Turning The Table

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Everyone knows that scripture, Proverbs 18:22, and has referred to it when talking about dating. Many interpret this scripture to mean that if a man seeks and finds a wife then that’s a good thing. But a woman should never be looking for a husband. Many people, women especially, take this meaning literally and believe it is the man’s job to find her. I was talking to an associate of mine and she said, and I quote, “Women didn’t have rights back then so having a wife would be the same as having a slave around the house. It makes the man’s life so much better.” That’s when I gave the infamous side eye and walked away silently. Others have stated that this scripture is largely misunderstood. They say that it doesn’t matter who does the ‘seeking’ as long as they meet and are equally yoked. I agree with that theory, to a certain extent.

I’m a big fan of Steve Harvey, who calls himself the CLO (Chief Love Officer). Mr. Harvey says that men are chasers and the woman should allow themselves to be chased. As much as most women want to be married, it is believed that we should just sit back and relax and our future husbands discover us. And I say most women because, if you’ve been following my blogs, you know that right now I have no desire to be married. Mr. Harvey says, “Ladies, Mr. Right is looking for you way harder than you are looking for him. Just let him know that you are available.” Now my question to Mr. Harvey is, how do we let ‘him’ know that we’re available without approaching him?

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I would never go against or question the word of God. What I do believe is that there nothing wrong with going for what you want. Now I mean that women should throw themselves at a man, but you should let him know you’re available like Mr. Harvey said. But how do we do that? Well, I’m a fan of having a middle man, meaning I’m not going to send my friend over to tell a man I’m interested. I might, however, use my friend, or someone that knows my ‘person of interest’, to get all the details I need before I make my move. But what should my move be? Do I just walk up to him and say, “Hey, I like you.” Or should I go old school and write him a letter, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes □ no □ or maybe □.” Since I hate rejection, like everyone else, I often don’t reveal when I like someone, unless I know he likes me too. That sounds so high school-ish right? Yeah, I know but it’s true. Most people live by the rule “it’s better to try and fail than fail to try.” I don’t live by that rule. And my flirting methods aren’t that effective. Most times guys just think I’m being nice, not flirting, by having a conversation with them. So what do I do and is it okay for me to make the first move. What better way to get the answers to those questions than to ask a few men how they feel about being approached by a woman and having her make the first move.

After listening to what Mr. Harvey has to say about relationships I was expecting completely different responses from my male friends. The question that I asked:

“How do you feel about a woman approaching you making it known that she’s feeling you? Would you rather her not make the first move and does that make her look thirsty if she does?”

“It wouldn’t bother me. I’m shy anyway so it would make it easier for me if she approached me first. Whether she comes off as thirsty or desperate depends on pursuit. If she’s overly aggressive that’s unattractive. She can express her interest in a subtle but clear way. We [men] don’t pick up on hints too well so the woman needs to make her intentions clear.” ~ EB

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It makes it hard if it’s someone I don’t like in return then that makes it hard. But men put themselves out there all the time and get rejected so I guess it’s no different. What I don’t want is for her to ask me out on a date. If I like her then I feel like it’s my job to ask her out and court her in the beginning. I’m old school I guess, but I definitely don’t have a problem with a woman expressing her interest.” ~ TW

“I would be flattered if someone expressed an interest in me. It’s like wow someone actually likes me, lol. It would be a nice change from me be the seeker all the time. Now I do believe in the chase. I don’t want a woman to just put everything on the table for me, leave something to the imagination. But there’s nothing wrong with making your interest known, male or female.” ~ CW

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I guess Mr. Harvey was right, you have to leave space for a guy to be a guy. So ladies the lesson of the day is, if a fellow catches your eye and holds your attention for more than just the initial first look, it’s okay for you to make your interest known. And how do you that without coming off too aggressive or looking thirsty? Well, you just say it. You don’t stalk him, or blow up his inbox on Facebook, or like ALL of his pics on Instagram (including pics from 20 weeks ago because them he will know you’ve been stalking him). Just like one of his pics once a week so he sees your name pop up in your notifications. And once you’ve put yourself out there, let him make the first move. If he’s interested he’ll bite, if not then take your cake to someone who will appreciate the flavor. Okay that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Now I just have to apply this to my own life because I’ve had my eye on someone for a while now. I’ll be back with an update soon. 😉

As Always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

RnB/Soul Artist JL: Painting A New Picture of Music

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

R&B/Soul artist JL (Jawaskia Lake) is not just stepping on the stage and singing songs, he’s bringing back the true sound of  R&B and soul music, providing true entertainment for his fans. I first became acquainted with JL when I heard him sing at a First Friday event about 3 years ago. He describes his music as 90s style R&B and soul. Originally from Bolivar, TN, most of his fan base is located in Jackson, TN. Having opened for major artists like Keith Sweat, Brian McKnight, and Keisha Cole, he is definitely making his way to the front line in the music world.

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At the young age of 8 years old, like most musical artists, JL got his start in church. Coming from a musical family, his mom being a gospel artist and his older brother being a member of a musical group out of Memphis, TN called Perfection, it was only right the he also became involved in music. He soon found himself traveling with his brother’s group playing the drums and eventually filling in for other singers in the group. After about 7 years of singing gospel JL ventured into the world of secular music and started experimenting with R&B, wanting to try something new and different from what his family was doing. His new sound soon garnered him a new fan base and he knew he’d made the right move. That’s when he decided to start buying his own equipment and set up a studio in his home so he could write and produce more music.

He was determined to be heard and noticed for his style of music. When he debuted his song Paint A Picture, he did just that. Even though he had been recording for years, Paint A Picture was his breakout hit and what made people want to hear more of his music. His music was now being heard by more people, but this new-found popularity came with a few bumps in the road. People that he’d worked closely with no longer wanted to be in his shadows and decided to break away. When booking shows, he found that promoters didn’t want to pay him much. Although performing, for JL, is not all about the money, he also didn’t want to be taken advantage of. Which is one of the reasons he started hosting his own events, sponsoring several shows at Miss Ollie’s, a venue located in Jackson, TN. These events are made affordable to his fans and provides local, much-needed entertainment to those of us that enjoy great, live music. He also does a lot of charity events for free.

JL says that through his music, he wants to bring back that 90s style R&B sound. Because his music is relate-able, JL has built a huge fan base. He writes songs that are true to life…touching on things and situations that everyone can relate to. Most of his songs lyrics come from his own life experiences. His  sound is a blend of melodic, soulful music you can slow dance. Now when is the last time you slow danced? In the 90s right? I know, me too. And how many times have you said or heard people say that music just isn’t what it was 10 or 20 years ago? Music doesn’t give you that same ‘good feeling’ it once did because artists today aren’t true R&B singers. Most artists don’t do it for the true passion and love of music, rather for the love of money and fame. If you’re ever fortunate enough to have the JL experience you’ll hear the same feel good, classic R&B music that came from artists such as Joe and Donnell Jones. JL’s music has that soul sound that you aren’t likely to hear from many artists today. In 2011 JL started his own label, SouLink Music. Although he hasn’t signed any artist, other than himself, through SouLink JL is able to be an artist, producer and song writer. He’s already gotten calls to write songs for some major artists, so if singing doesn’t work out he has some eggs in other baskets. In one way or another JL’s name will soon be well-known in the music industry.

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JL’s Laugh Story

“I’m not a drinker or a smoker, but one time I was at a show in Nashville when one of my band members decided we should have some drinks before the show. This was my first time performing at this particular venue and it was a full house. Well I had TOO many drinks. Once I got on stage I forgot every song I was performing that night. I almost fell when I was going on the stage. Eventually I gathered myself and was able to get through the show successfully, but I will never drink before a show again. That was my worst show to date.” ~ JL

JL’s new album will be released August 2015. In the meantime you can go to iTunes and download his EP, The Appetizer, which features the single Paint A Picture.

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy through reality, one laugh at a time.

It’s Been A Long Time Coming: G Billa of Jackson’s Hot 96.1

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

In 2010 Gary Bills went to one of the local radio stations in Jackson, TN in an effort to get his music played. Unsuccessful, he never gave up. He returned to that same station every week, determined to get his music played. His determination earned him an internship at the station. Not quite what he was expecting, but at least he now had his foot in the door. After learning how to work the ‘boards’, he eventually landed a position working with radio personality Mr. Richard Donnell Sr. during his Community Feedback show that aired on Sunday mornings on 96 KIX. While grateful for this opportunity, Gary was still very focused on getting music played.

For as long as I can remember, Jackson, TN has only had one R&B station that appealed to the younger generation, and the not so younger generation that enjoyed R&B and the sometimes hip hop music that this station played. We really had no other options, unless we popped in a CD or streamed music from an online outlet such as Pandora or iHeart Radio or had satellite radio. This particular station didn’t really play a lot of up-to-date music, but if you were into ‘old school’ music then this was definitely the station for you. However, in 2014 Jackson was introduced to a new Hip Hop station, Hot 96.1.  This created a lot of buzz and excitement, because Hip Hop fans now had another option for music. Well, at least that’s what we thought, until this station started to sound very similar to the old station that we were all accustomed to hearing. The same music and the same radio personalities came through the speakers. What the freak?! Back to my CDs and Pandora. Then one day I tuned in and a heard a new voice…Gary Bills, a.k.a. G Billa was now rocking the mic! No disrespect to any of the vets of the Jackson airwaves, but it was refreshing to hear new talent, which hopefully meant a whole new sound. So I had to have a one on one conversation with G Billa.

Now G Billa always had dreams of being on the radio, not just behind the scenes pushing the buttons on the tech board. Even as a kid, not fully recognizing this passion, he would record his own live radio broadcasts. After mistakenly taping over his mom’s Patti Labelle tape, she went out and bought him a stack of blank cassette tapes. He would record himself doing live commentaries to all of the San Francisco 49ers football games…his favorite team I’m guessing. After working at the radio station for about 3 years the program director finally gave him the opportunity to fill in for DJs when they were out or if they were at a remote location doing a live broadcast. He was a natural behind the mic. After only one time on the air, he knew that being behind the mic was where he was meant to be.

Recently the people of Jackson were shocked when one of the local radio personalities posted a video on Facebook announcing his departed from radio. Richard Dee of 96 KIX and Hot 96.1 was stepping away after being in radio for many years. His voice was very recognizable and the people of Jackson and surrounding counties had become accustomed to hearing his voice when they turned on their radios. I tip my hat to Richard Dee because he definitely made his mark in radio and left a lasting impression on all that listened to him. His departure now made room for new talent. G Billa finally got the call he’d be waiting on. He’s now the new midday, early afternoon voice of Hot 96.1. When asked about what he’s going to bring that makes him different from the rest, “You never know what to expect from me. I’m all about having fun, bringing the excitement and making people laugh. I have a lot of ideas It’s go time! Expect the unexpected!”

I admire the determination and passion that G Billa has displayed. His journey to radio hasn’t been an easy or fast one. For anyone who’s interested in being in radio or anyone who has dreams G Billa has a few words of advice: “Be persistent and don’t quit. Don’t ever stop chasing your dream. Don’t ever say, I’m done with this. You may feel like giving up but DON’T DO IT! One day it’s going to be your time. People are so impatient when it comes to getting their shot, their time to shine. I’m 35 years old, it’s been a long freakin time coming. Throughout my 20s I’ve just been cooking in restaurants. And don’t get me wrong, I love to cook. I went to culinary school also, but I love the radio. I knew in my heart that’s where I belonged. I never gave up. I continued to work other jobs while still working in radio. And now it’s my time. I finally got my shot.”

You can catch G Billa on Jackson’s Hot 96.1, Monday – Friday from 12pm-6pm.

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Hot 96.1 is a division of Thomas Media, which also includes 96 KIX, STAR 107.7, WYN 106.9, and 102.3 THE ROCKET.

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

When Your Broken Heart Becomes Your Fault

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Girl meets boys. Girl and boy fall in love. Things are good for one or two years. Things suddenly start to change. Boy or girl is no longer in love. Boy and girl go their separate ways. Girl or boy is confused and blindsided…didn’t see this coming. Or did they? Let’s go back a few months and take a look at what may have transpired. Remember that one time her phone rang and she took the call in the other room? And how that started happening more regularly, when she normally has no problem taking calls in front of you no matter who it is? Or how you usually see him almost every day of the week and now you see him maybe three or four days out of the week…if he has time? Oh, or what about the first time you suspected he was lying to you about where he was and what he did the night before, but you dismissed it because you didn’t want to believe that he would actually lie to your face! Yep! There are always signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. The signs are sometimes subtle, but sometimes HUGE! They smack us in the face like the smell of your grandma cooking chitterlings in the summer time. We see the changes taking place but we hope that we can do something to bring things back to normal…the way it was when you both were in love with each other. We don’t realize that the longer we ignore the problems the worse those problems become. And sometimes we set ourselves up for a heartbreak. How is that possible you ask? Well, we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will not have a happy ending.

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Take me for example, because y’all know I’ve put myself in some questionable situations. A few years ago I was in ‘like’ with this guy. We weren’t in a relationship or even dating. But we had a strong like for each other. We talked everyday, he came to visit me at work regularly, and I even stayed up all night texting him while he was at work. Yep, I sacrificed sleep just to talk to him! It felt like we were teenagers, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up the phone. I thought that since we were taking the time to really get to know each, without being around each other all the time and not even being close to being intimate, that we were starting off on the right foot. We weren’t being distracted by lust because we weren’t spending time together alone. We were sharing a different type of intimacy. HA! Corny right? I know, I know. But just keep reading because there was a very good reason why we were never alone together or went out on dates or never even seen together in public. He wasn’t 100 percent available…he was engaged to be married…and not to me. And yes I knew this before I got ‘involved’ in this situation with him! But I continued to talk to him every day, staying up all night texting him while he was at work. I believed the things he told me about his current relationship, and then I got my heart broken. I logged on to Facebook one day and I saw wedding pictures…his wedding pictures…I talked to him the day before his wedding and he never mentioned the fact that he was getting married the next day. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe that he was such a coward to not tell me he was about to walk down the aisle. I thought we meant more to each other and he had more respect for me to hurt me like that. LOL, yeah I know that’s funny right? I had to laugh at myself on that thought. But wait! Should he have given me the heads up that he was getting married? I mean, I knew he was engaged and marriage is what usually follows. Truth is he didn’t owe me anything. A warning about his upcoming wedding, an explanation, an apology…NOTHING! My broken heart was now my fault. So often we go through relationships with our love shades on. Just like our Ray Bans, Nine West, and for some of us Prada shades, blocks the sun, our love shades block the lies, excuses and infidelity. They block the lack of interest from our partner. They block the true personalities and characters of our significant other. We wear them inside and outside, making people look at us thinking that we are confused. You know those people who wear their shades inside or even when there is no sun out? Or people who take selfies with their shades on…or the dude that always wears a hat because he just doesn’t look the same without it.They refuse to remove these items because they seem to make everything look better. Some tend to think they can change a person if they stick by them, love them through their mess. Hmph! When a person shows you over and over again who they are, and you still don’t believe them…your broken heart becomes YOUR FAULT! pic3 So how do we stop breaking our own hearts? Simple..stop settling! Recognize that you deserve better and do not settle for less than what you want. You think that what you have now is the best you can do. No ma’am! God wants more for you in EVERY area of your life. Your career, your education, your family, your friends and your relationships. He does want us to settle for less, when He wants to give us the best. But we have to let go so we can grasp what He has waiting for us. We should NEVER let a man or woman have to tell us twice that they don’t want us!

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Fear Factor

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~ Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011 ~

Fear Factor: The extent to which a person’s fear keeps them from doing something; any feeling of fear that prevents an action.

In January I launched a campaign for Valentine’s Day. With the help of my friends, I was determined to have a date for Valentine’s Day. They had the task of finding the, almost, perfect guy and I had the task of keeping myself up to make it easier for them to find someone who wanted to go out with me. So I made sure I combed my hair everyday, put on something other than workout clothes, and painted on some lip gloss and a smile. To promote my campaign I enlisted the help of my photographer and my cousin, who’s a videographer. That’s right, I had a photo shoot and even filmed a short promo. I was so excited about the possible outcome. I had put myself out there, which is so unlike me. My guarded nature usually prevents me from purposely putting myself in any type of vulnerable situation.

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After about 2 weeks of actually making my campaign public, I began to have regrets…doubts. Suddenly I didn’t want to do it anymore. The excitement went away and I wanted to cancel the whole thing. There were so many ‘what ifs’ running through my mind. What if my friends can’t find anyone who wants to go out with me? What if I don’t like any of the guys they pick for me? What if I’m not pretty enough to attract anyone? Should I just accept the fact that I’m single for a reason? Is this whole Valentine’s date thing just stupid? What if every guy they show my pic to is like, “HECK NO I’m not going out with her!”? Yes, these were real thoughts I had and I was terrified.

In a previous blog I shared my thoughts on why I’m single. I have a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem. Well, these same issues influenced me to tell my friends that my Valentine’s Day campaign was off. Yep, I canceled the whole thing. Despite having put myself out there publicly and having others excited to see how this was going to play out, the fact that so many people told me how great this idea was and they wish they had thought of it or that they planned to do it in the future. I didn’t care at this point, I just wanted out. My friends weren’t too happy about this decision. I had built so much excitement around it and I suddenly cancel it without giving them a reason. I felt like I had wasted everyone’s time…my friends, my cousin, and my photographer.

Let me give you an example of just how deep my insecurities are. A few days ago I posted the pic below on Instagram. My plan was to add several filters to it before I finally left it up for everyone to see. I posted the pic before I could add a filter to it, by mistake of course, and was going to delete it before anyone saw it. But before I could delete it some of my followers had already liked and even left comments. I reluctantly left the pic up.

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I’m not sharing this to get pity compliments or fishing for sympathy. I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only woman who feels like this. There is no amount of compliments that will boost my self-confidence. I have to do that for myself. I can get complimented all day but if I don’t believe that I’m beautiful I will never believe anyone else. My friends and family give me compliments all the time. My thoughts when they say nice things about me, “You’re only saying that because you’re my friend. I know you love me and you’re just trying to make me feel better.” I don’t believe they truly mean it when they say “you look pretty” or “you’re a beautiful girl.” The one thing I’m struggling to achieve is self-confidence. God says that, “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.” I try to remember that scripture every time I look at a pic of myself and see nothing wonderful about it.

My fear factor, rejection, is the reason why I did not get a date for Valentine’s Day. I let my insecurities take over. But my goal for 2015 is to face my fear and go on that date. Now, the plot twist. There is someone who I would love to go out with! So part of facing my fear factor is asking that person out on a date. Yes, I know that I’m the woman and typically the man is supposed to pursue the woman. But if you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t think like the average person and I don’t follow the crowd. And yes, I will keep you updated on how that goes.

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Unapologetically Black

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Some people say we’ve got a lot of malice
Some say it’s a lot of nerve
But I say we won’t quit moving until we get what we deserve
We have been bucked and we have been scorned
We have been treated bad, talked about as just bones
But just as it takes two eyes to make a pair, ha
Brother we can’t quit until we get our share
Say it loud: I’m black and I’m proud! ~James Brown

I am a black woman and I love all things Black. I love my brown skin and think that all shades of black are beautiful. I’m a paid member of the NAACP and was very active in the collegiate chapter of the NAACP when I was in college. I was a committee chair and sat on the executive board during my entire undergraduate career. I was a paid member of the Black Student Association also. I’m all for equal rights, equal opportunity, and the uplifting of ‘my people’. I support as many black businesses as I can and make a conscious effort not to participate in the putting down of other black individuals, or any individuals. But can a person be too pro black? To radical when it comes to enlightening society of the injustices done to the black community? Can someone play the race card too much, making EVERY situation an injustice toward black people? Well, I have a friend that we’ll refer to as Joe Black. Mr Black has been elected as the president of the “If It Ain’t Black Then It’s Just Wack” club. His job as president includes informing his subjects, on a daily basis, just how bad the human race treats all black people. I had the opportunity to ask Mr Black a few questions and I got some pretty interesting answers:

Me: You’ve been filling up your followers Instagram timeline with a lot of controversial posts on issues regarding injustices toward black people. People kind of see you as the king of informing the black, and white, community that the black race hasn’t come as far as the world says we have. What feedback have you gotten regarding your Instagram pics and Facebook status’?

Mr. Black: The most I’ve heard is, “Why are you posting this stuff?” or some of my white friends and followers have tried to convince me to ‘forget it’.

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Me: So why all the ‘informative’ posts now? Not that you haven’t always been pro black but you’ve been on it lately.

Mr. Black: You remember hearing the saying, “If you don’t want black people to know something put it in a book”? I started reading more. Plus I started watching more documentaries on our history. Lastly, some of the things I use to wonder about when I was young, come to find out I was right about most of what I thought about.

Me: How do you view the police? Do you respect their authority? Have your views on their roles and responsibilities to the community, as far as providing safety and security, changed any after doing your research? Especially in light of the recent incidences of black men being shot and killed by police officers.

Mr. Black: I don’t care too much for the police. Had one call me a nigger to my face once…at my own home. I do, however, respect a good cop but that doesn’t make them that good if they’re not fighting to change the things they see that are wrong. They keep quiet! They provide safety and security but mostly for whites against people who look like me. I do respect their authority but as you can see they abuse it…A LOT!

Me: How do you view other races? Particularly whites.

Mr. Black: I respect other races and their culture. However, I do wish that my race (African Americans) would build our own. Hell, we have a $1 trillion-dollar spending power. That, along with building up our own communities and businesses, generates much power. Sometimes I wish we had never integrated.

Me: WOW! Life without integration! How do you think things would be today?

Mr. Black: Before integration we were a ‘together people’. In every way, together. We had black cities, banks, businesses, etc. It wasn’t until we integrated that we started dividing. We integrated into a system that wasn’t created for us (black people). So they can and have made the rules to keep us out, down, divided, and dumb! Their laws are not made for us.

I have to admit, I kind of agree with his thoughts on integration. But to look at his Instagram and Facebook posts, one would think that he is extremely radical and against anything that isn’t Black. Fortunately, I know Mr. Black personally so I know this isn’t the case. But can one be too ‘pro black’? To the point where they seem to be racist against all non minorities? This is a quote from one of Mr. Black’s Instagram post:

“Besides what I posted the other day…another Black Man has been murdered! That’s number 111+ dead Black Men! Don’t want to hear ‘Let’s go to church and pray’. #FuckThat #FuckAmeriKKKa”

Do you get tired of your Facebook and Instagram friends filling up your timeline with reminders of how badly black people are treated? How much we went through to make it to today? How much is too much? Is it necessary to remind everyone that racism is still very much alive and the injustices to Blacks occur on a daily basis?

Check out some of Mr. Blacks posts and let me know if you think it’s ‘too much’:

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Little People, Big World

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Turning Laughter Into Pain Since 2011

Let’s face it, when it comes to dating, size matters.  Wipe that smirk off your face, when I say size I mean height. Children measuring height  Unfortunately, what first attracts us to a person is looks.  As much as people like to say “it doesn’t matter what a person looks like”, we all have something that we like about and look for physically in a potential mate.  Whether you’re a leg or butt man, or a woman that is attracted to muscles or a man’s eyes, looks play at least a small role in what draws you to a person.  But what about height?  Do you have a height requirement when dating?  Can a person be too tall or too short?  Does your height determine your character or how one will conduct themselves in a relationship?  I mean surely you can’t judge a person based on their height.

I’ve noticed that most men do not care about height, unless they are what is considered short for a man.  Those men that are height challenged seem to associate height with their ego or manhood.  They feel as if a woman that is taller than them might make them look less like the one who wears the pants in the relationship, taking away from their manhood.  Women equate height with protection.  We want to feel like our man can protect us.  So if he isn’t taller than us AFTER we put on put on our heels, he probably won’t make the cut.  Except for Kevin Hart’s girlfriend, she loves him even with her heels on.  She LOVES her little person!  Just kidding, I love Kevin Hart and he looks extremely happy whenever he’s with his girl, height challenge and all.

kevin-hart-eniko-parish

I have a few male friends that are height challenged.  I mean I’m barely hitting 5’0 myself so I don’t hang around a lot of giants.  I choose not to be the midget of the group so I stick to my own kind.  But one friend in particular is currently pursuing a girl that is taller than him.  Not that I don’t think he is man enough to handle her, it’s just odd to picture them together.  So when I mentioned this subject to some of my Laughers, tall and short, they had an opinion about it too.

The Male Perspective

“I think the height should be close, give or take 3 – 4 inches.  The tallest I’ve dated was 6’4 and the shortest was 5’2…it just didn’t look right.”  ~S.H.

“I don’t want to date a woman way taller than me.  It’s a little awkward for me–like a circus act.”  ~E.B.

“My height helps me.  Women love my height but to me it doesn’t matter, it’s all about heart.  If the heart is good then the height doesn’t matter.” ~B.J.

“Height doesn’t matter to me.  I got a 6 ft side chick right now…she’s 6’3 with heels.”  ~C.C.

The Women Speak

“In dating, height matters because you have personal preferences and you are just getting to know them.  Now me personally, I just want you to be taller than me, and I’m short so it really hasn’t been an issue finding that.”  ~R.H.

“You can’t protect me if you’re shorter than me.”  ~C.B.

“Height shouldn’t matter but it does.  Whoever I date has to be at least the same height as me with heels on.  I just don’t feel comfortable with a short man.  I want to feel like my man can protect me if I’m in danger and I just wouldn’t feel secure with someone short.”  ~A.N.G.

“It shouldn’t matter but honestly, and this may sound shallow, we’re usually initially attracted to people because of their appearance: physique, build and height are things that we look at.  I don’t want to be towering over my man.  I want to feel protected and safe and a short man makes me feel like he can’t supply those things.  But I do know that a short man is very capable of doing those things.”  ~A.G.

“For me height does matter.  I’m almost 6 ft tall and I prefer a man to be at least my height or taller.  I’m not saying that I would never give a short guy a chance, but it’s not my first choice.  I like the idea of being able to wear heels and not hovering over my date.”  ~L.K.

So as you can see the men are pretty divided on the issue of height.  But I will say the two that said height DOES matter are both what I consider height challenged.  LOL!  Now the ladies all have the same concern that I stated before, protection.  We, for some reason, think height means we are safe and protected.  Now before all the short men jump out of their clown car and attack me, let me just state a few things in your favor.  I am very well aware that just because a guy is tall or taller than the woman he is dating, that doesn’t mean he could protect her any better than someone shorter.  I have personally witnessed the strength of one of my height challenged male friends.  I have also seen one of my height challenged male friends jump in and pull a child out of the pool when she started to go under.  So I know that height has nothing to do with the strength, heart and integrity of a man.  But, unfortunately, most of us would prefer a tall man, or at least taller than us.

Me personally, I prefer someone Usher’s height, build, skin color….aw hell I prefer Usher himself!  Big ups to all my short Laughers…male or female we have to stick together.  We’re just little people in a big world.

Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Clearly a Comedienne

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5: 9-11

Clearly a Comedienne- Yes, Comedienne ’cause I’m female!

Can I Laugh Now? had the privilege to sit down with a very talented and funny individual, Mzzz. Kecia. (That’s right, 3 z’s. One for the Father, one for the Son, and one for the Holy Spirit. Or 3 z’s because she’s always tired. Lol, you choose.) Either way she is one funny lady!

A Very Funny and Interesting Start

Mzzz. Kecia is from Gary, Indiana (no, she does not know the Jacksons but she can Moonwalk). So in 2003, she was asked to be part of a Singles Ministry program. Well she was listed as a comedian. Mzzz. Kecia knew she made the program director laugh over the phone but she had no idea she was going to be listed as a comedian for the show!

Mzzz. Kecia began to wonder,”is this the Lord speaking to me?” Because she had always been told that she was funny and should pursue a career in comedy. Well this was her big shot! She never took the show seriously until afterwards when people came up asking for her business card. And thus Mzzz. Kecia was born!

Christian Comedienne? Mzzz. Kecia does not see the need to be labeled a “Christian” comedian. Being a Christian is a part of who she is and is in everything she does, not just comedy. So keep the labels because Mzzz. Kecia tells more than just “Jesus Jokes”!

Lessons Quickly Learned the Hard Way

Mzzz. Kecia now uses contracts when booking a show. Why? Because of the following things that have happened to her that she does not want to happen again!

Being offered to be paid in food! Yes, fish and chicken! Mzzz. Kecia is a recession comedienne; she will work with you! Lol. At least give her gas money to make it back home!

Mzzz. Kecia’s favorite line from clients when it comes to being paid: “I thought you were a Christian.” ATTN:  “Christians eat! Christians have bills! I can’t call Memphis Light Gas and Water and say ‘Hey, I’m a Christian!’ They won’t write that off!” Stop expecting Christians to do everything pro bono, people! Lol!

Scheduling conflicts:  Expecting to go on at noon and not hitting the stage until midnight.

Security issues:  One time while on stage, Mzzz. Kecia saw a guy going through her belongings in the back of the room! Really, dude?! She had to call security on the security! Lol!

MC’s introducing her by the wrong name! Or as Mzzz. Kecia says, “a whole ‘nother name!”

But through all the ups and downs, Mzzz. Kecia knows that she has hit it big because she now has her own stalker. “I understand you coming to my announced shows, but how do you know about the unannounced shows?! You showing up to the women’s conference and you’re a man! Lol!”

From Small Town to Big City

4 years ago, Mzzz. Kecia entered the B.E.T. contest, A Time to Laugh (the clean version of Comic View).

Now Mzzz. Kecia had talked herself out of even going to the audition. But she decided to pray about it because she prays about everything- from lost keys to finding a matching outfit. Lol! Once she prayed, things just started falling into place:  people volunteered to drive her, to buy her outfit, and even offered her a place to stay.

If nothing else, Mzzz. Kecia figured the audition would look good on her resume so she gave it a shot. And would you know, she was selected to be a featured comedian on the show! Mzzz. Kecia definitely stood out from the pack. While everyone else told “Jesus jokes” Kecia talked about it all. Mzzz. Kecia figured “clean comedy” went beyond jokes about church and the judges noticed. Well like I said, Mzzz. Kecia was selected, and this woman who once suffered from low self-esteem was now to be the focus, commanding the attention of a room full of people. “I’m national funny now!” Lol.

The Motto

Pray & Go! Surprisingly, Mzzz. Kecia wasn’t nervous for her big B.E.T. gig because of her motto, Pray & Go. One of the best shows she has ever performed came from a show that she didn’t want to do. She was having an awful day. Her car “blew up,” enough said! When she arrived to the venue she did not have a thing prepared. Before walking on the stage she says “God, if I’m a comedienne, she better go forth and if you’ve called me to do this then please give me something to say!” And He did just that! Mzzz. Kecia still remembers that night as one of her best shows yet.

Mzzz. Kecia is very humbled that God chose her to help carry out His work. And she loves what she does. And while it has not brought her millions (yet) she says that God told her to make his people laugh; he didn’t say go get rich.

“God told me ‘go make my people laugh.’ I wouldn’t trade if for the world. I love, love, love what I was called to do!”

And to all the female comedians out there who may be discouraged to break into this male dominated field, Mzzz. Kecia says “do something with all that personality and funny! Get you a check, chile!” Lol!

Check Mzzz. Kecia out on Facebook, Twitter, and check out her YouTube videos. Just search Mzzz. Kecia!  

Until Next Time,

Keep Laughing!

-CILN