that you’re not suppose to be doing. I wouldn’t want my son to know that I had relationships that my parents didn’t know about. I wouldn’t want him hiding anything like that from me. And my car stopping on that back road could have been a worse situation than it was if I didn’t have a way to call for help.”

WOW! You mothers are something else! But we’ve all done some things that we aren’t proud of. It’s called life! I know there are some things I would never want my kids to know but thankfully I’m never having kids so I won’t have to worry about that. But if I did have children, and they can read, ummmmm since mommy is a blogger that puts ALL of business out there for the world to read about…they will be able to read about all of my stupid mistakes. And I think I would be okay with that. If it helps them to know that mommy went through the same thing they may be currently going through, I’m fine with them knowing about the time I played the fool for a guy…several guys. Oh geez! Happy Mother’s Day Laughers!

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Fear Factor

Markitta-1011ad

~ Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011 ~

Fear Factor: The extent to which a person’s fear keeps them from doing something; any feeling of fear that prevents an action.

In January I launched a campaign for Valentine’s Day. With the help of my friends, I was determined to have a date for Valentine’s Day. They had the task of finding the, almost, perfect guy and I had the task of keeping myself up to make it easier for them to find someone who wanted to go out with me. So I made sure I combed my hair everyday, put on something other than workout clothes, and painted on some lip gloss and a smile. To promote my campaign I enlisted the help of my photographer and my cousin, who’s a videographer. That’s right, I had a photo shoot and even filmed a short promo. I was so excited about the possible outcome. I had put myself out there, which is so unlike me. My guarded nature usually prevents me from purposely putting myself in any type of vulnerable situation.

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After about 2 weeks of actually making my campaign public, I began to have regrets…doubts. Suddenly I didn’t want to do it anymore. The excitement went away and I wanted to cancel the whole thing. There were so many ‘what ifs’ running through my mind. What if my friends can’t find anyone who wants to go out with me? What if I don’t like any of the guys they pick for me? What if I’m not pretty enough to attract anyone? Should I just accept the fact that I’m single for a reason? Is this whole Valentine’s date thing just stupid? What if every guy they show my pic to is like, “HECK NO I’m not going out with her!”? Yes, these were real thoughts I had and I was terrified.

In a previous blog I shared my thoughts on why I’m single. I have a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem. Well, these same issues influenced me to tell my friends that my Valentine’s Day campaign was off. Yep, I canceled the whole thing. Despite having put myself out there publicly and having others excited to see how this was going to play out, the fact that so many people told me how great this idea was and they wish they had thought of it or that they planned to do it in the future. I didn’t care at this point, I just wanted out. My friends weren’t too happy about this decision. I had built so much excitement around it and I suddenly cancel it without giving them a reason. I felt like I had wasted everyone’s time…my friends, my cousin, and my photographer.

Let me give you an example of just how deep my insecurities are. A few days ago I posted the pic below on Instagram. My plan was to add several filters to it before I finally left it up for everyone to see. I posted the pic before I could add a filter to it, by mistake of course, and was going to delete it before anyone saw it. But before I could delete it some of my followers had already liked and even left comments. I reluctantly left the pic up.

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I’m not sharing this to get pity compliments or fishing for sympathy. I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only woman who feels like this. There is no amount of compliments that will boost my self-confidence. I have to do that for myself. I can get complimented all day but if I don’t believe that I’m beautiful I will never believe anyone else. My friends and family give me compliments all the time. My thoughts when they say nice things about me, “You’re only saying that because you’re my friend. I know you love me and you’re just trying to make me feel better.” I don’t believe they truly mean it when they say “you look pretty” or “you’re a beautiful girl.” The one thing I’m struggling to achieve is self-confidence. God says that, “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.” I try to remember that scripture every time I look at a pic of myself and see nothing wonderful about it.

My fear factor, rejection, is the reason why I did not get a date for Valentine’s Day. I let my insecurities take over. But my goal for 2015 is to face my fear and go on that date. Now, the plot twist. There is someone who I would love to go out with! So part of facing my fear factor is asking that person out on a date. Yes, I know that I’m the woman and typically the man is supposed to pursue the woman. But if you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t think like the average person and I don’t follow the crowd. And yes, I will keep you updated on how that goes.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Why I’m Single

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few days ago I was standing in front of the mirror snapping pictures of myself trying to take the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. I must have snapped at least 30 shoots before I had one that I liked and was presentable enough for everyone else to see. If you check my Instagram page you will see that I have posted very few pictures of myself. The rare times that I do post a pic of myself I go through the process of finding the perfect lighting and usually snap pics for about 10 minutes before I have one that I almost like. And if I stare at it for more than 5 minutes I can find at least 3 things wrong with it and I no longer almost like it. But, during this process a few days ago I realized why I’m single. Well I realized the biggest reason that I’m single, because there’s more than one reason. I, Markitta Michelle Garner, have a self-image problem. My mental picture of myself is poor. After doing a little research I was surprised to discover that many people with type A personality tend to have a poor self-image. Those with type A personality tend to be ambitious, impatient, truthful, sensitive and always try to help others. I should get a Type A Personality t-shirt made and wear it everyday.

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I am constantly promoting Team Single. I never miss the opportunity to let the world know how happy I am with my single status, and I am happy being single. I am in no rush to be boo’ed up. But I also have to be honest with myself about one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to stay single for so long. It’s not that I don’t go out or that no one shows interest, or the excuse that a lot of women in my small town like to use, “There are no good men in this city.” I’m sure there are plenty of good men in my area. My why is my self-image. How I see myself is not the same as how others say they see me. When I’m at home getting dressed for work or a night out with my girls. I have a little confidence. But once I step over the threshold of my front door, that confidence level quickly diminishes.

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Phot cred: Trunetta Atwater http://www.trunettaatwater.com

 I’m pretty as long as I’m the only one and there’s no competition. I’m pretty until I’m among my friends who exude a natural beauty…a beauty that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pretty until I’m surrounded by other women that I’m constantly comparing myself to. I’m pretty until I step on the scale. I’m pretty until someone wants to take a picture with me. I can’t tell you where my self-image issues come from because I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that I compare myself to others a lot and I’m sure if I stopped doing that I would probably like myself a lot more. So I guess my issues come from my own insecurities. I definitely do not lack people in my life, male and female, that tell me I’m beautiful inside and out. The problem is I don’t believe them. It’s kind of like when you’re mom tells you you’re pretty…I feel like they’re saying it because they’re my friends, not because they really mean it.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not looking for validation from a man. I love myself enough not to settle or let someone belittle or disrespect me, but I don’t always like myself. I’m single because I don’t feel attractive. And if I don’t feel attractive I can’t attract anyone else. I’m single because I literally don’t want a man to hug me or touch me in any way because I don’t have the perfect body. I’m single because I feel like if any man gets to close he’ll see all my imperfections.

My friends recently asked me if them telling me that I’m pretty make a difference and the answer is no. You can tell someone something a thousand times, but until they can see it for themselves you’re wasting your breath. Other people’s opinion of me shouldn’t shape how I feel about myself. I have to change my mental perception and realize that God made everything beautiful, including me. So in an effort to reverse my self-image I am going to look in the mirror every morning and repeat Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

I am currently reading the book Glamour Girl: How To Get The Ultimate Makeover! by Megan Mottley. One of my favorite quotes the book reads, “Problems arise when we compare ourselves to others as well as what we constantly see on television, in magazines, and so forth. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors and no one is better than the other. Our society has defined beauty, fashion, music, religion and many other factors to be a certain way and anything else is ugly, not stylish or just plain wrong. The key is to define your own style and attitude, while taking only a few tips from magazines, television or the people you observe on a daily basis.”

