Turning The Table

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Everyone knows that scripture, Proverbs 18:22, and has referred to it when talking about dating. Many interpret this scripture to mean that if a man seeks and finds a wife then that’s a good thing. But a woman should never be looking for a husband. Many people, women especially, take this meaning literally and believe it is the man’s job to find her. I was talking to an associate of mine and she said, and I quote, “Women didn’t have rights back then so having a wife would be the same as having a slave around the house. It makes the man’s life so much better.” That’s when I gave the infamous side eye and walked away silently. Others have stated that this scripture is largely misunderstood. They say that it doesn’t matter who does the ‘seeking’ as long as they meet and are equally yoked. I agree with that theory, to a certain extent.

I’m a big fan of Steve Harvey, who calls himself the CLO (Chief Love Officer). Mr. Harvey says that men are chasers and the woman should allow themselves to be chased. As much as most women want to be married, it is believed that we should just sit back and relax and our future husbands discover us. And I say most women because, if you’ve been following my blogs, you know that right now I have no desire to be married. Mr. Harvey says, “Ladies, Mr. Right is looking for you way harder than you are looking for him. Just let him know that you are available.” Now my question to Mr. Harvey is, how do we let ‘him’ know that we’re available without approaching him?

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I would never go against or question the word of God. What I do believe is that there nothing wrong with going for what you want. Now I mean that women should throw themselves at a man, but you should let him know you’re available like Mr. Harvey said. But how do we do that? Well, I’m a fan of having a middle man, meaning I’m not going to send my friend over to tell a man I’m interested. I might, however, use my friend, or someone that knows my ‘person of interest’, to get all the details I need before I make my move. But what should my move be? Do I just walk up to him and say, “Hey, I like you.” Or should I go old school and write him a letter, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes □ no □ or maybe □.” Since I hate rejection, like everyone else, I often don’t reveal when I like someone, unless I know he likes me too. That sounds so high school-ish right? Yeah, I know but it’s true. Most people live by the rule “it’s better to try and fail than fail to try.” I don’t live by that rule. And my flirting methods aren’t that effective. Most times guys just think I’m being nice, not flirting, by having a conversation with them. So what do I do and is it okay for me to make the first move. What better way to get the answers to those questions than to ask a few men how they feel about being approached by a woman and having her make the first move.

After listening to what Mr. Harvey has to say about relationships I was expecting completely different responses from my male friends. The question that I asked:

“How do you feel about a woman approaching you making it known that she’s feeling you? Would you rather her not make the first move and does that make her look thirsty if she does?”

“It wouldn’t bother me. I’m shy anyway so it would make it easier for me if she approached me first. Whether she comes off as thirsty or desperate depends on pursuit. If she’s overly aggressive that’s unattractive. She can express her interest in a subtle but clear way. We [men] don’t pick up on hints too well so the woman needs to make her intentions clear.” ~ EB

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It makes it hard if it’s someone I don’t like in return then that makes it hard. But men put themselves out there all the time and get rejected so I guess it’s no different. What I don’t want is for her to ask me out on a date. If I like her then I feel like it’s my job to ask her out and court her in the beginning. I’m old school I guess, but I definitely don’t have a problem with a woman expressing her interest.” ~ TW

“I would be flattered if someone expressed an interest in me. It’s like wow someone actually likes me, lol. It would be a nice change from me be the seeker all the time. Now I do believe in the chase. I don’t want a woman to just put everything on the table for me, leave something to the imagination. But there’s nothing wrong with making your interest known, male or female.” ~ CW

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I guess Mr. Harvey was right, you have to leave space for a guy to be a guy. So ladies the lesson of the day is, if a fellow catches your eye and holds your attention for more than just the initial first look, it’s okay for you to make your interest known. And how do you that without coming off too aggressive or looking thirsty? Well, you just say it. You don’t stalk him, or blow up his inbox on Facebook, or like ALL of his pics on Instagram (including pics from 20 weeks ago because them he will know you’ve been stalking him). Just like one of his pics once a week so he sees your name pop up in your notifications. And once you’ve put yourself out there, let him make the first move. If he’s interested he’ll bite, if not then take your cake to someone who will appreciate the flavor. Okay that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Now I just have to apply this to my own life because I’ve had my eye on someone for a while now. I’ll be back with an update soon. 😉

As Always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Little People, Big World

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Turning Laughter Into Pain Since 2011

Let’s face it, when it comes to dating, size matters.  Wipe that smirk off your face, when I say size I mean height. Children measuring height  Unfortunately, what first attracts us to a person is looks.  As much as people like to say “it doesn’t matter what a person looks like”, we all have something that we like about and look for physically in a potential mate.  Whether you’re a leg or butt man, or a woman that is attracted to muscles or a man’s eyes, looks play at least a small role in what draws you to a person.  But what about height?  Do you have a height requirement when dating?  Can a person be too tall or too short?  Does your height determine your character or how one will conduct themselves in a relationship?  I mean surely you can’t judge a person based on their height.

I’ve noticed that most men do not care about height, unless they are what is considered short for a man.  Those men that are height challenged seem to associate height with their ego or manhood.  They feel as if a woman that is taller than them might make them look less like the one who wears the pants in the relationship, taking away from their manhood.  Women equate height with protection.  We want to feel like our man can protect us.  So if he isn’t taller than us AFTER we put on put on our heels, he probably won’t make the cut.  Except for Kevin Hart’s girlfriend, she loves him even with her heels on.  She LOVES her little person!  Just kidding, I love Kevin Hart and he looks extremely happy whenever he’s with his girl, height challenge and all.

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I have a few male friends that are height challenged.  I mean I’m barely hitting 5’0 myself so I don’t hang around a lot of giants.  I choose not to be the midget of the group so I stick to my own kind.  But one friend in particular is currently pursuing a girl that is taller than him.  Not that I don’t think he is man enough to handle her, it’s just odd to picture them together.  So when I mentioned this subject to some of my Laughers, tall and short, they had an opinion about it too.

The Male Perspective

“I think the height should be close, give or take 3 – 4 inches.  The tallest I’ve dated was 6’4 and the shortest was 5’2…it just didn’t look right.”  ~S.H.

“I don’t want to date a woman way taller than me.  It’s a little awkward for me–like a circus act.”  ~E.B.

“My height helps me.  Women love my height but to me it doesn’t matter, it’s all about heart.  If the heart is good then the height doesn’t matter.” ~B.J.

“Height doesn’t matter to me.  I got a 6 ft side chick right now…she’s 6’3 with heels.”  ~C.C.

The Women Speak

“In dating, height matters because you have personal preferences and you are just getting to know them.  Now me personally, I just want you to be taller than me, and I’m short so it really hasn’t been an issue finding that.”  ~R.H.

“You can’t protect me if you’re shorter than me.”  ~C.B.

“Height shouldn’t matter but it does.  Whoever I date has to be at least the same height as me with heels on.  I just don’t feel comfortable with a short man.  I want to feel like my man can protect me if I’m in danger and I just wouldn’t feel secure with someone short.”  ~A.N.G.

“It shouldn’t matter but honestly, and this may sound shallow, we’re usually initially attracted to people because of their appearance: physique, build and height are things that we look at.  I don’t want to be towering over my man.  I want to feel protected and safe and a short man makes me feel like he can’t supply those things.  But I do know that a short man is very capable of doing those things.”  ~A.G.

“For me height does matter.  I’m almost 6 ft tall and I prefer a man to be at least my height or taller.  I’m not saying that I would never give a short guy a chance, but it’s not my first choice.  I like the idea of being able to wear heels and not hovering over my date.”  ~L.K.

So as you can see the men are pretty divided on the issue of height.  But I will say the two that said height DOES matter are both what I consider height challenged.  LOL!  Now the ladies all have the same concern that I stated before, protection.  We, for some reason, think height means we are safe and protected.  Now before all the short men jump out of their clown car and attack me, let me just state a few things in your favor.  I am very well aware that just because a guy is tall or taller than the woman he is dating, that doesn’t mean he could protect her any better than someone shorter.  I have personally witnessed the strength of one of my height challenged male friends.  I have also seen one of my height challenged male friends jump in and pull a child out of the pool when she started to go under.  So I know that height has nothing to do with the strength, heart and integrity of a man.  But, unfortunately, most of us would prefer a tall man, or at least taller than us.

Me personally, I prefer someone Usher’s height, build, skin color….aw hell I prefer Usher himself!  Big ups to all my short Laughers…male or female we have to stick together.  We’re just little people in a big world.

Until next time Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

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Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.

So You Fancy Huh?!

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Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few months I did a photo shoot for my birthday.  I had no problem choosing a photographer.  It was a no-brainer to go with Miss Fancy herself, Trunetta Atwater of Trunetta Atwater Photography.  On August 20, 2013 I joined her Fancy 150 Movement.  What is the Fancy 150 Movement you ask?  You’re so inquisitive! I love that about y’all!  Well, let me first tell you a little about Tru, as she is affectionately called by those who know her.

Fancy 5 Tru specializes in boudoir photography, but trust me she can do ANYTHING!  From wedding photos to high school senior pictures, she’s sure to make you Fancy and capture every moment of your event in a way that only she can.  She’s a beast with the camera and once you have a photo shoot with her, you won’t let anyone else near you with a camera.  Yes, she’s that good!  She holds a degree in Finance and an MBA…very smart, educated young lady.  Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “How does a Finance major end up doing photography?”  We’ll get to that later, but trust me, it was her destiny.

Tru started doing photography as a hobby and soon discovered that she had a love for the art of capturing life through photos.  It wasn’t long before she was in high demand and after much prayer she decided to answer the call of photography.  Oh yes, it’s her calling.  She took a leap of faith, quit her job, and started doing photography full-time.  God is using Tru to help other women find their beauty, talents, and their inner strength.  Once you have the Trunetta Atwater photography experience, you are a different person.  You walk away feeling prettier inside and out, with your head held a little bit higher.

Now back to this Fancy 150 Movement.  The 150 movement is Tru’s effort to shoot, empower and inspire women.  The number 150 is significant because it is her goal to shoot 150 women.  Through these photo shoots she encourages women to tell their stories about what empowers and inspires them.  Let me tell you, Tru has a gift for making women talk about things that they wouldn’t otherwise bring up in a normal conversation.  Before I arrived for my appointment I had already told myself, “Tru will NOT get me to open up about ANYTHING!  I will take pictures and I will leave! No expressing myself, Tru will NOT get me to talk!”  Ha!  Who was I kidding, Tru broke me down like a, like a…well let’s just say she broke me DOWN! When I left my heart felt lighter, and I realized a lot more about myself…things that I never really thought about before.  Can you believe it?  But I’m not mad at Tru, she was just doing what she does best.  She made me Fancy inside and out.

Tru is also bringing more events to the city of Jackson, TN.  Just recently she teamed up with Stephanie Graham, founder of AHY (A Healthier You) and presented “Fancy’s Fall Ladies Night Out” event.  This event was held at the Carnegie in downtown Jackson and included vendors from other female business owners, a fashion show, wine tasting and live perfomances. This event brought women of all races and backgrounds together under one roof with nothing but positivity, good energy, and inspiration flowing through the room.  If you missed this event, you might want to like her fan page on Facebook, Trunetta Atwater Photographer, to stay in the loop on future events.  Her next event is the “Holiday Faces” FREE PHOTO EVENT, Canned Food and Toy Drive.  This is a free mini holiday photo session for children 10 years and under.  Donate a canned food product to get a $2 credit for each item donated, or a $10 credit for each toy donated, up to $20 credit available.  All food and toys will be donated to a local charity.  Click here to RSVP to this event Holiday Faces Free Photo Event.

I can only tell you about the Fancy experience, I can’t feel it for you.  To have your own Fancy experience, contact Trunetta Atwater and join the movement TODAY!

Check out a few of the pics from my shoot!

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Watch my entire interview with Tru below…

Trunetta Atwater Interview

Until next Laughers…Keep Laughing!

~Kitta

Follow me: Twitter
Like me: Facebook
Share my world: Instagram
Laugh with me: YouTube
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.  Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.
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