Turning The Table

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Everyone knows that scripture, Proverbs 18:22, and has referred to it when talking about dating. Many interpret this scripture to mean that if a man seeks and finds a wife then that’s a good thing. But a woman should never be looking for a husband. Many people, women especially, take this meaning literally and believe it is the man’s job to find her. I was talking to an associate of mine and she said, and I quote, “Women didn’t have rights back then so having a wife would be the same as having a slave around the house. It makes the man’s life so much better.” That’s when I gave the infamous side eye and walked away silently. Others have stated that this scripture is largely misunderstood. They say that it doesn’t matter who does the ‘seeking’ as long as they meet and are equally yoked. I agree with that theory, to a certain extent.

I’m a big fan of Steve Harvey, who calls himself the CLO (Chief Love Officer). Mr. Harvey says that men are chasers and the woman should allow themselves to be chased. As much as most women want to be married, it is believed that we should just sit back and relax and our future husbands discover us. And I say most women because, if you’ve been following my blogs, you know that right now I have no desire to be married. Mr. Harvey says, “Ladies, Mr. Right is looking for you way harder than you are looking for him. Just let him know that you are available.” Now my question to Mr. Harvey is, how do we let ‘him’ know that we’re available without approaching him?

steve harvey2

I would never go against or question the word of God. What I do believe is that there nothing wrong with going for what you want. Now I mean that women should throw themselves at a man, but you should let him know you’re available like Mr. Harvey said. But how do we do that? Well, I’m a fan of having a middle man, meaning I’m not going to send my friend over to tell a man I’m interested. I might, however, use my friend, or someone that knows my ‘person of interest’, to get all the details I need before I make my move. But what should my move be? Do I just walk up to him and say, “Hey, I like you.” Or should I go old school and write him a letter, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes □ no □ or maybe □.” Since I hate rejection, like everyone else, I often don’t reveal when I like someone, unless I know he likes me too. That sounds so high school-ish right? Yeah, I know but it’s true. Most people live by the rule “it’s better to try and fail than fail to try.” I don’t live by that rule. And my flirting methods aren’t that effective. Most times guys just think I’m being nice, not flirting, by having a conversation with them. So what do I do and is it okay for me to make the first move. What better way to get the answers to those questions than to ask a few men how they feel about being approached by a woman and having her make the first move.

After listening to what Mr. Harvey has to say about relationships I was expecting completely different responses from my male friends. The question that I asked:

“How do you feel about a woman approaching you making it known that she’s feeling you? Would you rather her not make the first move and does that make her look thirsty if she does?”

“It wouldn’t bother me. I’m shy anyway so it would make it easier for me if she approached me first. Whether she comes off as thirsty or desperate depends on pursuit. If she’s overly aggressive that’s unattractive. She can express her interest in a subtle but clear way. We [men] don’t pick up on hints too well so the woman needs to make her intentions clear.” ~ EB

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It makes it hard if it’s someone I don’t like in return then that makes it hard. But men put themselves out there all the time and get rejected so I guess it’s no different. What I don’t want is for her to ask me out on a date. If I like her then I feel like it’s my job to ask her out and court her in the beginning. I’m old school I guess, but I definitely don’t have a problem with a woman expressing her interest.” ~ TW

“I would be flattered if someone expressed an interest in me. It’s like wow someone actually likes me, lol. It would be a nice change from me be the seeker all the time. Now I do believe in the chase. I don’t want a woman to just put everything on the table for me, leave something to the imagination. But there’s nothing wrong with making your interest known, male or female.” ~ CW

steve harvey1

I guess Mr. Harvey was right, you have to leave space for a guy to be a guy. So ladies the lesson of the day is, if a fellow catches your eye and holds your attention for more than just the initial first look, it’s okay for you to make your interest known. And how do you that without coming off too aggressive or looking thirsty? Well, you just say it. You don’t stalk him, or blow up his inbox on Facebook, or like ALL of his pics on Instagram (including pics from 20 weeks ago because them he will know you’ve been stalking him). Just like one of his pics once a week so he sees your name pop up in your notifications. And once you’ve put yourself out there, let him make the first move. If he’s interested he’ll bite, if not then take your cake to someone who will appreciate the flavor. Okay that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Now I just have to apply this to my own life because I’ve had my eye on someone for a while now. I’ll be back with an update soon. 😉

As Always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Things You Don’t Need To Know: Mother’s Day Edition

View More: http://trunettaatwater.pass.us/markittag

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Do you sometimes ask your mom questions about her past? Maybe about things that happened before you were born? Like, Have you ever smoked weed?, Did you ever sneak out of the house?, We’re you a virgin before you met my father? A lot of us wonder what our mothers were like before we came along. We like to think that our mothers are perfect but, ummm, that’s just not a realistic thought. Just like we’ve done things that we aren’t so proud of and mistakes, some more than others (I’m talking about myself), our mothers made some mistakes too. There are things that they would never want you to find out because maybe they’re embarrassed or they don’t want you to follow in their footsteps. But I think in a lot of cases, if parents were more open about SOME of their past mistakes, they could actually help their children through similar situations or maybe even prevent them from going through the same thing. So in honor of Mother’s Day I found a few mothers that were brave enough to share some of their past experiences with me. Not brave enough to let me share their names, but brave none the less. Check them out:

The Dentist Is My Friend ~ by T.

dental_chair

“When I was younger I dated this guy whose dad had his own janitorial business, so he had keys to several offices in our town. My boyfriend would get his dad’s keys and we would go to different places and have sex. It really didn’t matter where because we would basically do it anywhere. But there was one place we seemed to visit often, the dentist office. One day when I was taking my son to his dental appointment with his new dentist, I thought I recognized the address but couldn’t figure out if I had been there before. Once we got inside I realized this was the same dentist office me and my ex use to visit to have sex. And my son and I actually sat in the same area that our little ‘adventures’ took place. I would die if he ever knew that his mom had sex in the same office where he gets his teeth cleaned.”

Mommy’s A Liar ~ by J.

th

“When I was in high school I would go midnight bowling all the time. Well, at least that’s where my parents thought I was going. I was really out with my friends going to different bars. I thought I was getting away with it, but I later found out that my mom kind of suspected that I wasn’t really bowling. But my dad totally believed I was into bowling. So much so, that I later found out he was going to buy me my own bowling ball and bag. My mom later told me she was so close to letting him buy it for me just so I would have to drag that heavy thing with me every time I claimed to go bowling. I would never want my kids to know that I was lying about my whereabouts every time I left home. And it’s scary to think that they would ever lie about where they are when they start going out with their friends.”

THOT ~ by C.

one+woman+many+men+picture

“I have dated a lot of men. Over the period of a few years I can count at least 34 men that I have dated. And I’m 34 years old now. Of course I did not have all of these men around my son, but for a while I was ‘out there.’ I wouldn’t want my son to know that I was a THOT…That Hoe Over There.”

I Maced Your Father ~ by S.

Pepper Spray

“My relationship with my kids father has always been, for lack of a better word, rocky. We had an on and off again relationship. When he acted like a good human being we were together and happy, when he cheated with other women and even made a baby with someone else we would be broken up. Well one night my girls and I decided to hang out at a local club. Well, we hung out in the parking lot because, like most of the people hanging out in the parking lot, we weren’t old enough get in. What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend was also in the parking lot and he had another girl in his car. Of course I flipped out, although you would think I’d use to this behavior by now. We got into an argument and I ended up spraying him in the face with the mace I had attached to my key ring. We are not together today because I was finally smart enough to walk away. And I do not talk bad about him in front of my children because I never want them to know what kind relationship I had with their father. I don’t want to paint a bad picture of him and I definitely do not want them to think that I was stupid for putting up with his mess, LOL.”

Petty Theft ~ By M.

shoplifting

“When I was younger I hung out with these two girls that were a really bad influence. We went to a store together one day and after we returned home one of them pulled out a pair of earrings she had stolen. I was shocked that she stole something and amazed that it was that easy to get away with it. We started going to various stores and shoplifting. We would take a shirt or a pair of pants. Well one day, unknown to us, store security was watching us. As we left the store security stopped us and we were escorted back into the store. Long story short we spent the night in jail. We were charged with misdemeanor theft and had to pay fines, given community service, and we were put on probation for one year. That’s why it’s so important for me to know my kid’s friends. I need to know who they are hanging around and where they are going when they leave the house. I don’t want them to have any bad influences that will lead to them making a stupid mistake that could follow them for years. I also don’t want them to be the bad influence on someone else, which is why I do my best to make sure they know right from wrong and the consequences of doing wrong.”

Taking The Back Roads ~ by K.

"Will it take you long to fix it ?.I have to be home in twenty minutes."

“One day after school I went to visit my boyfriend, one my parents didn’t know about. When I left I was rushing home because it was almost time for my mom to be home. On my way home my car stopped on a back road that I didn’t have any business being on because it was coming from my boyfriend’s house. Of course I had to call my mom. When she asked me why I was on that back road I told her that a police car was behind me so I turned onto another because I was nervous that he was going to give me a ticket. Well, my fuel pump had gone out on my car and I went like a month without a car because my mom made me save the money to have my car fixed. Something always goes wrong when you’re doing something that you’re not suppose to be doing. I wouldn’t want my son to know that I had relationships that my parents didn’t know about. I wouldn’t want him hiding anything like that from me. And my car stopping on that back road could have been a worse situation than it was if I didn’t have a way to call for help.”

WOW! You mothers are something else! But we’ve all done some things that we aren’t proud of. It’s called life! I know there are some things I would never want my kids to know but thankfully I’m never having kids so I won’t have to worry about that. But if I did have children, and they can read, ummmmm since mommy is a blogger that puts ALL of business out there for the world to read about…they will be able to read about all of my stupid mistakes. And I think I would be okay with that. If it helps them to know that mommy went through the same thing they may be currently going through, I’m fine with them knowing about the time I played the fool for a guy…several guys. Oh geez! Happy Mother’s Day Laughers!

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

When Your Broken Heart Becomes Your Fault

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Girl meets boys. Girl and boy fall in love. Things are good for one or two years. Things suddenly start to change. Boy or girl is no longer in love. Boy and girl go their separate ways. Girl or boy is confused and blindsided…didn’t see this coming. Or did they? Let’s go back a few months and take a look at what may have transpired. Remember that one time her phone rang and she took the call in the other room? And how that started happening more regularly, when she normally has no problem taking calls in front of you no matter who it is? Or how you usually see him almost every day of the week and now you see him maybe three or four days out of the week…if he has time? Oh, or what about the first time you suspected he was lying to you about where he was and what he did the night before, but you dismissed it because you didn’t want to believe that he would actually lie to your face! Yep! There are always signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. The signs are sometimes subtle, but sometimes HUGE! They smack us in the face like the smell of your grandma cooking chitterlings in the summer time. We see the changes taking place but we hope that we can do something to bring things back to normal…the way it was when you both were in love with each other. We don’t realize that the longer we ignore the problems the worse those problems become. And sometimes we set ourselves up for a heartbreak. How is that possible you ask? Well, we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will not have a happy ending.

pic1

Take me for example, because y’all know I’ve put myself in some questionable situations. A few years ago I was in ‘like’ with this guy. We weren’t in a relationship or even dating. But we had a strong like for each other. We talked everyday, he came to visit me at work regularly, and I even stayed up all night texting him while he was at work. Yep, I sacrificed sleep just to talk to him! It felt like we were teenagers, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up the phone. I thought that since we were taking the time to really get to know each, without being around each other all the time and not even being close to being intimate, that we were starting off on the right foot. We weren’t being distracted by lust because we weren’t spending time together alone. We were sharing a different type of intimacy. HA! Corny right? I know, I know. But just keep reading because there was a very good reason why we were never alone together or went out on dates or never even seen together in public. He wasn’t 100 percent available…he was engaged to be married…and not to me. And yes I knew this before I got ‘involved’ in this situation with him! But I continued to talk to him every day, staying up all night texting him while he was at work. I believed the things he told me about his current relationship, and then I got my heart broken. I logged on to Facebook one day and I saw wedding pictures…his wedding pictures…I talked to him the day before his wedding and he never mentioned the fact that he was getting married the next day. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe that he was such a coward to not tell me he was about to walk down the aisle. I thought we meant more to each other and he had more respect for me to hurt me like that. LOL, yeah I know that’s funny right? I had to laugh at myself on that thought. But wait! Should he have given me the heads up that he was getting married? I mean, I knew he was engaged and marriage is what usually follows. Truth is he didn’t owe me anything. A warning about his upcoming wedding, an explanation, an apology…NOTHING! My broken heart was now my fault. So often we go through relationships with our love shades on. Just like our Ray Bans, Nine West, and for some of us Prada shades, blocks the sun, our love shades block the lies, excuses and infidelity. They block the lack of interest from our partner. They block the true personalities and characters of our significant other. We wear them inside and outside, making people look at us thinking that we are confused. You know those people who wear their shades inside or even when there is no sun out? Or people who take selfies with their shades on…or the dude that always wears a hat because he just doesn’t look the same without it.They refuse to remove these items because they seem to make everything look better. Some tend to think they can change a person if they stick by them, love them through their mess. Hmph! When a person shows you over and over again who they are, and you still don’t believe them…your broken heart becomes YOUR FAULT! pic3 So how do we stop breaking our own hearts? Simple..stop settling! Recognize that you deserve better and do not settle for less than what you want. You think that what you have now is the best you can do. No ma’am! God wants more for you in EVERY area of your life. Your career, your education, your family, your friends and your relationships. He does want us to settle for less, when He wants to give us the best. But we have to let go so we can grasp what He has waiting for us. We should NEVER let a man or woman have to tell us twice that they don’t want us!

pic2

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Little People, Big World

logo

Turning Laughter Into Pain Since 2011

Let’s face it, when it comes to dating, size matters.  Wipe that smirk off your face, when I say size I mean height. Children measuring height  Unfortunately, what first attracts us to a person is looks.  As much as people like to say “it doesn’t matter what a person looks like”, we all have something that we like about and look for physically in a potential mate.  Whether you’re a leg or butt man, or a woman that is attracted to muscles or a man’s eyes, looks play at least a small role in what draws you to a person.  But what about height?  Do you have a height requirement when dating?  Can a person be too tall or too short?  Does your height determine your character or how one will conduct themselves in a relationship?  I mean surely you can’t judge a person based on their height.

I’ve noticed that most men do not care about height, unless they are what is considered short for a man.  Those men that are height challenged seem to associate height with their ego or manhood.  They feel as if a woman that is taller than them might make them look less like the one who wears the pants in the relationship, taking away from their manhood.  Women equate height with protection.  We want to feel like our man can protect us.  So if he isn’t taller than us AFTER we put on put on our heels, he probably won’t make the cut.  Except for Kevin Hart’s girlfriend, she loves him even with her heels on.  She LOVES her little person!  Just kidding, I love Kevin Hart and he looks extremely happy whenever he’s with his girl, height challenge and all.

kevin-hart-eniko-parish

I have a few male friends that are height challenged.  I mean I’m barely hitting 5’0 myself so I don’t hang around a lot of giants.  I choose not to be the midget of the group so I stick to my own kind.  But one friend in particular is currently pursuing a girl that is taller than him.  Not that I don’t think he is man enough to handle her, it’s just odd to picture them together.  So when I mentioned this subject to some of my Laughers, tall and short, they had an opinion about it too.

The Male Perspective

“I think the height should be close, give or take 3 – 4 inches.  The tallest I’ve dated was 6’4 and the shortest was 5’2…it just didn’t look right.”  ~S.H.

“I don’t want to date a woman way taller than me.  It’s a little awkward for me–like a circus act.”  ~E.B.

“My height helps me.  Women love my height but to me it doesn’t matter, it’s all about heart.  If the heart is good then the height doesn’t matter.” ~B.J.

“Height doesn’t matter to me.  I got a 6 ft side chick right now…she’s 6’3 with heels.”  ~C.C.

The Women Speak

“In dating, height matters because you have personal preferences and you are just getting to know them.  Now me personally, I just want you to be taller than me, and I’m short so it really hasn’t been an issue finding that.”  ~R.H.

“You can’t protect me if you’re shorter than me.”  ~C.B.

“Height shouldn’t matter but it does.  Whoever I date has to be at least the same height as me with heels on.  I just don’t feel comfortable with a short man.  I want to feel like my man can protect me if I’m in danger and I just wouldn’t feel secure with someone short.”  ~A.N.G.

“It shouldn’t matter but honestly, and this may sound shallow, we’re usually initially attracted to people because of their appearance: physique, build and height are things that we look at.  I don’t want to be towering over my man.  I want to feel protected and safe and a short man makes me feel like he can’t supply those things.  But I do know that a short man is very capable of doing those things.”  ~A.G.

“For me height does matter.  I’m almost 6 ft tall and I prefer a man to be at least my height or taller.  I’m not saying that I would never give a short guy a chance, but it’s not my first choice.  I like the idea of being able to wear heels and not hovering over my date.”  ~L.K.

So as you can see the men are pretty divided on the issue of height.  But I will say the two that said height DOES matter are both what I consider height challenged.  LOL!  Now the ladies all have the same concern that I stated before, protection.  We, for some reason, think height means we are safe and protected.  Now before all the short men jump out of their clown car and attack me, let me just state a few things in your favor.  I am very well aware that just because a guy is tall or taller than the woman he is dating, that doesn’t mean he could protect her any better than someone shorter.  I have personally witnessed the strength of one of my height challenged male friends.  I have also seen one of my height challenged male friends jump in and pull a child out of the pool when she started to go under.  So I know that height has nothing to do with the strength, heart and integrity of a man.  But, unfortunately, most of us would prefer a tall man, or at least taller than us.

Me personally, I prefer someone Usher’s height, build, skin color….aw hell I prefer Usher himself!  Big ups to all my short Laughers…male or female we have to stick together.  We’re just little people in a big world.

Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Funny Friday: “Rodney?!” and “We Must be Early”

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

“Resist him, standing firm in faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5: 9-11

Here’s a quick laugh from two of our Laughers!

Rodney?!

Laugher:  Justin from Memphis, TN

Premise:  Got his hopes up!

*It’s Justin’s junior year of high school and he has a crush on an upperclassman

*He is too nervous to say anything for fear of rejection, so luckily for Justin his crush approaches him one day for advice

*She reveals to Justin that she has a crush on a younger guy and doesn’t know if she should tell him since dating underclassmen is frowned upon

*Justin (thinking his crush is talking about him) convinces her to be bold (even though he isn’t) and go talk to the guy she has a crush on

*Justin sees his crush the next day with a huge smile on her face

Justin:  Hey, why are you so happy? What’s going on?

Crush:  I took your advice. I go out with Rodney now!

Justin: RODNEY?!

Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that we have all been there at one time or another. Thinking our crush is talking about us only to see him/her with someone else the next day. I feel your pain, Justin!

Lesson Learned:

Be direct! Justin says he ended up being rejected anyway, at least if he was direct and told her how he felt up-front, he wouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

Justin shares his story with me:  Rodney?!

*Extra:  I bet you didn’t know that Justin was Ivory Bishop

Our next Laugher learned a valuable lesson about being on time!

“We Must Be Early”

Laugher:  Megan 

Premise:  Better late than never…not in this case!

*Megan’s hard work has paid off and her publication has been nominated for an award

*She and her mom get all dolled up from head to toe and head to the awards ceremony

*They quickly notice that no one is there

*Megan tells her mother, “We must be early.” Megan pulls the tickets out of her purse to discover that the event was actually the night before!

Megan says that luckily she did not win the award; otherwise, she would have missed out on a great experience.

Lesson Learned:

Since Megan is starting to gain recognition she says that she has to pay extra attention to detail! She’s big time but she hasn’t reached personal assistant status yet! Lol. Megan says that she and her mother still laugh about that night to this day. They definitely gave new meaning to “all dressed up with nowhere to go”!

Megan shares her story with Kitta:  We Must Be Early

Check out Megan’s magazine: Divine Magazine

Become a part of the movement!

Have a funny story to share? Send it in and be featured in Can I Laugh Now?’s Funny Fridays!

*To submit a story, go to our website and click the “What’s so Funny?” tab at the top.

Until Next Time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

the R. Kelly said it all…

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:9

Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! Will you take heed or proceed full steam ahead?

Red flags. How many times have you ignored these warning signs of danger? Was the outcome really that disastrous? The following story sent in from one of our Laughers is a great example of MISCOMMUNICATION and misreading all the signs or in this case red flags! These two definitely had different agendas! Did she lead him on? Or was he just too thirsty? You decide…

Laugher:  Sister to the Night from Jackson, MS

Premise:  Came over for “drinks and conversation” (Is that what they call it these days? lol)

12 Play

*While bringing in groceries one night, Sister notices a note on her windshield. It is from her downstairs neighbor. The note says he thinks she is “cute” and would like to get to know her.

*After asking around about her neighbor she discovers that he is actually her friend’s cousin. Her friend speaks highly of him (of course) so Sister decides to contact him.

*They text back and forth occasionally, but never have a phone conversation.

*One night Sister decides to take him up on his offer to come over for drinks and conversation. (Red flag! Do you really go to his place for the first date? Girl, haven’t you watched Lifetime?!)

*Sister walks into his apartment and notices that all the lights are off with the exception of a few candles, the glow from the tv, and a dim light coming from his bedroom (red flag).

*He offers her a drink. She settles on wine. He chooses shots of Patron (red flag).

*Sister isn’t interested in the movie playing on tv and asks him to choose something else. He selects R. Kelly’s 12 Play concert (RED FLAG!)

*Somehow they get on the topic of massages and he offers Sister one. She agrees and he guides her to his bedroom which is filled with lighted candles and slow jams on the stereo (red flag).

*He asks her to remove her shirt. She does because she is wearing a tank underneath. (Do I need to say it?)

*As the massage proceeds he begins to kiss on her neck and ear. Sister is ok with the extra attention until he reaches for her pants zipper (Halt!) She quickly moves away his hand and lets him know that she only came back there for a massage.

*Sister gets up to turn around and to her surprise finds that her neighbor is naked! (“Buckey Naked” as she said, lol!)

*She quickly tells him nothing is going down and he seems surprised and frustrated (well, duh!)

Guy:  “Come on. We’re both into it. Let’s just finished what we started.”

Sister:  “I only came over here for drinks and conversation.”

Guy: “Come on; I won’t judge you. Baby, we’re both grown and we know what we want!” (We’ve all heard that one!)

*Sister laughs to herself because he really thinks she is going to fall for that bull. Sister has heard enough. She grabs her shirt and shoes and heads for the door. Her neighbor is standing there in disbelief (still naked! lol).

*He walks her to the door, hands her purse, and lets her out.

*As soon as Sister makes it back upstairs to her apartment she grabs her phone to let her friend know all about this “great guy” she insisted Sister get to know.

*Before she can dial her friend, she receives a text from the neighbor:  “Could you at least come back and ‘fondle’ me as a courtesy?” (FYI:  he did not use the word “fondle”)

Lmbo! Wow! Can’t blame the guy for trying! *Oh, and she did not go back down there. In case you were wondering. Lol!

At the time Sister to the Night was “pissed” but she laughs harder and harder each time she tells this story. She says, “This situation could have easily turned into a bad situation, but I’m blessed that it didn’t, and I can just add it to one of my many life’s lessons. Every time I hear the words massage or R. Kelly, I can’t help but to think about that night and laugh!”

We are so00 glad that Sister to the Night is able to look back on this and laugh because she really put herself in a compromising situation!

Sister to the Night considered these her “Lessons Learned”

1. Use your own judgment instead of the opinions of others when getting to know a person.

2. Try to have several verbal conversations with a person before actually going over to his residence (Stop texting; call me!)

3. Try to avoid alcohol when meeting up with a person for the first time especially if you are meeting at his place (No Patron shots!)

4. Go with your intuition if you feel that there is something not quite right about a situation or person (R. Kelly? Really?)

So Laughers, what do you think? Was her neighbor out of line for stripping down to his birthday suit? Or was Sister to the Night unintentionally giving him the “green light”?

And to make sure that women don’t continue to send mixed messages… Men, what are some things a woman should NOT do if she has no intentions of sleeping with you? For example, should she accept that massage in your bedroom? (I can answer that, Heck No!)

Comment below!

Until Next Time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

*To watch the hilarious video to this story, click the “YouTube” tab on the top right. 

Just Call them Lessons Learned…from the Ex(s)

“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:9-11

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

LESSONS LEARNED…FROM THE EX’S

I called on some help from friends and family with this one. I wanted to compare and contrast the snidbits of wisdom men and women salvage from ended (I won’t say failed, sounds so harsh) relationships. So I asked:

What have you learned from your ex(s)?

Man:  Long distance relationships don’t work.

Woman:  People put time into the things they want regardless of what they say.

Man:  Never settle.

Woman:  A guy won’t do anything before he’s ready.

Man:  You have to understand “lady emotions.” (Lady emotions? Is it bad that I’m dating the guy who said this? lol)

Woman:  Trust your instincts.

Man:  Talk about the red flags you notice about her. (I was taught to take notice of red flags and RUN!)

Woman:  Don’t let the hot ones treat you like sh*t.

Man:  If your ex gives you her number w/o seeing or talking to you in a while and wants to “catch up,” write it down, ball it up in her face, throw it in the trash and walk away. (Wow!)

Woman:  He has to have a working relationship with God and not just be his Facebook friend. (Lol, I feel ya!)

Man:  Learn from your mistakes.

Woman:  9 times out of 10, he literally means what he says. (So stop reading into and analyzing what men tell you; he meant what he said!)

Man:  Don’t have sex too soon; make sure you know her first. (I mean really know her)

Woman:  I have the right to be 100% exclusive.

The most common response I received from men and women:  “Don’t rush into relationships!”

Well at least we agree on something! 🙂 

This scripture came to mind:  “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Let’s take our lessons learned and apply them, grow from them, and actually learn from them so that we don’t have to be taught the same ones again!

*So, what lessons have you learned from ex’s? I’d love to know! Post them below!

Speaking of lessons learned, our next Laugher learned an important lesson the hard way:  If he’s not completely single, stay away!

Laugher:  Kitta (yes, Kitta, your Laugh Coach!)

Premise:  Fell for a “married” man…well almost

Lesson Learned

*About 9 months ago (yeah this is still kind of fresh) Kitta revealed to her friend about a guy she was crushing on

*With Kitta’s permission, her friend disclosed all of this to the crush

*Even though the crush said he was “involved” he still contacted Kitta on Facebook (good ole Facebook)

*They soon began talking quite often (everyday) through Facebook and eventually over the phone

*Kitta soon discovered that her crush was not just “involved” but that he was actually engaged! (Wow)

*At this point Kitta had developed a friendship with him and didn’t see why that had to change. She also doubted this “engagement” because he never talked about his fiance. So Kitta and her crush kept up the friendship.

*Soon after, Kitta realized that her feelings had moved beyond friendship and that she had developed true feelings for him (which is what usually happens). This meant that she had now fallen for a man who was engaged to someone else. (Why do we do this to ourselves?)

*Despite the red flags going off in her head, Kitta continued the relationship with the guy. They reached the point of talking everyday; her day literally felt lacking if she hadn’t heard from him.

*Even though their relationship was never physical, Kitta still confessed that at times she felt like a side-chick.

*One day Kitta logged on to Facebook and noticed a status change on her guy’s wall. He was now listed at “married”! (Oh, boy)

*Kitta was devastated. Not because he was married (she knew that was coming eventually) but because he did not tell her. She had to find out on Facebook; she expected more from her friend than that.

*Kitta no longer has a friendship with him. Despite what you all may now think, she does value and honor marriage. (I got your back, girl!)

Kitta shared this story because she wants to own up to her part in her heartbreak. (Deep! Not an easy thing to do!) Too often she feels people place all the blame on the other person without taking any responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship.

So, Laughers, what do you think? Was Kitta wrong for putting herself in a position to fall for an engaged man? Do you consider her a side-chick? How do you feel about her owning up for her part in her heartbreak? Have you accepted responsibility for your role in your break-up? Here are some other ways we set ourselves up:

*Are you involved with someone you know has commitment phobia?

*Are you dating a person you stole from someone else? (It’s only a matter of time before karma catches up with you. IJS)

*Are you dating someone God didn’t give you the green light on?

We do it to ourselves all the time, getting involved with people we know we have no business being with…if (I’m not wishing bad mojo on you or myself) it blows up in your face, will you pass the blame or will you be like Kitta and own up to your mistake?

What would you do?

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

Want to watch Kitta share her laugh story? Of course you do! Click the link http://www.youtube.com/user/canilaughnow?feature=mhee 

Better Late than Never *Follow-up

“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:9

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing circumstances.

Mother knows best?

Better Late than Never *Follow-up

Hey, Laughers!

I promised you a follow-up to my last blog. So here it is. Since “Better Late than Never” my mom and I have started to hang out more. Now when we are together I view it as an opportunity to really connect with her instead of just killing time. Since the last blog, I realized that even though I felt that my mother and I didn’t have the typical “my mother is my best friend” relationship I still overlooked the basics she did for me as a mother:  caring for me when I was sick, praying for me, wanting the best for me, worrying about me over EVERYTHING, sacrificing for me, etc. Shirley Caesar’s “No Charge” helped me come to this realization. We actually went shopping together and because the mall was so crowded we ended up sharing a fitting room. I’ve NEVER done that before with anyone (I like my privacy). And it was actually fun. Not only did she give me feedback on my clothing selections but I actually wanted her feedback. I know strengthening our relationship is a process and it won’t happen overnight, but I am looking forward at this second chance at a friendship with my mom.

The key to my willingness to give our relationship an honest chance came from the realization that I had not forgiven my mother for things in the past. I was still holding on to hurt from incidents that happened over 4 years ago. While I said I had forgiven her (and a part of me thought I actually did) I was still holding onto resentment, and that resentment kept me from wanting to open up to her and be open to a deeper relationship with her. With the message of “Write It Off” still in my spirit from Sunday’s sermon, I went to my mother and let her know how I felt. And I told her I forgave her. And that I actually meant it this time. (Forgiving her wasn’t for her; it was for me. I could finally tear down that wall in my heart that kept me from wanting to develop a deeper relationship with my mom.) I really feel that my mother and I have turned a new page in our relationship. And I thank all of you for your support, your comments, and your prayers.

**Speaking of mothers, Can I Laugh Now? had the privilege of sitting down with Summer Owens, author of  Life After Birth:  A Memoir of Survival and Success as a Teenage Mother. But before we get into her book, Summer has a Can I Laugh Now? story she would like to share!

Who’s the side-chick?! Me or You?!

Laugher:  Summer from Memphis, TN

Premise:  Love Triangle Gone Wrong (But then again when do love triangles ever go right?)

*Summer meets a guy at a party and they hit it off.

*About 3 weeks in, Summer realizes that he is acting very weird. (After just 3 weeks?! Cut him loose!)

*So Summer decided to do the ultimate no-no…she searched through his phone! (Ladies and Gents, if you feel the need to snoop around then maybe you shouldn’t be dating this person. IJS.)

*And of course she finds something. One number shows up multiple times. And guess who it belongs to? His ex-girlfriend!

*Summer confronts her  boyfriend and he denies any and everything. And Summer stays with him. (Don’t judge, cause I’ve gone back too.)

*A couple of weeks later her suspicions return because he is constantly leaving the room to talk on the phone, etc. Summer, being the smart woman she is, kept the ex-girlfriend’s number and decides to call.

*Summer finds out that not only is her boyfriend still seeing his ex, he is also living with her! (Speechless)

*Surprisingly, the ex-girlfriend cops an attitude with Summer. Despite all of this Summer continues to stay with her boyfriend.

*They keep this love triangle up for quite some time. Summer and the ex-girlfriend going at it competing with each other. And the boyfriend lying to them both.

*Summer finally reaches her breaking point and decides to end the relationship.

Fast forward 4 yrs.

*Summer receives a call from her ex telling her that he is getting married (to the same girl). However, he doesn’t want to marry her. Summer isn’t surprised he doesn’t want to marry the other girl because he is always all over her (Summer) whenever they see each other out.

*He goes through with the marriage and even has the nerve to call Summer when he is on his way back from the wedding asking if he can come see her.

*Summer’s no home-wrecker so she tells her ex to kick rocks and enjoy his wife.

*Some time later Summer runs into her ex and his new wife. Seeing Summer they decide to kick the PDA (public display of affection) into overdrive. Summer even hears her ex and his wife laughing about her.

*Summer’s friends tell her she should be angry; Summer simply replies, “I’m laughing! If his wife only knew! She wouldn’t be laughing if she knew how he tries to get with me every time we run into each other!” (Summer definitely got the last laugh!)

Summer is happy. She’s enjoying the success of her new book and hasn’t given her ex another thought! That’s what I’m talking about!

*Laughers, have you ever been involved in a love triangle? If so, how did it turn out? And why do we always go after the other person? Why do we seem to let the one we are dating (and who is cheating on us get off the hook)?  Post your responses below.

 *To view the video for Summer’s story follow the links,

Summer’s Laugh Moment Part 1 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJT5Kdw7bcw

Summer’s Laugh Moment Part 2 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8jrKk9oK0w

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

Risk Taker?

The biggest risk (this new year) is not taking one.

Will she make it?

Ahhh, It’s that time once again. A new year.

“New Year! New Possibilities!” Blah, Blah, Blah. So cliché. Me, I’d rather look back on 2011 and reflect on the possibilities and opportunities I didn’t take. For some reason I opted out on several worthwhile opportunities. So this year I am going back (a big “no-no” I know) to reclaim them.

I’ll just be honest; I’m not a risk taker. Reason:  I fear failure. So to avoid the risk of failure I play it safe. I play it safe in all areas of my life:  career, relationships, spiritual life, fashion, you name it – I play it safe. Well no more.

The only resolution I made for 2012 was to leave all excuses behind, fear of failure being the dominant one. With excuses behind me, I am now embarking on the risks that I have always wanted to take.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain:  “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” Which is a more sophisticated way of saying that the only way to conquer your fears are to face them.

So here it is:

My Top 10 List of Fears/Risks I’m Conquering in the New Year:

10. Cut up my Macy’s card. Ok, I’ve actually already cut it up, but I still use it. Don’t judge me. So I’m going a step further and canceling my account.

9. Learn to cook. That’s right; I can’t cook. Wanna fight about it?

8. Cut my hair. Yeah, that’s not happening. I’ll dye it instead. Anyone know how to give me the Stacey Dash “Single Ladies” look?

7. Learn to shoot a firearm. You never know when the zombie apocalypse might hit.

6. Become a regular volunteer/employee at a local homeless shelter. I’ve known for a while now that my passion is serving the homeless; however, I have yet to do anything about it.

5. Walk the beach in a bikini WITHOUT a cover-up. *She wore an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie yellow polka-dot bikini…

4. Follow my own (yes, I know that was redundant) career aspirations, not those of my family, friends, or peers. This includes finishing my play and publishing a certain Dr. Seuss spoof (Chantavia, that was for you. Lol).

3. No sex for a year. Yeah, I said it. I’ve held out that long before; I can hold out again. As my pastor said New Year’s Eve, “We are too beautiful to settle for someone who is not our husband.” I needed to be reminded of that.

2. Love like I’ve never been hurt. This means leaving all my baggage, hang-ups, etc. at the door. Easier said than done but not impossible.

1. Give God my all. Yeah I give, serve, and do a lot but I know that I could do more. And I know that He has called me to do so much more. So, time to step it up and “live a life worthy of the calling I have received” (Ephesians 4: 1).

Whew! That’s my Top 10. What’s yours?

Until next time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle

*Do you like the blog? I know you do! So Subscribe by clicking the “Follow” tab. 🙂

Is “1” Really the Loneliest Number?

For all of you who find yourselves “single” this holiday season…cheer up! You’re in good company.

Bridget Jones' Diary

It’s that time of year again! That time of year where the temperature drops and your body temperature rises! Lol. It’s that time of year where you want to snuggle up next to that special someone (for some of you that special anyone). It’s also that time of year when the media bombards us with romantic comedies – New Year’s Eve – and back to back commercials of lovers expressing their affections for one another with expensive jewelry.

So I began to wonder:  Is being single really all that bad?

I mean, think about it. Most of us don’t have a problem being single until the holidays come around anyway.

First thing first:  We must end the negative connotation attached to the word “single.” Stop fleeing every time you see a “Singles” event. These are really fun ways to get out and meet people. They beat going to the club looking for a mate. (By the way, when’s the last time that has worked out for you?) So, the next time you see Speed Dating or Singles’ Bible Study, don’t frown up your nose. It’s all about your perspective. Speed Dating is a fun way to meet people and network, and who knows you might actually luck up and meet someone you’re interested in dating. And as far as Single Bible Study goes, it is not “just for ugly people” as my dad says. Pray for him. Lol. My bible study group focuses on bettering our relationships with Christ and bettering ourselves so that when that special someone comes along we won’t run him/her off with our issues. And we all have issues. (If you don’t think you have issues, ask your friends or your ex’s; they will gladly tell you!)

So here we go:  The Top 10 Reasons why being Single ain’t half bad!

10. Saves you money! Think about all the money you are going to save by not having to purchase gifts for a mate or for his/her parents.

9. You can come and go as you please. Most singles have a real problem adjusting to this once in a committed relationship. It’s hard to give up that freedom to do what you want, when you want, and with whom you want without any concern to how it will affect someone else. And it feels GOOD!

8. You avoid the emotional roller coaster! Meaning the ups and downs of a relationship including the times when you can’t eat, sleep, focus, etc. because your emotions are tied in a knot.

7. Adding on to #8, you avoid the risk of heartbreak. Period. Really needs no explanation. Though, I will say those who risk big, gain big.

6. Gives you time to get rid of your baggage. While single, take the time to do personal inventory. Reflect on past relationships and where you were at fault. And fix it! No need in taking baggage into the next relationship.

5. You can focus on your goals and dreams. A lot of times when we become romantically involved, we lose sight of our own desires as we sometimes take on the desires of our mates. It happens.

4. Sow your royal oats! Lol! Just playing (though this is what some of you do). Take advantage of being single and date! And by date I do not mean sleep around. But have fun. Meet people, different people and discover what you like and what you don’t like. Because once you settle down, no more of that woulda, coulda, shoulda. Trust me, a person gets tired of hearing that.

3. Adding on to #4, you’re just not ready. Do not enter a relationship if you know you are not ready. You do yourself and the other person a major disservice, and it’s only a matter of time before you or both of you are unhappy. If you’re not ready, you’re just not ready. No one can fault you for that if you are honest about it from the start.

2. You spend time getting to know (and love) you! It’s a chance to become comfortable in your singleness. I fear people who have always jumped from relationship to relationship. How do they know that they can function on their own?

1. You spend more time cultivating your relationship with God. The Bible actually views singleness as a more favorable status than marriage (1 Corinthians 7: 32-35). A single person, unconcerned about a spouse, can devote more time, energy, and attention to Christ.

See, being single really isn’t all that bad! Now get up off that couch and go enjoy it! Cause I promise you, there are couples out there wishing they were in your shoes! IJS!

Here’s a little homework:  If you have never gone anywhere by yourself (movie, lunch, dinner, event, party, sporting event, etc.) then I want you to conquer your fear, break out of your comfort zone, and take yourself out. Report back to me when accomplished. 🙂

*And for those of you who despite the advantages to being single still desire to be in a relationship, don’t lose hope! Love, joy, happiness, and peace all await you, but you’re not going to find it moping around the house. Get out there and claim it!

Until next time,

-Belle

*Here are a few Can I Laugh Now? videos to keep you busy until the new year:

“I’ve Got a Crush on You” Find out what happened when Kitta and I revealed our secret crushes!  http://youtu.be/vx00xp4Boeg

“Thanksgiving Special” See what silly things our viewers are thankful for this year.  http://youtu.be/3bmn8BoGaIc

“December Testimony Special” From drug dealer to youth pastor. See what amazing transformations only God can make! http://youtu.be/DoWfmaN5mYg