Summer 2007

I know I’m not the only one struggling with their self-image. To all my beauties, “you are created in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile.” ~Vicky Courtney http://www.focusonthefamily.com

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To purchase the Glamour Girl book visit The Glamour Girl Movement

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

“It’s All Mine…I Paid For It”

CILN logo

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments*

Synthetic or natural, Virgin/Raw, Brazilian, Indian, Yaki, Remy. It can be sewn, fused, bonded, or braided. What am I talking about? Weave! Many people believe that black women are the only ones the wear weave. NEGATIVE my dear readers. Weave is popular among all races: whites, Asian, Latinos, everyone. Weaves have become so common that people aren’t offended anymore when someone ask, “What kind of hair do you have in?” or “How much did you pay for that hair, girl that looks like that good hair?” Besides wearing braids I have never worn a weave. I know you’re saying, “Braids is weave chick!” But when I think of weave I imagine the free-flowing hair styles that are achieved by adding extra hair to get more volume and length to ones own natural hair. One reason I’ve never worn a weave is because of this crazy fear I have. I would think that if someone pulls your hair and you’re wearing a weave it would hurt more than if it were just your natural hair being pulled. Not that there is any hair pulling going on over here, but that’s just my crazy fear. It’s okay to laugh, I laugh at myself because I know how crazy that sounds.

So what is the fascination with hair weave? Why do women spend $100s of dollars on “extra hair?” Do you know what I could do with the money that some of the people I know spend on weave? Let’s just say me and the Micheal Kors website would be best friends. But seriously, why do so many women seem to be obsessed with wearing weaves? Is it a desire to be like the images they see in the media, an attempt to fit in, or insecurity? It almost seems to be an addiction for some. I had someone tell me once that she literally goes through fits when she takes her weave out; she can’t go more than 2 or 3 days before she has to have it put back in. And her own hair is beautiful and thick so I don’t understand the need for additional hair. I am not totally against wearing a weave, but I’m not a big fan of it either. So I wanted to get some additional opinions to see if I am missing the point or making too big of a deal out of the need for weave. Here’s what some women had to say:

photo32“I wear weave because I get tired of wearing the natural look all the time. I’m very diverse, especially when it comes to hair. I feel extra sexy when I have weave in. I don’t know why, but just the length and how it makes me look older gives me a new found confidence within myself. Weave is convenient and is a great protective style for my natural hair.” ~A.S.

“I’m a hair girl. I love everything about hair. I get bored easily and wearing a weave gives me the opportunity to change my style as much as I want without damaging my own hair.” ~B.K.

“I love my weave! But I started wearing it to transition from relaxed to natural hair. I wear sew ins and only wear Virgin hair. Virgin hair gives you ease without the tangles and matted weaves that is common with Beauty Supply hair. Weave gives you a chance to have some variety with your hair styles as well as keep your hair away from hot styling tools.” ~S.Y.

So what do men think about women that wear weaves? One of these comments shocked me:

“It doesn’t bother me. As long as it’s kept up and fits her face well.” ~E.B.

“I don’t like that most women are going natural. I am not a fan of the natural hair styles because they do not loo good on most women. Some can pull it off, but those that can’t should stick with the weaves or relaxers. I would rather have a woman with a weave than a woman with natural or “nappy” hair.” ~E.T.

“Hair style plays a huge part in who I date. If a woman starts off looking fake with fake parts such as hair, then it makes me ask, what else is she covering up.” ~A.A.

“As long as it’s not that cheap stuff where you can see the tracks, I have no problem with weave.” ~C.C.

“Wear it! Go to the salon and get it professionally done! Whatever makes you look good and sexy. If you can’t grow it…sew it!” ~R.S.

So it seems that most women wear weaves out of convenience. And most men just want the woman to look good, and if that means getting a weave, SO BE IT! Now I don’t want anyone to think that I am just anti weaves or that I’m too goo to wear a weave. It’s just not for me. What I do have a problem with are the girls that depend on things like hair weave to define their beauty. Long hair doesn’t automatically make you pretty or sexy. Beauty, true beauty, comes from within. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to look like the Beyonces and the Kenya Moores of the tv world. Everyone is unique in their own way. Yes, I like for my hair to look good; and let’s be real, when your hair looks good it makes you feel good. But in the end that’s not what defines my beauty. My hair can laid, but if my attitudes is stank then guess what, I’m still UGLY! I Samuel 16:7 says God see not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to look nice, but don’t let your outward appearance be the only thing that defines your beauty.

I want to know your thoughts on this subject. Leave your comments by replying to this blog.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta