When Your Broken Heart Becomes Your Fault

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Girl meets boys. Girl and boy fall in love. Things are good for one or two years. Things suddenly start to change. Boy or girl is no longer in love. Boy and girl go their separate ways. Girl or boy is confused and blindsided…didn’t see this coming. Or did they? Let’s go back a few months and take a look at what may have transpired. Remember that one time her phone rang and she took the call in the other room? And how that started happening more regularly, when she normally has no problem taking calls in front of you no matter who it is? Or how you usually see him almost every day of the week and now you see him maybe three or four days out of the week…if he has time? Oh, or what about the first time you suspected he was lying to you about where he was and what he did the night before, but you dismissed it because you didn’t want to believe that he would actually lie to your face! Yep! There are always signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. The signs are sometimes subtle, but sometimes HUGE! They smack us in the face like the smell of your grandma cooking chitterlings in the summer time. We see the changes taking place but we hope that we can do something to bring things back to normal…the way it was when you both were in love with each other. We don’t realize that the longer we ignore the problems the worse those problems become. And sometimes we set ourselves up for a heartbreak. How is that possible you ask? Well, we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will not have a happy ending.

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Take me for example, because y’all know I’ve put myself in some questionable situations. A few years ago I was in ‘like’ with this guy. We weren’t in a relationship or even dating. But we had a strong like for each other. We talked everyday, he came to visit me at work regularly, and I even stayed up all night texting him while he was at work. Yep, I sacrificed sleep just to talk to him! It felt like we were teenagers, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up the phone. I thought that since we were taking the time to really get to know each, without being around each other all the time and not even being close to being intimate, that we were starting off on the right foot. We weren’t being distracted by lust because we weren’t spending time together alone. We were sharing a different type of intimacy. HA! Corny right? I know, I know. But just keep reading because there was a very good reason why we were never alone together or went out on dates or never even seen together in public. He wasn’t 100 percent available…he was engaged to be married…and not to me. And yes I knew this before I got ‘involved’ in this situation with him! But I continued to talk to him every day, staying up all night texting him while he was at work. I believed the things he told me about his current relationship, and then I got my heart broken. I logged on to Facebook one day and I saw wedding pictures…his wedding pictures…I talked to him the day before his wedding and he never mentioned the fact that he was getting married the next day. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe that he was such a coward to not tell me he was about to walk down the aisle. I thought we meant more to each other and he had more respect for me to hurt me like that. LOL, yeah I know that’s funny right? I had to laugh at myself on that thought. But wait! Should he have given me the heads up that he was getting married? I mean, I knew he was engaged and marriage is what usually follows. Truth is he didn’t owe me anything. A warning about his upcoming wedding, an explanation, an apology…NOTHING! My broken heart was now my fault. So often we go through relationships with our love shades on. Just like our Ray Bans, Nine West, and for some of us Prada shades, blocks the sun, our love shades block the lies, excuses and infidelity. They block the lack of interest from our partner. They block the true personalities and characters of our significant other. We wear them inside and outside, making people look at us thinking that we are confused. You know those people who wear their shades inside or even when there is no sun out? Or people who take selfies with their shades on…or the dude that always wears a hat because he just doesn’t look the same without it.They refuse to remove these items because they seem to make everything look better. Some tend to think they can change a person if they stick by them, love them through their mess. Hmph! When a person shows you over and over again who they are, and you still don’t believe them…your broken heart becomes YOUR FAULT! pic3 So how do we stop breaking our own hearts? Simple..stop settling! Recognize that you deserve better and do not settle for less than what you want. You think that what you have now is the best you can do. No ma’am! God wants more for you in EVERY area of your life. Your career, your education, your family, your friends and your relationships. He does want us to settle for less, when He wants to give us the best. But we have to let go so we can grasp what He has waiting for us. We should NEVER let a man or woman have to tell us twice that they don’t want us!

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Now Hiring – Temporary Positions Available

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Wifey

A REAL lady, not your only but your favorite, different from them hood rat chicks. Sexy in every way possible, when she smiles it’s sexy, even when she’s mad at you it’s sexy.

Hubby

May refer to a woman’s partner who has the potential of becoming her future husband.

I get so annoyed when I hear someone refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend as hubby and wifey . When did it become okay to take the title of a marriage mate without actually being married? According to urban dictionary, a hubby or wifey is someone who has the potential of becoming a person’s husband or wife. How many “potentials” have you dated? Most of us have dated at least 2 or 3 in our lifetime. Throughout our lives most of us go through a few relationships before we find the one, if we’re ever so fortunate to find the one. Some of those relationships are going to be serious, having the potential to lead to marriage. So do we give every boyfriend/girlfriend we have the title of hubby or wifey? If we assign this term so freely, what makes it special? What distinguishes the one who could truly potentially be your marriage mate from those other ‘dudes’ or ‘chicks’?

I’m a fan of Kevin Hart but I have a problem with him calling his live in girlfriend his ‘rib’. Kevin recently divorced his ex-wife, Torrie Hart, because he cheated on her. The girl he cheated with…his now live in girlfriend that he refers to as “his rib”.  What the…?! Now of course I do not personally know Kevin Hart, his ex-wife, or “his rib”, but it seems like this girlfriend conveniently came along at the peak of his career.  So how did she earn the title of ‘rib’? Torrie Hart was asked in a recent interview how she felt about the term ‘rib’:

“It’s easy to be someone’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can. Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams. That’s what ribs do!”

I agree with Torrie. You cannot just assign someone a title and expect them to become the title. You have to earn the title of hubby and wifey…husband and wife. Genesis 2: 21 – 24 gives the true definition of a ‘rib’. God removed one of Adam’s ribs and created Eve.  Adam exclaimed, “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” Verse 24 goes on to say this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

After Torrie spoke her mind, Kevin’s ‘rib’ had a lot to say. She took to Instagram to post some pics that seemed to be aimed directly towards Kevin’s ex-wife. She also made comments about how classy she is compared to Torrie. How bold of her!!! Classy knows that a married man is OFF LIMITS! You started a relationship with a then married man and you think you have the right to throw shots at his now ex-wife?! It’s funny how women always think that they are better than the last woman in his life. What happened to her can SURELY happen to you. Remember, how you get them is usually how you lose them. I’m sensing that some of you don’t believe fat meat is greasy so let me give you a real life, it happened to ME, scenario.

I started “dating” this guy a few years ago. I put “dating” in quotations because I really do not know what we were doing. I was dating him but I’m sure he wasn’t dating me. Anyway, I met him because he and an old associate of mine were…well…I’m not sure what they were doing, but I do know she liked him first. Well, eventually he pulled away from her and gravitated to me. I was indeed in-love with this guy. Of course we didn’t stay together. And guess how I ultimately lost him? He met and started dating a girl that was dating one of his friends at the time. He married her. See how greasy that fat meat is? How you get them is usually how you lose them.

To Kevin’s girlfriend and all the self-proclaimed side chicks or temporary position holders, remember the position you chose…yes, you chose that position. Kevin’s girlfriend was a side chick that turned into a girlfriend. That means her side chick position is now open. When he promoted her to girlfriend, he posted a sign in the window that reads, “Now Hiring – Temporary Positions Available.” Stop giving out what should be permanent titles or positions to temporary people. And stop accepting these titles from temporary people.

Check out this little funny that was posted on a pic on Kevin’s Hart’s girlfriend’s Instagram

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As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

It’s easy to be somebody’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can.

Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams.
Read more at http://tattletailzz.com/torrei-hart-speaks-truth-about-ex-husband-kevin-hart-calling-his-current-girl-his-rib/#CcHdmMXsvSWPcS7f.99

It’s easy to be somebody’s rib when you’re a millionaire. That’s just me being as honest as I can.

Me, for instance; you’re working at City Sports and I’m taking you to your shows, you’re driving my car, you’re crashing my car several times, and I’m still there for you, supporting you, went out and got a job for the phone company and still making sure I got your back so you can pursue your dreams.
Read more at http://tattletailzz.com/torrei-hart-speaks-truth-about-ex-husband-kevin-hart-calling-his-current-girl-his-rib/#CcHdmMXsvSWPcS7f.99

Why I’m Single

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few days ago I was standing in front of the mirror snapping pictures of myself trying to take the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. I must have snapped at least 30 shoots before I had one that I liked and was presentable enough for everyone else to see. If you check my Instagram page you will see that I have posted very few pictures of myself. The rare times that I do post a pic of myself I go through the process of finding the perfect lighting and usually snap pics for about 10 minutes before I have one that I almost like. And if I stare at it for more than 5 minutes I can find at least 3 things wrong with it and I no longer almost like it. But, during this process a few days ago I realized why I’m single. Well I realized the biggest reason that I’m single, because there’s more than one reason. I, Markitta Michelle Garner, have a self-image problem. My mental picture of myself is poor. After doing a little research I was surprised to discover that many people with type A personality tend to have a poor self-image. Those with type A personality tend to be ambitious, impatient, truthful, sensitive and always try to help others. I should get a Type A Personality t-shirt made and wear it everyday.

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I am constantly promoting Team Single. I never miss the opportunity to let the world know how happy I am with my single status, and I am happy being single. I am in no rush to be boo’ed up. But I also have to be honest with myself about one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to stay single for so long. It’s not that I don’t go out or that no one shows interest, or the excuse that a lot of women in my small town like to use, “There are no good men in this city.” I’m sure there are plenty of good men in my area. My why is my self-image. How I see myself is not the same as how others say they see me. When I’m at home getting dressed for work or a night out with my girls. I have a little confidence. But once I step over the threshold of my front door, that confidence level quickly diminishes.

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Phot cred: Trunetta Atwater http://www.trunettaatwater.com

 I’m pretty as long as I’m the only one and there’s no competition. I’m pretty until I’m among my friends who exude a natural beauty…a beauty that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pretty until I’m surrounded by other women that I’m constantly comparing myself to. I’m pretty until I step on the scale. I’m pretty until someone wants to take a picture with me. I can’t tell you where my self-image issues come from because I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that I compare myself to others a lot and I’m sure if I stopped doing that I would probably like myself a lot more. So I guess my issues come from my own insecurities. I definitely do not lack people in my life, male and female, that tell me I’m beautiful inside and out. The problem is I don’t believe them. It’s kind of like when you’re mom tells you you’re pretty…I feel like they’re saying it because they’re my friends, not because they really mean it.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not looking for validation from a man. I love myself enough not to settle or let someone belittle or disrespect me, but I don’t always like myself. I’m single because I don’t feel attractive. And if I don’t feel attractive I can’t attract anyone else. I’m single because I literally don’t want a man to hug me or touch me in any way because I don’t have the perfect body. I’m single because I feel like if any man gets to close he’ll see all my imperfections.

My friends recently asked me if them telling me that I’m pretty make a difference and the answer is no. You can tell someone something a thousand times, but until they can see it for themselves you’re wasting your breath. Other people’s opinion of me shouldn’t shape how I feel about myself. I have to change my mental perception and realize that God made everything beautiful, including me. So in an effort to reverse my self-image I am going to look in the mirror every morning and repeat Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

I am currently reading the book Glamour Girl: How To Get The Ultimate Makeover! by Megan Mottley. One of my favorite quotes the book reads, “Problems arise when we compare ourselves to others as well as what we constantly see on television, in magazines, and so forth. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors and no one is better than the other. Our society has defined beauty, fashion, music, religion and many other factors to be a certain way and anything else is ugly, not stylish or just plain wrong. The key is to define your own style and attitude, while taking only a few tips from magazines, television or the people you observe on a daily basis.”

Summer 2007

I know I’m not the only one struggling with their self-image. To all my beauties, “you are created in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile.” ~Vicky Courtney http://www.focusonthefamily.com

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To purchase the Glamour Girl book visit The Glamour Girl Movement

As always…Keep Laughing!

Follow me: Twitter
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Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Why Does He Stay?!

Markitta-1011ad

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

At some point all of us good girls have looked at “bad girls” and wondered why that type of girl always seems to get the guy. You know, the girl that is not so nice of a human being. The one who has a reputation for getting it in, has multiple baby daddies, cares more about partying than taking care of business, and doesn’t even really keep herself up. And the guy that most consider to be a “good guy” is the one that is drawn to her and seems to get attached and falls in love. The freak?! And yes I’m calling myself a good girl. Don’t judge me on my past, just take my word for it TODAY.

I can give you several examples but to keep your attention I’ll just talk about one situation that I am familiar with. I have an associate that I’ve known for about 15 years now. He’s been married for a while now and their relationship has been filled with enough drama to have at least 3 good drama filled seasons of a VH1 or Bravo TV reality show. They break up, she kicks him out, she changes the lock, they get back together. This is their pattern. They also have three kids, of which only one is his. Yes, she conceived all three of these children while they were together and yes he knows that they all have different fathers. Now that alone would send most men packing, but not this guy. And what I thought was going to be the last straw, but it wasn’t, was when she falsely accused him of hitting her and had him arrested in front of their children. But I guess he still has a more straws to suck on before he’s had enough. One week later I saw them together at the mall. He was so embarrassed when he saw me that he held his head down and didn’t even speak. Now don’t get me wrong, I know they are married and marriage is suppose to be for life…that’s the vow they made before God. But I do not believe that God intended for us live our lives unhappy. And I’m pretty sure he has done his share of dirt, but how much is too much? I’ve seen how unhappy he is and his excuse for staying…the kids. He says he doesn’t want to leave his kids and wants them to grow up with a mother AND father.

Kudos to him for wanting his children to have an active father but I think he is doing more damage by staying in this dysfunctional situation than he would do if he left. You can still be a father to your kids without being in a relationship with the mother. I know some men think it’s not possible but it is. So along with wanting the best for your kids, when do you start to think about yourself?

  2.7.12.parentsfighting  Is it in your kids best interest to see you move out every other month and have their mother change the locks? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father being handcuffed and arrested? Is it in your kids best interest to see their father unhappy? This is the most common excuse I hear from men that are in unhappy relationships. They stay because of their kids.

ds_img_direct.php I think that reasoning is just a lame excuse, so let me just be Kitta and say what’s really on my mind. There are a lot of men have that “captain save a hoe” mentality. They see a woman in distress, a woman that has potential, a woman they think they can change and make into a housewife. They see a woman that’s crying out for help and they must save her from that man that has done her wrong or that life that has treated her so unfairly (because of course that’s why she acts the way she does). Well guess what, fat meat is still as greasy as ever and that hoe can’t be turned into a housewife. You don’t stay for the kids, you stay because you fell in love with a not so good girl. Tell the truth and shame the devil! Oh, sorry I got kind of riled up for a minute.

Now I know you men that are reading this are thinking the same thing about us women. We end up falling in love with a no good dude and stay because we just can’t seem to break away from the hold he has on us. Yes that happens too, it’s happened to me. But the difference between men and women is that men don’t usually stick around in a bad situation as long as women do. So when you see a man constantly running back to a woman that continues to do him wrong you must know what it is that she is doing to keep him coming back. So my question is why does he stay? The man who is genuinely a good guy that is attached to a woman that some may not think deserves him. The man who’s in love with a girl that will never give all of herself to him because she just doesn’t want to. The man who stays with the girl that cheats on him, doesn’t have her ish together, doesn’t know how or doesn’t want to love him, and could care less about taking care of home. Why does he stay?

As always…Keep Laughing!

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Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Wishing On A Star

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few months ago I wrote a blog stating my views on marriage.  I got a lot of feedback, mostly negative.  Which is fine, if you’re going to dish it you got to be able to take it right?  Well, after having a discussion with one of my friend’s mom, I came to the conclusion that I am definitely in the minority when it comes to my views on marriage.  My friend’s mom stated, “Girl you have issues.  It’s every little girls dream to get married.  Every woman has been planning her wedding since she was a kid.”  1001-little-boy-proposing-to-little-girl_weI beg to differ.  When I was younger I never had dreams of getting married nor had fake weddings like many little girls do.  I guess I wasn’t the average little girl.  I mean, aren’t there better things to do when you’re a kid?  Like make mud pies and take things apart to see how they work…that’s how I spent my childhood.  As a child, you have no idea what you’re doing when you set out to plan your wedding.  All you know is that you want a pretty dress that makes you look like a princess.  You don’t even think about the husband and the actual marriage.  I think even today, most adults don’t think about the marriage because they are too busy planning the wedding.

As much as I would like to believe that I’m not the only one that didn’t have childhood dreams of getting married, it seems that I am always in the minority on most issues.  So my curious little mind did a little probing to find out just how many people have their dream weddings all planned out and just how long those plans have been in place:

 Honestly, I didn’t really have those dreams when I was younger…when I hit 30, I started wondering what a life with someone would be like…now that I’m 35 and a single mother I look at life a lot differently, because my priorities are to my kids first.  I believe that if God has that person for me, He’ll send him in His time, not mine. ~L.L.

 I didn’t dream of getting married, having a wedding, or having kids as a child, which now leads me to believe that adults who dreamed of getting married when they were kids are either married or have been married before. They tend to get married young, in their twenties. Those who dreamed of marriage as a kid, end up making it their priority, while those of us who were not mesmerized by it as a kid don’t make it a priority. ~Y.S.

 I don’t know if I really agree with this statement because I really didn’t think about weddings (not marriage, but weddings) until my early twenties.  And that is mainly because I started watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC.  As far as marriage goes, I’ve only recently been obsessing about that and that’s because I’m dating someone that I would like to make me a wife one day.  But I definitely still have some growing and maturing to do before I even consider that.  I’m still trying to figure myself out as a single woman! ~M.R.

 I don’t think every little girl grows up dreaming of getting married.  In today’s society most women have an independent mindset and feel that they can do everything on their own, even have a baby without a man, LOL.  A lot of single women bring up their daughters to have this same mindset.  I consider myself to be very independent but I definitely want to get married one day.  I was one of those girls that grew up dreaming of my wedding day.  Heck I still do.  I think marriage is one the most beautiful things that God created when it is done in the right context.  Committing your entire life to just one person is so deep and amazing to me and I can’t wait to be committed to someone through marriage one day! ~A.G.

Well, Well, Well…it looks like I’m not alone this time, with the exception of A.G.  YES!  I finally have some followers.  Thank God!  I was starting to think I was an ODDBALL! (no comments please)  My friend’s mom says I have “daddy issues.”  I’m sure I do have a few “daddy issues” because my father was not active in my life.  But I do not believe that is the reason for my marriage issues.  I have no problem being committed to someone…one day.  But I just cannot see myself getting married.  I don’t believe everyone was meant to be married.  And I believe I am one of those people.  Whenever I tell someone that, their response is usually, “Awwww!”  Why feel sorry for someone who says they don’t want to get married?  Is that the ultimate goal in life…graduate high school and get married?  Hmmmm, I hope not.  There has to more to life than marriage, even though some women think of nothing more than finding a husband.  I have a few Pinterest followers that do nothing but pin wedding dresses, reception décor, engagement rings, and bridesmaid dresses.  How about pinning some recipes or some new DIY projects so I can repin them and try them when I get bored from not having a husband. 😉

marriage-vs-wedding Reality is, not everyone is going to find their prince charming.  One reason for that is most women focus on the wedding more than the actual marriage.  They spend less time making sure the man they’ve decided to marry is the man God wants them to marry, and more time worrying about finding the perfect dress, the perfect flowers, the perfect venue, and anything else that will make this day “perfect.”  Do I have any facts to back up what I’m saying? Nope, sure don’t.  This is just my opinion, what I’m feeling.  I’m in no way saying put aside your dreams of finding a husband and planning a wedding.  But, just be sure to focus more on the marriage and less on the wedding.

Until Next Time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

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Markitta-1021Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Rejection Isn’t Fair!

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging You To See The Humor In Life’s Embarrassing Moments*

Is there an easy way to tell someone you’re just not that into them? When someone puts themselves out there and spills their heart to someone it is often something they have been holding in for a while and have been working up the courage to say. From personal experience that’s a hard thing to do. So if you’re the recipient of those special words and you don’t share the same feelings, how do you tell them? Are you honest and say exactly how you’re NOT feeling? Or do you dance around it and ultimately ignore the situation until that person finally gets the hint? What if you can’t find anything wrong with this person? They say and do all the right things, and they embody everything you are looking for in a significant other, but you still can’t bring yourself to get into them.

keep_calm_and_btw_its_not_me_its_you_by_teenage_metal_head-d50ev7vI’ve been on the receiving end of both expressing and being expressed to, and neither situation is easy when you or the other person doesn’t return those feelings. So let’s deal with the situation of someone having feelings for you that you do not share or are not ready to share. How do you let the other person down without hurting their feelings? Or are hurt feelings inevitable? I have only dealt with these situations in two ways, I ignore it until it goes away or I give a generic, watered down response. What do I mean by generic, watered down response? You ask all the right questions, and I have all the right answers. I have, in the past, responded by saying, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “I’m just not looking for a relationship at this time” or “I have too much going on right now and I don’t have time to commit to someone else.” Watered down, meaning I’m saying just enough to get out of revealing my real feelings and not hurt their feelings too much. Generic because I am not telling the real reason I don’t want to pursue a relationship with this person, “It’s not me, it’s you. I’m just not into you.”

I’ve been talking to a friend of mine that is going through this right now. She had a young man tell her how much he likes her. He has practically planned their wedding and impregnated her so they can have the perfect little family…in his head. And guess what? She doesn’t feel the same way about him. Now he’s a really good guy that would make some woman very happy, but she’s not that woman. And that’s okay, as long as she tells him that and doesn’t string him along. But how does she turn down what others would consider the almost perfect guy? How could you walk away from something you know you may not find ever again…in life?!

I have found that it doesn’t matter how good a person is, how good they are to you, and much they have going for them, if that person is not the right person for YOU, it won’t work. He or she could be the one that everyone else would kill to be with…loves God, good job, good personality, good looks, does and says all the right things…but if he or she is not THAT person, there’s no way you can be with them and be happy. We all have THAT person that we want to be with, even if we don’t admit it. We compare just about everyone to them and no one measures up, no one can serve as a replacement. You can have someone saying all the right things, ready to give you the world, but it means nothing if it doesn’t come from the right person. How do you feel when you wake up to the “good morning” text, the “I’ve been thinking about you all day” text, the “I would do anything for you” text…when it comes from THAT person? You can’t even put into words the feeling that comes over you. You’ll run smack into a pole trying to reply to that text. Now think about how you feel when you get those same messages from someone you have absolutely no feelings for. I know, your facial expression just went from sugar to salt. You may even have your friends and family in your ear telling you, “Giiiiirrrrl you better not let this one get away. He’s the one!”

So when people try to make you feel stupid for passing up what they see as the best thing that ever happened to you, just say okay and keep it moving. You owe no one an explanation. Remember, you’ll have chemistry with a lot of people. But not all chemistry should lead to a romantic relationship. Some chemistry is just the chemistry of finding a really good friend. You can’t fall for everyone because of the chemistry between you. Just because a person seems perfect, doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you. So how do you tell someone that you’re just not that interested in them without hurting their feelings? You can simply say, “I just don’t see us as being compatible enough to date and I would rather be honest with you now than to, later, try to explain to you why it didn’t work between us.” Is that easy? No! Will someone still probably be a little hurt? Yes! But if they don’t respect you for your honesty, then you just dodged a big ol sore loser bullet. Just kidding…not really.

OAN: I am so tired of hearing about Kimye (Kanye and Kim). Who cares that she “got him for 18 years.” Kim is not the first person to have a baby and end up being a baby mama and Kanye is not the first baby daddy. And they sure won’t be the last. I know several baby mamas/daddies, but the media is not stalking them. Stop giving Kimye the attention that they don’t deserve.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo, The First One’s Got To Go

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging You To See The Humor In Life’s Embarrassing Moments*

Ever been in love with two people at the same time? Can you really be in love with two people at once? Well, according to Chris Brown you can. But in my opinion, he’s still in love with Rihanna but was being comforted by Karrueche and mistook that comfort for love. Ahhhh yes! Write that one down…”mistook that comfort for love.” Now back to my initial question. I came across a picture on Instagram that prompted that question.                                                   choose oneAccording to the picture Johnny Depp thinks, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” What kind of foolishness?! So if I love someone already and I meet someone new and think I love him too, I should choose the second one and tell the first one to hit the bricks because clearly this new guy is the one for me? So what happens when I meet the third guy that I think I love? I guess number two will be the next victim. In situations like this someone ends up hurt and that boomerang eventually comes back searching for a target. If this is how I decide who I really love, my relationship status will have a very high turnover rate…a never ending cycle. How could I possibly know this? Well, if you’ve learned anything from reading my blogs or watching my vlogs you know I have an experience to go along with my disagreement for this relationship theory.

Picture it, Sicily, 1998…Ha…okay it wasn’t Sicily it was Tennessee. And I won’t give you the year because some of you people are smart enough to put a timeline together and start figuring out names…can’t have that. So, a few years ago I had a situation where I had feelings for this guy but the situation was strange, to say the least. After a while I met someone else and decided to push my feelings aside for the first guy and jump head first into a situation with the new guy, even though my heart was clearly with guy number one. For some reason I thought guy number two would be soooo much better. So I stopped talking to guy number one and began my tumultuous journey with guy number two. Fast forward a few years, guy number two is now married, and not to me. Guy number one is off living his life not thinking about me and I’m, well, writing this blog telling you not to believe that ridiculous theory by Mr. Depp. Oh and did I mention I still have feelings for guy number one and he could care less? Yep, my decision bit my in the _ _ _!

So what should we base our decisions on when it comes to matters of the heart? The answer is simple…God and your heart should guide all of your decisions. I know many people say that when making decisions you have to but your emotions on the back burner. I agree with that, but only in certain situations. When it comes to who you love you should use your heart. If you use your head only, you will never take risks. Trust me I know, I always use my head and put my heart on ice when it comes to love and what am I? Say it with me….SINGLE! Now I’m not saying that you should never use common sense in love, but what I am saying is sometimes you have to follow your heart. Now if your heart is telling you that you want to be with someone else, then maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship. But never, I repeat NEVER, leave the one you’re with for someone else. Because that person will in turn leave you for someone else.

Do me a favor, if you’re in a relationship and you are falling for or have feelings for someone else, take the time to evaluate your current relationship and figure out why you’re feeling this way. At some point in every relationship, questions of whether or not two people should be together will arise. Some may start to get bored when the man or woman suddenly gets too comfortable and stops doing the things they once did to make their partner happy. Changes may occur in the relationship that may not be so easy for some to deal with.

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Take the time to step away from the relationship and see if this is where you want to be. I said step away from the relationship, not step to another person, stay with me. I hate when people jump from relationship to relationship. Being unhappy in your relationship is not your cue to run to someone else. You’ll never find the one that truly makes you happy if you can’t be happy by yourself. Love, or what we think is love, can be very confusing at times. But when in doubt we can always go to God. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” So if you find yourself in love with two people, take that situation to God and ask yourself which one really has your heart and which one is just your “comforter.”

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~Kitta

Embarrassed. Who…ME?

At what age should you start to be embarrassed that you’re still single? Should you ever be embarrassed to say you’re single? Some people have this idea that by a certain age they should be married, or at least engaged or in a committed relationship. And society supports that view by making those of us that are single feel like super losers…like there has to be something wrong with us that contributes to this condition of being single. Yes I’m single, yes I’m happy, no I do not have cooties and I’m not crazy…well, maybe a little crazy, but who isn’t? I told you all in my previous blog that everyone has a little crazy in them on reserve to use when necessary.

embarrassedI have never been embarrassed to tell anyone I’m single…until a few weeks ago. One day I was at the mall and while in a store shopping for shoes, because I can always use more shoes ;-), I was standing near this older woman when her husband approached her. In true male fashion, he started rushing her. She jokingly said something sassy to him and when he saw me laughing he laughed too and asked if I did my husband the same way. When I said I wasn’t married he said, “Well do you do your boyfriend that way?” My answer was a simple no, and I walked away. Now why did I not tell this complete stranger that not only am I not married, but I don’t have a boyfriend either? For a brief moment I thought about how he would look at me if I said that I had neither a husband or a boyfriend. I pictured him looking at me like “what is wrong with you little girl?”; almost like he would pity me for being alone.

For me, being single right now is a choice. I need to be fully comfortable and completely happy with myself before I can think about MAYBE letting someone special into my life. God is working on me and I have surrendered my life to Him and welcome the change He is taking me through. So I am usually never embarrassed to tell anyone that I am single. So what makes being single so undesirable and almost a curse for some? Well, I can tell you the one time of the year that is possibly the most popular time to not be single…Valentine’s Day. As I write this, flower, jewelry, and candy sales are going up as most of the world prepares for the big day of love…or lust for most. This is a day that most single people do not look forward to and often make it a goal to find someone as the holiday approaches so they don’t have to spend yet another Valentine’s Day alone. And some try to to get rid of the mates they already have in an effort to save money from buying a gift, but that’s a different blog.

So my question is, what makes you embarrassed to say you’re single? Is it your surroundings that make it taboo for you to be single? Is it your family and friends that make it seem like you’re cursed because you’re still single at whatever age you are? Does the pressure of all your friends being in relationships make it embarrassing for you to be the only one in your circle that’s single? I say none of those things should matter. You cannot let situations, a stigma, or your family and friends push you into a frenzy of finding someone. That frenzy could cause you to come home to your man wearing your new freak em dress. Or a girl that’s addicted to eating toothpaste and chasing it with rubbing alcohol. Now I know that was extreme, but it’s some weird stuff going on in this world. And nothing against the men that wear dresses or the toothpaste/rubbing alcohol girls, but these are things I need to know before I fall in love with you. So I’ll take my time and stay single until the right person comes along.Take your time and make sure you fall into the right kind of love with the right person. I know some of you may be tired of waiting and think that “right person” is never coming and it’s too late for you. I need you to keep in mind that Ephesians 3:20 says He is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine. That means you too can have that relationship that you desire. Don’t be embarrassed when someone ask if you’re still single. Hold your head high and take comfort in the fact that some of those that are looking down on you for being single are probably faking the happiness in their own “perfect” relationships. Instagram and Facebook photos don’t always show the full picture.

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

I do?…I don’t!

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Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments*

Here’s what I think about marriage. I’m thinking I don’t want any parts of it. So many people ask me, “Kitta, do you really not want to get married…ever?” And my answer is YES! I really do not want to get married…EVER (in all caps so you know it’s real). Go ahead and have a seat so I can tell you my thoughts. Now if you’re happily married then kudos to you, may God continue to bless your marriage. But I gotta be honest, I talk to a diverse group of people, young, old, black, white; and none of them make me envious of the fact that they’re married and I’m not. And if you’re one of those people that I associate with, my apologies, but it’s true. Every time I talk to you I am happy to still be single.

Now I’m about to be brutally honest so don’t you judge me! And you may want to go ahead and have that seat I spoke about earlier because it’s about to get real up in here, up in here. I believe that one of my biggest fights with God is the fact that I do not want to get married, but I sometimes want to do the things that married people do. Wipe that stank look off your face! The struggle is real and I know I’m not the only one who thinks and feels that way. I’m just one of the few that’s bold enough to admit it and share it with the readers of this blog. And it’s not like I’m out spreading my unmarried wild oats; I said sometimes I WANT to do the things that married people do, didn’t say I act on those feelings.

Someone made the comment that me wanting to do the things that married people do without getting married, is like wanting to earn a paycheck without actually working. Um no ma’am, I disagree with that comment. Don’t ask me why, I just do. I know what the bible says about this–1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. And let me reiterate, and I can’t stress this enough, I am not actually out doing the things that married people do. I just sometimes want to. So now let’s get to the real meat of this blog, why I don’t want to get married…EVER! And at the end of this blog I’m going to tell you something that will make your mouth drop so keep reading. 😉

I associate with quite a few married people and they do not make marriage look attractive. I had someone say that marriage is what you make it. Ummm, that’s all you have to say about your marriage? Where is the, “I’m so in love with my wife” or “I love being married to this man”? I mean I’m already trying to make the best of this thing called life, you mean I have to just make the best of being married? No! If I get married I want it to be because we are in love and I want us to remain in love with each other. Yes I expect to have ups and downs but I want to be able to say more than “marriage is what you make it.” Now I know what you’re saying, “Don’t most people get married because they are in love?” Yes, but how many remain in love? And how many stay together out of convenience?

Okay, Okay I’m done babbling. Reason #1 why I don’t want to get married is that I don’t want to have to ask or discuss my plans with anyone. For example, when me and friends make plans to go out to dinner or drinks or whatever, my married girlfriends of course, have to discuss it with their husbands first. I like not having to discuss my plans with anyone else. If I want to go to Zimbabwe and buy a zebra, guess what I don’t have to make sure it’s okay with my better half first, I just go. Well, not really because I can’t afford to do that and I’m afraid of animals…but you get what I mean. Now I agree that the respectful thing is to talk to your mate before you make any plans, I just don’t want to, which is why I’m single.

Coolest quotes - - 21Reason #2, I don’t want to have all of my me time taken away. Me time, I love it, I crave it, I must have it. I am actually somewhat of a loner. If you know me or know of me, I probably come off as someone who loves being around people, and I do…30% of the time. The other 70% is reserved for me, myself and I. One of my married friends commented about how when she first got married she had to get accustomed to having her husband come and sit on the couch with her while she was trying to watch one of her favorite television shows. She was use to being able to sit on her couch, alone, and relax while watching television. Let me tell ya, I like coming home to an empty house and sitting on the couch ALONE! Unless I’ve just watched an episode of Criminal Minds or Forensic Files, then you can sit with me on the couch because those shows sometimes spook me…but I love them!

Reason #3, I don’t want to get married, just to get divorced. I have seen so many people going through divorces, even had a really close friend go through it and it broke my heart to see her go through that pain. I once heard someone say that it would be easier to lose your spouse to death than divorce, because divorce feels just like death; but instead you have to watch this person build a new life with someone else. WOW! I’m not saying all marriages end up in divorce, but a lot of them do. Call me chicken, but I’m not willing to take that risk.

Reason #4, I don’t want to become an old boring married couple. The married people I know never do anything fun. I know several people that were always down to have fun…until they got married. I have a friend that was so much fun to be around, and then he got married. His wife sucked all of the fun out of him! Because she doesn’t like to do certain things he can longer do them either. She doesn’t drink, so he can’t drink either (now if your spouse is a recovering alcoholic then by all means, be respectful of that). She doesn’t like to go ANYWHERE, so he can’t go ANYWHERE either. Just because your spouse doesn’t enjoy certain things doesn’t mean you have to give up those things too. As long as everything is done in moderation and you are not disrespecting your spouse or marriage, you should still be able to have fun. I don’t go out much but I don’t want to be confined to my house because my spouse is a lamer and doesn’t want to do anything or go anywhere.

Reason #5…yeah I don’t have anything else, I just don’t want to get married. I think I’ve given you enough reasons. And by now you all are probably thinking this girl is either crazy or has been hurt…A LOT! Well it’s a little bit of both, because let’s be real, we’ve all been hurt and we all have a little bit of crazy in us that we use when necessary. The big truth is I love being single. I love being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don’t want to make time for someone else in my life right now. I have too many other things I want to do and marriage is not one of them. For all those that desire to be married, great, keep praying for the one God has designed for you and don’t settle. Will my thoughts and feelings on marriage ever change? I think my mom is praying that they will. Oh, and remember I said that I had something that would make your mouth drop? Well here it is…..

I have a secret board on pinterest that only I can see. On this board is nothing but wedding stuff…dresses, flowers, rings, decorations, etc. I have my whole wedding planned out and I even know who I want my future husband to be. But I know that’s up to God because he could have someone else in mind. And no it’s not Usher. I love him but I’m not as delusional as I may seem him it comes to him.

Utterly confused now? Yeah me too. LOL

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Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing

~Kitta

Funny Friday: “Rodney?!” and “We Must be Early”

Can I Laugh Now? *Encouraging you to see the humor in life’s embarrassing moments.

“Resist him, standing firm in faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5: 9-11

Here’s a quick laugh from two of our Laughers!

Rodney?!

Laugher:  Justin from Memphis, TN

Premise:  Got his hopes up!

*It’s Justin’s junior year of high school and he has a crush on an upperclassman

*He is too nervous to say anything for fear of rejection, so luckily for Justin his crush approaches him one day for advice

*She reveals to Justin that she has a crush on a younger guy and doesn’t know if she should tell him since dating underclassmen is frowned upon

*Justin (thinking his crush is talking about him) convinces her to be bold (even though he isn’t) and go talk to the guy she has a crush on

*Justin sees his crush the next day with a huge smile on her face

Justin:  Hey, why are you so happy? What’s going on?

Crush:  I took your advice. I go out with Rodney now!

Justin: RODNEY?!

Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that we have all been there at one time or another. Thinking our crush is talking about us only to see him/her with someone else the next day. I feel your pain, Justin!

Lesson Learned:

Be direct! Justin says he ended up being rejected anyway, at least if he was direct and told her how he felt up-front, he wouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

Justin shares his story with me:  Rodney?!

*Extra:  I bet you didn’t know that Justin was Ivory Bishop

Our next Laugher learned a valuable lesson about being on time!

“We Must Be Early”

Laugher:  Megan 

Premise:  Better late than never…not in this case!

*Megan’s hard work has paid off and her publication has been nominated for an award

*She and her mom get all dolled up from head to toe and head to the awards ceremony

*They quickly notice that no one is there

*Megan tells her mother, “We must be early.” Megan pulls the tickets out of her purse to discover that the event was actually the night before!

Megan says that luckily she did not win the award; otherwise, she would have missed out on a great experience.

Lesson Learned:

Since Megan is starting to gain recognition she says that she has to pay extra attention to detail! She’s big time but she hasn’t reached personal assistant status yet! Lol. Megan says that she and her mother still laugh about that night to this day. They definitely gave new meaning to “all dressed up with nowhere to go”!

Megan shares her story with Kitta:  We Must Be Early

Check out Megan’s magazine: Divine Magazine

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Have a funny story to share? Send it in and be featured in Can I Laugh Now?’s Funny Fridays!

*To submit a story, go to our website and click the “What’s so Funny?” tab at the top.

Until Next Time,

Keep Laughing!

-Belle