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Can I Laugh Now? *Turning Pain And Embarrassment Into Laughter Since 2011*

You’ve been together for almost 3 years now.  You’ve met all of his family and friends, you’ve changed your relationship status on Facebook, and there are pictures of the two of you together all over Instagram…his mama even likes you.  So when is he going to make it official and declare his undying, unwavering love for you by putting a ring on it?  You’ve discussed it, he knows you’re praying for it, but he’s not ready.

You know she’s the one.  All the other girls you’ve dated have nothing on her. She’s smart, beautiful, successful; she loves God and is great with children.  She makes you feel like no one else has ever made you feel.  You know without a doubt that she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life.  But she’s is so success driven that marriage is not on her mind right now.  She wants to achieve all she can and go as high as she can in her career before she gets married and has a family.

waiting-time

Waiting on Mr or Mrs right but they seem to have gotten lost?  Most people are dating for a purpose.  That purpose is usually marriage…unless you’re like me.  I’m sure what my purpose for dating is, but it sure as heck isn’t marriage.  So if you’re dating to one day reach marriage, how long is too long to wait on someone to finally be ready for marriage? Should there be a limit on how long you wait for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get themselves together? I say no. Now let me explain that no.  Everyone has their own limit or breaking point and it usually varies depending on the situation.  So technically you can’t put an official time limit on how long you are suppose to wait on someone, but we do it anyway.

So how long do you wait on someone? Well, let’s look at your relationship.  Your wait time is going to depend on YOUR relationship.  Now I need you to be honest when answering these questions, don’t lie to save face.  The first and most important question is does this person love and have a relationship with God? If the answer is no, then they definitely do not love you and you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.  There is no need for you to continue reading this blog…GET OUT NOW! If the answer is yes, keep reading.

Question 2: How long have you been in a relationship with this person? It is my belief that you should date at least 2 years before expecting the commitment of marriage. If it has been less than 1 year, stop rushing it. If it’s been 2 to 3 years, have a discussion about it, but don’t push the issue. If you have to constantly push the issue of marriage on someone, you probably shouldn’t wait on them. Something that has to be forced isn’t genuine.

Question 3: Does communicating with them seem like a burden…on them? Every time you try to talk to them their body seems to get heavy.  They start to slump over in exhaustion and their facial expression suddenly goes from sugar to salt.  Communication is key in a healthy relationship. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend without them fighting it, you will never get anywhere in that relationship.  It will always be one-sided because only one of you will be happy, and it won’t be you.

Question 4: Would you let this person have your ATM card and pin number…all day?  You have to have a significant amount of trust to let someone have your ATM card and pin number.  At least I would because I need ALL of my money, I ain’t got time for nobody to be dipping in.  If you can’t trust someone why would try to wait it out? Now at some point just about everyone in your life will do something to make you question whether you can trust them or not.  But, if this person has caused you to lose trust in them and they are not working to regain that trust, why are you waiting for them to get it together?  If you can’t trust someone you probably have very little respect for them.  Respect and trust…without there is no need to wait.

Question 5: Really?! You need more evidence as to whether you should wait around on someone??? Come on people! Truthfully only you can answer this question.  The examples I gave above are good reasons not to stick around, but only you know the details of your relationship and before reading this blog you already knew the answer to the question.  You know that gut feeling you have right now? Yep, you already know.

Right people energize you, wrong people exhaust you.  Are you energized or exhausted?  If you’re exhausted, you’ve been waiting too long.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Going the Distance…

If “familiarity breeds contempt” and “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” then why are so many people against long distance relationships?

*Be sure to check out the latest Can I Laugh Now? story, “Verbal Consent,” below. It’s a tale of long distance that didn’t end so well!

If you would have asked me a couple of months ago if I thought long distance relationships worked, I would have told you ABSOLUTELY NOT! This may be because my own long distance relationship crashed and burned. But if I’m honest with myself, I will admit that he and I had issues long before distance became a factor.

I’ve learned a few things from my last break up, and I  believe that if I met a guy with long term potential I would not let distance be a deal breaker. With that being said, there are a few key factors that must be present in a successful long distance romance. The first being TRUST. “If ya ain’t got trust, ya ain’t got nothing.” (I heard that in a movie somewhere. Lol.) It’s simple, yet profound. The next is COMMUNICATION. And no, I am not talking about staying on the phone with your partner all day and all night. When I say communication I mean being open and honest with what’s going on, expressing how you are coping with the distance. Lastly, I must stress that each of you have a LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR PARTNER (this I learned the hard way). I spent the summer of 2006 in London. While there Italy won the World Cup of Soccer. My friends were outside celebrating with locals who were parading the streets ecstatic over the win. Where was I? I was in my room on the phone with my boyfriend like I had been many nights that summer. I’m not saying put your long distance lover on the back burner; just make sure that you have balance. And if your partner makes a fuss about you having a life outside of him/her, consider it a RED FLAG!

With all that being said, even with trust, communication, and having a life outside of your partner, there will come a time when one of you will have to make a sacrifice, the big move. I implore that you do not move without a serious commitment (Ring!). And it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have a fallback. By fallback I mean a job or apartment set up just in case the relationship dissolves.

But why not give long distance a chance? I figure if a relationship can withstand that type of strain, it is probably the real deal. 🙂

And now for a Can I Laugh Now? story that didn’t survive the distance…

“Verbal Consent”

Laugher:  Princess

Home:  Memphis, TN

Princess meets her boyfriend in college. She is older, much older (she’s a senior; he’s a freshman = red flag). So of course she graduates and moves away to start law school. So their college romance becomes a long distance one.

Everything is going fine, until Princess starts to notice one particular young lady (we will call her FB Vixen) making very suggestive Facebook wall posts about Princess’s boyfriend (Facebook will get you every time).

Around this time Princess returns to her alma mater to visit friends and her boyfriend. She decides to do a little digging to get the full story behind FB Vixen. Well Princess does not have to dig long. (In the words of a wise wife…never go digging because you will always find something you don’t like!) What Princess finds are IM’s where her boyfriend goes back and forth with the FB Vixen going into detail about a late night hookup.

Princess then decides to question her boyfriend about the girl. He denies knowing her. (Of course) Princess then shows him the IM’s. (His memory returns. Lol!) His account of the night:  FB Vixen took advantage of me while I was drunk. Princess, knowing her boyfriend is full of sh**, tells him that if this is true then he should press charges against FB Vixen for sexual assault (wow). And if he does this, she will forgive him. He of course is very hesitant which Princess later finds out is because there was more than one late night hookup with FB Vixen.

Princess decides it is time to hear from the other party. Now, let’s clarify. Princess is not confronting FB Vixen because of her trifling actions with her boyfriend; Princess is confronting FB Vixen for her disrespectful behavior on FB. Comments like, “what’s hers is mine, and what’s mine is mine.” (That kind of nonsense) The boyfriend convinces FB Vixen to come by his room where Princess is waiting. Princess then questions FB Vixen about her wall posts. FB Vixen denies the posts. (Of course) Princess then uncovers her laptop showing the FB posts. (I will now present Exhibit A!)

(Time for closing remarks) Princess makes FB Vixen one request, “Give me one reason why I should not beat your a**.” Unfortunately, FB Vixen does not provide an answer, so Princess commences to beating her a**! Princess sees it as FB Vixen gave her verbal consent. Lol! (I know that I am laughing, but CILN does Not condone violence.)

The boyfriend breaks up the fight. Though I don’t know if I would call it a fight, seeing as it was one sided. It was more like a beat down! FB Vixen flees the room leaving her keys, hat, life, etc. Her friends soon arrive to claim her belongings, which Princess has already thrown into the men restroom’s trash.

For awhile Princess was unable to see the humor in this story, but now she can look back and laugh. And that, Laughers, is what we are all about! So did the relationship demise due to the distance, or was it due to a lack of judgement on the boyfriend’s part? I guess you will have to ask him. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for comment. Lol!

*To watch the video blog for “Verbal Consent” click the link http://www.youtube.com/user/canilaughnow?feature=mhee

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle